Part 2
The doctor tried his best to be reassuring. ‘I’m going to get her into hospital for some tests,’ he said, coming back into the lounge half an
hour later. Then, seeing the anxiety leaping in Si’s eyes, laid a steadying hand on his arm. ‘Try not to worry; they’re only to eliminate any
other possible causes.’
‘Causes?’ Si uttered shakily. With his minds eye he saw a panoply of gibbering carnival skeletons parading before him baring placards daubed
crudely with horrific conditions and diseases.
He nodded. ‘I just want to dot the I’s and cross the T’s first.’
So what do you think it is?
‘Severe clinical depression Si, I think she’s having a breakdown!’
The car emerged smoothly out of the leafy tunnel and onto the crest of a hill burnished by the warm radiance of a late July sun. Below him the
Kent country side unfurled lazily like a khaki and gold banner. He was nearly there, later than
he intended.
But then he hadn’t even planned on visiting her today had he, couldn’t have envisioned the day turning out like this at all.
He crested the brow and began ascending towards the small enclosed fields clustered haphazardly along the ribbon of road below. A mile beyond, it’s
spires peeking above the foaming tree tops was the private hospital, an old Edwardian country residence now renovated and dedicated to the health and
well being of those wealthy enough to be able to afford it. Si was determined to give her the best of all treatments.
With all the major tests turning up negative the original prognosis seemed more feasible by the day he had wondered darkly if he were the cause of the
problem. At these times he would forcefully chide himself, trying his best to banish his own paranoia. She had a great job, lived in the kind of
apartment most people would kill for, was loved by everyone, not least by himself and he had never, not once in all their years together, coerced her
at any step of the way. All he could do….all he wanted to do was stand by her and see her though this and get the old Maddie back.
But the old Maddie seemed more distant than ever. Granted since her stay in the hospital she seemed a little better, robust enough even to spend much
of her time wandering in the lush landscaped grounds of the hospital but visiting times were an exercise in polite conversation strained by awkward
pauses on his part and an almost amused indifference to him on hers. Distant and unconcerned, she viewed him like a familiar, if mildly interfering
neighbour. She still insisted that no one else should be told.
‘The less people who know the better!’ She would mutter perfunctorily.
He’d taken to accompanying her on her long walks in the grounds, the activity precluding the need for any attempts at conversation. But yesterday,
on an almost perfect early summer evening with the songbirds announcing the final dispatches of the day she’d suddenly turned to him.
‘All this life!’ She declared, in exasperation.
Si blinked, totally bemused. ‘Life?’
Maddie answered him by sucking in a huge lungful of air. She suddenly bent double and coughed as though it were noxious.
Si stepped forward in alarm, reaching for her but she raised a hand to block him, straightening slowly. He continued to hover, unsure what to do.
Maddie seemed to pull herself together. ‘It wasn’t like this….’ she hesitated for a moment. ‘Up there!’
‘When you were in space Madds?’ Si responded with clarity.
She swept her hand in a vague arc, indicating the woods and hills beyond. ‘All this life!’ She repeated, almost spitting the last word out. She
turned and marched briskly away up the steps and back through the open French door that led from her private room onto the patio.

