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Refusing to think like a victim:
Sojourner Truth, an African American woman who escaped slavery and was a strong abolition activist, attended the National Women's Suffrage Convention in Akron, Ohio, where she delivered her powerful "Ain't I a Woman?" speech.
Only women were allowed to speak and she was such a powerful speaker that an effort was made by opponents of the movement to discredit her by humiliating her. She was ordered to go to the women's room and bare her breast to prove that she was a woman.
Sojourner Truth was offered a choice between not speaking and being humiliated. But she refused to stay in the confines of that "no-win" choice. She refused to think like a victim. She chose to speak — and as she went to the women’s room to "prove" she was a woman, she said with power and grace, "It is to your shame, not mine, that I do this."
We slip easily into victim mentality when we try to get exactly what we want in less than ideal circumstances and when we can't, we allow ourselves to be trapped in no-win choices. Often, we aren't even willing to consider any choice other than the ideal choice. When we are in victim mentality, we don’t see the range of choices we have and we wallow in resentment. We feel helpless.
In order to eliminate our victim mentality, we must:
1. Start by accepting the reality of the situation instead of trying to achieve the ideal.
2. Find the best choice available within the reality of the circumstances, and then
3. Accept that choice instead of resenting it.
How would you answer this question: I am out of my abuse and have moved on with my life... How and when does the abuse stop playing a significant part of my life? I have seen others who have moved on and I would like to know how they did it.
The woman who asked this, asked a valid question. There are many men, women and children who no longer are victims, but feel like they cannot leave it behind. It stays as much a part of themselves as it did while they were being abused. The only difference may be there is no physical or emotional abuse happening in their worlds.
When she was living under the victim mentality she found herself angrier. She found herself swirling in a sea of resentment towards her abuser. She stayed locked in that cycle and never seemed to move forward... Life is easier when you can play the blame game. The blame game makes it easy for your life not to move forward or for you to grow.
Originally posted by chissler
I think the problem with this, is that victims do exist.
Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic
As for those who chose to stay in victimhood, we probably will never hear about them...
Consider the example of a woman who is beaten by her husband. She is clearly a 'victim' in the traditional meaning of the word; she deserves both compassion and justice.
But many feminists argue further for the battered woman's 'victimhood.' That is, she is viewed as only one example of the wider oppression all women experience from men and society. She ceases to be a wronged individual and becomes the symbol of a wronged category that includes women who have never experienced violence or may themselves be violent.
The shift from victim to victimhood has important consequences. The primary wrong is no longer inflicted on an individual but upon a group. It is no longer committed by an individual but by another group. The main remedy is not restitution to a person but general reparations to or special protection (privilege) for "the group."
In short, the move from victim to victimhood pushes the individual aside, constructs society into warring groups and argues for political remedies.
How did society lose sight of individual victims and slide into the groupthink of victimhood? Why did people allow themselves and their children to be stigmatized simply because they were male, white, or otherwise the member of a "guilty" category?
...Personally, I have never found this view of the eternally-hating gentile to have any resemblance with reality. It seems a myth, pure and simple, and an ugly one at that.
"Is it a good means of social control? Perhaps, but at what cost?
Victimology may not be without it's benefits ?
One of the aspects of a Victim Mindset that I find interesting is the extent to which our society is infused with it.
Originally posted by Siren
Choosing translates to change which means that you recognize something better and are willing to alter your course in order to obtain it. This should be done with integrity and not thievery. You either operate in love or fear.
Look at the world, full of victims. Victims of war torn cities, famine, disease, martyrs for religious reasons, victims of crime, victims of hate. Do you think they chose this? No, no more than a person chose for a storm to ravage their community.
How can you find out if you are someone who has victim mentality? The first step is to listen to yourself.
Are you blaming others in your life for all the distress in it? Are you not accepting responsibility for your actions? Are you giving some other person the power (by blaming them you are giving them the power) to have control once again in your life? Do you look at life as being unfair to you and that everyone else gets the breaks?
Some thoughts on removing yourself from victim mentality. Anyone who suffers from victim mentality has to come to terms with themselves. They need to look at them self and say, I do screw up at times. I am not perfect. It is not always everyone else's fault. I need to take responsibility for the highs and lows in my life. The other person can only have control if I allow them. By saying it is always them - and never me - I am allowing the control to be gone.
The other person can only have control if I allow them.
People feel sorry for victims
People help victims and feel more powerful for doing it
Victims don't have to take responsibility for the outcome of their choices
-Victims don't have to work hard - No one expects them to
-People don't expect much from victims ("Well, you know, she has it pretty hard. We should give her some slack.")
-Being a victim is simply easier than being autonomous and accountable.
When I take full responsibility for everything in my life, I have to "take the blame" if things go wrong and I get to "take the credit" when things go right.
we will soon be a nation completely under the power of its government and the wealthy corrupt.
Originally posted by Siren
You do not have to have a “victim mindset” to become a victim.
Governing ones self does not prevent the madness of this world from knocking at your door.
Let’s talk about those who are victimizers.
Originally posted by semperfortis
Why do we automatically assume someone is a victim when something bad happens to them?
"If you don't feel apologetic for slavery, if you don't feel apologetic for colonialism, if you feel proud of it then say that.
"But if one has a sincere desire to overcome the ravages of the past it doesn't take much to apologise and move towards some plan for restoration."
Originally posted by riley
When people use victimhood as a salespitch.. they are not really victims anymore.