From Beyond The Grave
I feel after 5000 years
it is long over due to set the record
straight about what happened on the fateful day in my cave residing in Màntova
(Italy).I write this
now from beyond the grave.This is how that day unfolded.....
I awoke alone in my small but cosy cave the day before valintines day ,a day I thought would be like any other “Oh how wrong I was”, I had a yawn
and a good scratch as we didn’t have any pest controls in those days and the fleas from our animal pelts were annoying to say the least. You guys
nowadays don’t know how lucky you are really!. I remember I was starving, so I looked around the fire place for any left over www.kidcyber.com.au...
" target="_blank" class="postlink" rel="nofollow"> mufloni (goat) from the party the night before with the Ugg Smith’s from 4 caves down, but I
was out of luck.
Throwing on the same pelt I’d worn for the past 2 months and grabbing my trusty spear, I was off for breakfast, down the valley I went to a well
known breeding ground of falcons, in the hope of some fresh falcon eggs to make my falcon egg omelet specialty. So carefully and stealthily I
approached the area, which is when I caught sight of Ugg Pamela “wow I’d love to club that and drag her back to the den” I thought, if It
wasn’t for Ugg Greg who wields the biggest club around these parts I would have clubbed her a long time ago. I stood still and watched from a short
distance, a falcon behind me screeched and she spun around spotting me looking at her, I was caught like a rabbit dazzled by the light from a stick
with fire at the end of it.
“Morning Ugg Pete” she said “morning Ugg Pamela” I replied nervously,” you weren’t creeping up to club me, were you Ugg Pete?” she said
in a playful tone, “who me?” I grunted with a sly grin. “I was just out for some falcon eggs for breakfast Ugg Pamela that’s all, true! I
would not dream of clubbing you, especially with pre Neanderthal Ugg Greg around (seriously this guy has just recently stopped swinging from tree’s)
“You can club me any time Ugg Pete and don’t worry about Ugg Greg, he’s gone off hunting for a couple of days” she said boldly, “but
there’s no need for the clubbing I’ll come back to your cave willingly” she added “Serious!” I exclaimed “you must be one of those new age
womans I’ve been reading about on the public cave wall, that sounds grouse, lets grab some eggs and I’ll make us my specialty for breakfast, if
your hungry Ugg Pam?” I said,” I could eat a marsican” (brown bear,link above) she replied.
So we both hunted for a falcons nest amongst the trees in the valley, until we found a nest and fortunately we found one that was full of eggs, we
worked well as a team, with me up in the tree lobbing an egg, one at a time to Ugg Pam down below, until we had the whole lot, Ugg Pam carefully
wrapped all the eggs into her carrying pelt and I remember thinking “geez I should have got me one of these womans along time ago, I wonder if she
We chatted whilst walking back out of the valley, back to suburbia (civilization) where she reiterated her fondness towards me and even though I was
all for it, I was still nervously looking over my shoulder expecting to see that meat head Ugg Greg come flying out from behind a tree swinging that
huge club of his, but hey, a womans walking beside you back to your cave, makes you brave I guess.
We took the eggs back to my cave and she started a fire, I got my big flat cooking rock out, that’s perfect for large omelets once heated up
properly, which I think impressed her the more.
I cooked up the eggs into a fantastic omelet, which would make any womans putty and go all weak at the knees over, I was definitely thinking
valentines day was going to be less than lonely this year for sure. We ate and swapped small talk, she then offered to clean the cooking rock and she
got no argument from me, ”go for it” I said well chuffed on how all of this was turning out.
We both stood up and she grabbed the rocks to take them outside to the stream, that’s when I noticed to my horror a couple of my womans carvings on
small stone tablets next to my sleeping pelt, I kicked them under the pelt with the back of my foot hoping she didn’t notice. She paid no mind
“wheeew that was a close one” I thought.
She finished up and came back in and laid on my sleeping pelt and asked if I could bring her some water “no problem” I said and grabbed the water
pelt from the other side of my cave, I walked back to her and as I got to the sleeping pelt tripped on the stone tablets I kicked under earlier,
falling right on top of Ugg Pam(well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it), at the same time Ugg Greg lets out a deafening yell from right
behind me!, I just had time to catch a glimpse of that almighty club coming down towards Pam’s and my head, it was lights out for both of us.
There we lay year after year, century to century, millennium to millennium quite comfy, it could have been better, say? with a bit of movement here or
there, but I could have died alone too, but just recently some jokers found us and said we were having a “hug” when we died and also want to put
me and Ugg Pam on public display in a museum!, so that everyone can have a look at us having a “hug!”. I’m not comfortable with that and quite
Ugg frankly think those who want to have a look are a bit sick. Put us somewhere private and lets us get on with it already!
At least for Valentines Day!.