posted on Feb, 25 2007 @ 05:02 AM
Ok, I left off in my last post with one thing that might be going on with the two of you, and suggested counseling.
The other thing that might be going on is that he's a bum and wants to do his own thing.
He may just be bored. When the excitement goes out of a marriage, (and it will at some point), it may not seem fair, but it usually the woman who
needs to bring that excitement back, and tend it to keep it from going away. Sounds like you've done some things to try and keep it going, I suggest
being mysterious every now and then. Flirt with him like you did when you both were younger. Surprise him when he comes home sometimes, like have
the kids go to a sitters house or their friends house for the evening or the night. If you can't do that, then invite him home for lunch while the
kids are at school. Do something completely different than the 'same old', that will keep him on his toes wondering what the heck to expect next.
Having a date night is good, just the two of you without the kids. And a family night is good too, kids will be more willing to let you two go
off on your own if they know they have a special night too.
Have some time just for you, and let him have some time just for him. If he knows, actually KNOWS from you, that you are going to let him act
trustworthy and you are going to believe him, then he can relax and use that time with his buddies, not worry that he's going to get the 5th degree
while he's gone and when he gets back. I raised three sons alone, and I trusted them to act right when they weren't home. Sure I worried about
them and what they might get up to while they were gone. But they were young men, they NEEDED to know that I believed in them and could take them at
their word. And they acted accordingly! So is the same with your husband I think. He NEEDS to know you believe in him. Yes the trust is shaky to
non-existent, HE doesn't need to know that though. If he feels as though you are on his side and believe in him and take him at his word, then
'usually' a man will act accordingly. It's kind of like fake it til you make it. If you intend to stay in your marriage, then it's got to start
If you are determined that none of this will work, and you have your mind made up already to move on in your life, then goooooooooo. Don't wait
around, don't drag the inevitable out. I suggest talking with a counselor (just you) in that case, and get help making a plan. Once a plan is made,
then STICK to it. Do not let him know ahead of time, cuz he's already shown that he can talk you out of leaving, make a ton of promises that he may
not intend to keep, but knows he can get to you by saying them. Some relationships just do not work, and if this is yours, then make your plan, stick
to it, don't tell him ahead of time, get ready what you'll need, and then just do it.
I've been in this situation before, when my sons were very young. I only had two sons when I first thought of leaving. But I was too scared to go.
I didn't know how I could support myself. I didn't think it would be fair to my sons. So I stayed. The only thing that changed was I had another
son! If I had thought I couldn't take care of two sons on my own, how was I gonna do that with three? Well... I went to a counselor, made a plan,
and when I was ready, we got the heck outta dodge. My sons were 2, 4, and 6. That was 20 years ago. We managed just fine! Everything I had worried
about that kept me from leaving, none of that happened. It was the FEAR of the unknown that kept me with my ex. After we left and I had time to look
back and sort everything out in my mind, I realized that I 'should have' left sooner, right when I had first determined I wasn't gonna put up with
his s*** anymore.
(acccccck am out of room again! 2 b con't once more)