Good Morning! (Big smile) I didn’t have a chance to check in sooner. I hurdled out of bed at 5:45 am, put the coffee on and hopped in the shower,
dried my arm off, and popped that 14-mg. patch on. Drove my son to school, came home and rode on the elliptical
I really think I need the patch
all day Kinglizard
. Yesterday was just too hard, and I cheated…but I’m bound and determined not to cheat on you today Josh!
Yesterday I had the worst cranial headache imaginable…a side effect I’m sure, much like giving up caffeine. But even still, I only smoked a
few…it was little enough that I was still suffering withdrawals.
Since putting the patch on over four hours ago, I have only put 2 cups of coffee in my mouth, an apple, and water. That’s much better. I don’t
seem to be fidgeting with my hands, and I’m not shoving food in my mouth. Josh, I really did bring home some chop sticks last night
very good with chop sticks, so if I start pigging out…I’ll force myself to use them and most of my food will end up on the floor.
Damn dial up…U-tube is still loading that movie clip, but I can tell it’s a tearjerker already. I’m gonna be crying with you Whaaa!
I tell you another sad story, and it’s another reason why I’m determined to kick this habit. My little sister is a heroine addict. When we found
out roughly 9 years ago, it was because she called crying, the state of Oregon had just taken her 3 kids away. She was always the black sheep, and
illusive with the family, so we had no idea. I took those 3 kids in, put my sister into detox (one of many expensive attempts), so she could get on
the path to having her children back. I was so stressed, that’s when I took up smoking again, and I had been a non-smoker for about 2 years at that
point. All the sudden I had 5 kids over night, a husband that traveled constantly (M-F) for his business, and a 12-hour a day job! Yes, I was stressed
beyond belief… so I picked up those cigarettes!!
So anyway in detox, they started having family counseling once a week. I was pretty disturbed to have that first meeting because I knew what was on
the agenda. My little sister had been forthcoming with some information with my other sister and I. My uncle had been raping her, my dads little
brother. My older sister was going to tell dad about that at this meeting… the same uncle that had molested my older sister and I when we were real
small. You can imagine how emotionally hard that was, in fact I was so distraught about this meeting, I fell down the stairs that morning before
leaving home and broke my foot badly…FYI…don’t use the stairs when you are sobbing, because you really can’t see where you are going.
Anyhow, to make a long story short, my sister lost all parental rights to her children because she couldn’t seem to stay off the heroine. She told
me once she loved it, she hated it, that it was her lover and it was her worst enemy. I talked to my dad the other day, and he said my sister had been
clean for a couple of years now, had a job…a manager at that! I haven’t seen or talked to my sister in over 8 years, she stole my jewelry, made up
horrific stories so I would give her money- etcetera. I’m not holding a grudge against her… I decide 8 years ago that my plate was way too full to
deal with a f--k up like her that wouldn’t help herself. Well now she’s clean, a little too late to have her kids, but By God if she can give up
heroine…. I can give up the damn cigarettes. And I shall.
The U-tube movie is done. OMG…I’m going to call him Jack
, because that’s what his hat says. I cried with him, I prayed for him, I felt
his pain about losing his friend, I remember when my Grandpa died in hospice care (He was at home, but hospice was in the house) Those hospice people
have dying down to a science, you know they give you a little book about what to expect at every step along the dying path…It is so accurate.
…. I hope you made it buddy
I feel like I just wrote a book…a raw look into jensouth’s life. Your lucky I gave you the short version of the heroine story, it was very
Don't worry Baby...everything is gonna be all right
Edit** to add
[edit on 2/8/2007 by jensouth31]