The Perfect Mutation!!!!!!

So, I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'.............
I was watchin' this program on my fancy 14" zenith television about how you can take two different kinds of plants, and graft them together, and it will grow as one plant. Hmmmmm.......That really makes me do some thinkin'...........
So I says to myself, Self, what would be really perfect to graft together?

Hmmmmm............... C'mon brain, do some really cool thinkin' and stuff....

A Lemon tree and a Lime tree? Hmmmm, squeeze those fruits, and it would taste like lemon lime soda. Hmmm that would be nice, but there has to be somethin' more perfect than that..........

How about celery and carrots? That way that really thin girl who works in my office would only have to buy one thing instead of those chopped celery and carrot sticks she always eats? Nah, she's a pain in the ass, let her buy two things!

Hmmmmm..... I wonder if you grafted corn and peas together, if you would get peas on the cob, or corn in a pod? I gotta do some thinkin' about that one you bet.

Now here's some good thinkin', how about Barley and hops? That way they could make beer alot quicker. Oh that's sweet genius!

How about a pear and a cactus? In the plant world, cactus really have no talent, and aren't very friendly, and pears have that funny shape and stuff. I don't know what it would end up being, but I bet that whatever it is, it would remind me of Britney Spears. Nope - FAR from perfect.

Hmmmmm.............. I wonder.............

With clonin' and stuff I wonder if they could graft animals together?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm.......... Man that would be soooo cool!

Like you could graft together an ant and an ant eater. Man that would be so much fun to watch! That Ant/Ant Eater would be so confused!

Wait! Oh brain, I love you! How about a Turkey and a Centipede? That way there's enough drumsticks to go around at Thanksgiving! That would be sooo cool!

Or like you could graft a pig and a chicken. YEAH! I would call it a Chig. Yep I could go out and grab a Chig, throw it in the microwave and have a nice bacon and egg breakfast.

Oh man! How about this! A horse and a cow! I would call it a Corse! Yep when a Cowboy is ridin' along on the range on his trusty Corse, if he gets thirsty and stuff, he can just reach down and get some nice milk. That's better than a cupholder!

Or like you could graft a crab and a whale together. Now that would be JUMBO lump crabmeat!

I think I gotta go and get my fancy chemistry set. I bought the really cool one from Toys R Us, and it's got all kinds of scientific stuff in it and all. Yep, I'm gonna start tryin' to graft some really cool things and stuff.

This has had only 15 views? Had to post a comment just to bump it back up. It's flippin' HILARIOUS!

A crab and a whale. Crale? Whab?

Good stuff.

So I'm sittin' here doin' some more thinkin........... So I says to myself, Self? What else would be a really cool mutated graft and stuff.
Hmmmmmmm...........
C'mon brain, do some really good thinkin' here...........

How about a cat and a dog? Man! That is some good thinkin'! Yep, it would love you like a good dog, and would take care of itself without having to go out every 5 minutes!

Hmmmmmm, how about a tomato and pepper. Yep, just add Vodka and you have an instant Bloody Mary!

How about a Shar-pai, and a Buzzard? Yep, I really like those wrinkly Shar-Pei dogs! And Buzzards never really do anything except sit there and pick on dying things. I wonder if Dick Cheney is a mix of a Shar Pei and a Buzzard!?

Or like you could graft a Shrimp and a Cock Roach! Yep, I'd call it a Shrimp Cock! Yep with the way those sneaky little cock roaches multiply, the world would have so many Shrimp Cocks that no one would be hungry!

WAIT! I GOT IT! I could mutate my loser brother in law with a slug! MAN! Like when we're sittin' at the table and he's boring the hell out of everyone with his stupid jokes, I could "accidently" spill some salt on him, and he'd blow up! Now that's PERFECT!

Nice thread Lombozo.
So I was thinking what if you grafted a man and a fruit bat together, do you think you would get fruit eating vampire?

"I vant to suck that blood orange"

They cant come out during daytime but at night time they have to stay in and eat fruit, What a life...

So, I'm sittin' here doin' some more thinkin'. So I says to myself, Self? What would be another really cool graft mutation?

Hmmmmmm.................

C'mon brain, do your thing...............

Like you could graft a shark with a seal. Yeah! That way when those seal hunters try to hit those little baby seals in the head with a big stick, those seals would jump up and bite those seal hunters! I bet those seal hunters would be so surprised!

Wait! Oh man, this is some really good thinkin'!

Like you could graft together a Duck Billed Platypus and an Eagle! Yeah! I don't know exactly what you'd get, but the only thing that Platypus is missing is wings. That would be so cool!

Or like how about this! Graft a peanut with a grape! Man! I would call it Peap! Yep, I would take one of those peaps, wrap it in bread and have a perfect sandwich!

Oh brain, you are amazing!