posted on Jan, 26 2007 @ 11:36 AM
This is hard for me, I've posted here before about my relationship problems and it helped to get things off my chest so here goes:
If you google relationship advice there's tonne of advice type sites but I thought bts was as good as any, it's hard to beat hearing individual
responses from those who may have experienced similiar.
Okay, I will try to be brief,
I fell in love 2 years ago with a girl I work with,( im not young and im not old),she was married and sepearted with kids, she is a good bit older
than me but that hasn't been a problem, although they say you shouldn't see people you work with we enjoyed a very healthy and amazing relationship
for close on two years, my first serious relationship. We shared everything and became best friends and rarely if ever argued. Sexually we both had a
lot of fun also and there were no problems there.
When I took holidays last year I returned to find her constantly texting and taking private calls on her phone, as we are very open, I found this
strange and became slightly concerned, suspicious even. This continued until finally I could not take anymore and I asked her was there anything up as
I thought it could also be a medical thing? She said no she was just having some trouble with her kids and that she was going through a hard time, I
told her I was there for her and she seemed upset.
Things were weird after that and she continued to take calls / send texts even in my company, I didn't act but I (regret this) freaked out and began
trying to find out who she was talking to.
Without going into detail I discovered it was a guy we both know, who I knew (I thought) much better than she did, I wasn't surprised as they have a
lot in common (both seperated with kids) so i thought maybe they'd become good mates so I let it be.
However this gnawed at me until one day when she'd left work the suspicion got the better of me and I checked her computer for signs of emails,
messages etc, I ddin't find anything but what I did do (amazingly) and stupidly was not delete what I'd done and next morning she discovered I'd
been snooping. To say I wanted the world to swallow me up would be an understatement, but she acted quite calmly, I told her why I had been looking
and she said there was nothing going on and that they were just friends and of course 'how could I disobey' her trust!
So she took her time and told me that she still loved me but she didn't have time for me anymore, my world fell apart, I didn't sleep, didn't eat
and became depressed without her. The hardest thing was we still had to and still do work together every day.
I did everything to show her how guilty and sorry I felt, letters, flowers, gifts, saying sorry, everything, all I got was the same response, she
still loved me but didn't have 'time' for me anymore.
Xmas has passed and although things had gone quiet I found out when we got a phonebill that she was still constantly ringing this guy usually when I
was out of the office, this left me feeling even worse and I began to suspect she was having an affair with him again.
The reason I am writing this and I'm sorry for dragging this out is firstly, I love this girl more than anything in the world, I want to be with her
and be part of her life again, I want us to be as happy as we were in the past.
BUT in the last few days, the table turned, I accidentally heard her discussing me over the phone with her 'friend', she basically was putting me
down and making fun of me behind my back, this broke my heart, although I still feel like the guilty one for going behind her back last year I would
never 'diss' her or talk like that about her to anyone, I love this person.
I feel sick, my world has fallen apart, I feel as bad as I did this time last year, she has shocked me, i realise now finally that I can never be with
her again, although I don't think she is actaully cheating on me with this guy, he has become seemingly her best friend and she confides in him
instead of me.
I feel I should confront her and let her know, that I know how she really feels about me, I'm embarassed to tell my closest friends as I hate the
thought of admitting how my seemingly great relationship with this girl has deteriorated into a farce really.
I now feel fairly confident that when things started to go awry last year she was probably fed up with me and looking to move on but she didn't have
the guts and possibly was happy when she had the opportunity to tell me it was over.
She has never actually said 'I don't love you anymore, or our relationship is over' she is far too clever, she has kept me hanging on, constantly
running after her like a dog after the tail of a runaway car.
Now I have the ammunition (for want of a better word) to let her know that I know what her game is, I want her to go through what I have put myself
thrpugh for the last six months, does this make me a bad person?
We still have to work together and I know that if I confront her things are going to get nasty and our friendship may dissolve along with the fact
that work could become unbearable. The most pathetic thing is that i would still take her back in the morning, I still love her but how can I ever
move on if I know that the person I love really resents me and is pretending to be my best friend when she quite clearly isn't.
Look I'm sorry folks I confused myself writing that, please no one line answers like 'tell her to go to hell' etc, if it was that easy i would,
some female perspectives would be most welcome'. I am probably leaving out lots more detail but if I go on I'll need my own website!