Great Phone Support Stories...., page 1

Wasn't sure to put this, but this seemed like a place... Though it's a joke, it's definitely aimed at this audience...

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to
control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag
the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax
anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the
man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the
monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer
worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and
soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them
individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because
his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained
that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken
personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told
the tec that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had
also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that
his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her
new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in,
the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her
response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened."
The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer
wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there
for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened
when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for
support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the
second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the
third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that
"Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:
CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my
warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you
receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this
cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep had to
mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The
caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder
and it had snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under window s." The woman
responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is
working fine."

12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same
time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"