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To Spank Or Not To Spank

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posted on Feb, 1 2007 @ 02:42 PM
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Hi Chissler,

I have a young child of 15 months, He's gotten to the age where he is exploring everything ie. He tries to open the oven, plays around with electric sockets etc. I smack him on the back of the hand when he does something dangerous. Right after I've smacked him I point to what it was that is dangerous and loadly say "ouch" This approach seems to be working, as he gets older and I can converse with him I'll try to exlain verbally that what he is doing will hurt him but at the moment the hand smack is getting the message across. What do you say to this approach?

I know that capital punishment in older children and even adults does work but it instills the wrong type of respect. I say this because in school I was in the last of the years that capital punishment was allowed in schools, I did as I was told with the teachers that smacked me but once their back was turned I cursed them. The teachers that tried to explain to me why my actions were innapropriate i tended to respect more. In adult life I'm a soldier, I once did something my colour Sgt. disagreed with and he whacked me on the back with his pace stick, I know to be more careful around him now but I have lost respect for him. Commanders that motivate me to do well by verbal means are the ones I am gladly led by.




posted on Feb, 1 2007 @ 04:23 PM
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Originally posted by Radekus
I agree, the best my father used was a combination of physical with emotional. Made me the man I am today. If a kid is not resposive with the physical, use emotional. A combination of both is usually highly effective. I'm personally just sadenned and sick of all the spoiled brats I see all around me when I walk down the street. The fact that the government is interfering with parent's ways of bringing their kids up has this as a consequence. a Bounch of carless narcistic sheepole.


It is one thing to condone a smack on the butt, but advocating a parent using an emotional approach to behaviour modification, words can not even explain that. Insulting your child is not going to do a damn thing. Actually I'll stop right here. Because on this point, you and I can discuss this until we are both blue in the face. You have your values, I have mine. It is quite clear they differ. I will say that I openly disagree with the approach, but if you feel it has worked with your family, than that is entirely your decision to make.


Originally posted by Radekus
You're not serious? you're teaching the kid that everytime they'll do something good they'll get a reward, that's idiotic,


Now it is time for you to do the same. Insulting my approach does what for your own?


Originally posted by Radekus
What are you gonna do when they have tantrums in the middle of a store? Keep asking them politely to stop? That's how you teach them that they can get away with it. And promising and then giving a reward when they do makes them more suseptible to have tantrums, cuz they know that if they stop they'll get rewarded.


Do you see what you are doing? You ask me a question. Then you proceed to assume what I would respond with. Then you follow that up with a response to an assumption on your behalf. If I may, I'll try to step in for a moment on this scenario.

Before you ever enter the store, it is imperative that you inform the child of the expectations for their behaviour in the store. It has been empirically proven that this small aspect of the approach will enhance the likeliness of the child behaving. If the child does not abide by your expectations, you remove he or she from the store. When you return home they would face some sort of consequence. I am not ignoring their bad behaviour, there are consequences for it. But I am going to spend more time reinforcing a good behaviour than punishing a bad behaviour.

A child's brain is not as developed as ours. They do not understand or comprehend all of their surroundings. It is tough for them to comprehend the punishment that we are giving them. The simple spanking of a child is completely ineffective. If the parent informs the child of their behaviour, tries to indicate exactly what their behaviour caused, and then follows up with the same punishment, consistently every time, then it would be suffice to say the parents could expect some sort of modification to their behaviour.

Again I say, you have your values an I have mine. I am happy to continue the discussion as I firmly believe in what I say. But I would ask that you refrain from referring to approaches that differ from your own as idiotic. Not everyone is going to share your opinion. That is hardly the determining factor in what is and is not idiotic.


Originally posted by Jimmy1880
What do you say to this approach?


Well I would assume that it is a small tap on the wrist which your child does not appreciate. Hopefully the child will correlate the object of their desire with this horrible feeling. (The slap on the wrist) With toddlers, they can not understand anything abstract. They see what they want and they go for it. Teaching them hot and cold is a process, but extremely important. Especially with household appliances. The little slap is fine as long as you are trying to explain to the child why they are receiving it. Do not yell and try to speak in terms they can understand. Try to be on their level with eye contact and ask them what they think of the situation.

Little questions and details can go a long way. The best way to learn is from natural consequences. These are learning from our own mistakes. But we can not teach a child not to play in traffic by getting hit by a car, or a child not to touch by burning their hand. So we need to try alternative approaches and help them understand. It can be very tricky.

Consistency is the biggest thing though. If you are not consistent, the child will be confused. If they do it one time and are punished, but not the next time, they really can not understand this.



Originally posted by Jimmy1880
I know that capital punishment in older children and even adults does work but it instills the wrong type of respect. I say this because in school I was in the last of the years that capital punishment was allowed in schools, I did as I was told with the teachers that smacked me but once their back was turned I cursed them. The teachers that tried to explain to me why my actions were innapropriate i tended to respect more. In adult life I'm a soldier, I once did something my colour Sgt. disagreed with and he whacked me on the back with his pace stick, I know to be more careful around him now but I have lost respect for him. Commanders that motivate me to do well by verbal means are the ones I am gladly led by.


This is a good aspect that you raise. Do we want to raise our children as soldiers? There is no one answer on this one. Anyone who wants to think their approach is the one and only, so be it. I'm not hear to say my opinions are the only validated thoughts on the subject, but it is my opinion that it is effective.



 
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