posted on Jan, 11 2007 @ 03:37 PM
I can remember the first time I even heard of ufo's -
I was around three years of age, and my father called me into the living room to watch a television program called "UFO" (this was around 1978) and
I remember watching the show transfixed at the images of flying crafts and the possibility of alien life.
The show gave no clear cut answers, but it sent my imagination spinning at the time.
After we had finished watching the broadcast, I returned to my room and continued playing around with my toys, never giving what I had seen any
further thought until I was around seven years of age and my mother introduced me to the original Star Trek series.
Once again, I was transfixed and fascinated - and very creeped out by one of the visual images at the end of the closing credits.
As I grew older, I went through the common experience of being scared of getting abuducted, wanting to see an actual ufo and even reading/watching
books and visual media on the subject. I've never gotten too deeply involved with the issue outside of childlike curiousity.
Several years ago, shortly after being diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, I began to see very clear visual hallucinations of several entities
that I can only describe as being alien in appearance.
I've fought off delusions and episodes stressing the actuality of alien life forms being on this planet - mainly because my hallucinations have no
real life value or purpose, but also because I cannot create a workable storyline to explain what I have seen, felt, heard and thought during these
Is it an overactive imagination from my childhood experiences manifesting through my chemical imbalance? Is it symptoms of something real going on
under the radar of conventional reality? I don't know.
The subject, while it still holds a bit of creative fascination for me, has become a terrifying and sometimes unwanted thoughtscape, simply because my
experiences are so subjective and there are no clear cut answers.
The continual attacks from non believers and people who dismiss everything as nothing more than the product of a chemically imbalanced brain don't
help make what I've been going through any easier either.
Could it be the subconcious upwelling of childhood memories gone awry?
I don't know.
Might it be because I don't really have a niche or solid foothold in the accepted dictates of reality? Is it because I believe in a better and more
enlighted way of life?
Can't say for sure.
Is it because the majority of my social interactions with the people on this planet have been confusing and logical conundrums?
Maybe. It makes sense to me that if someone is disatisfied with some aspects of their lives that they would search for alternatives - whether it be
opimistic of the future or a pessimistic blame game.