Strange days indeed.
I'm writing this down in the hope that if i'm not around anymore there may be someone left to make sense of it all.
It all really started for me that day down the beach at Elliot Heads, i'd only just paddled out and had been waiting on my board, watching further
out to sea for a decent wave. The swell had only just picked up and i saw my chance, no one else had grabbed the wave so i took off paddling like a
mad man when a bloody cow
dropped in on my wave and nearly wiped me out. I
nearly crapped myself, and i reckon i might have if i hadn't just bought my wetsuit a week ago, i wasn't going to ruin it, it cost a bloody fortune.
What a crock i hear you say, well i guess i'd find it pretty hard to believe too. My old man actually knows the farmer who owned the cow, old Neville
Atkinson. There was even a guy on the radio, some professor of animal studies or some such thing talking about it.
I managed to ride the wave in the rest of the way to the beach only to see the damn cow reach the shore before me, turn right around and swim back out
about three hundred yards or so. Safer to stay out of the water for the time being i figured so i just hung around for a bit to watch the show as a
bit of a crowd had started to show up. A mate, Jimmy, rocked up about ten minutes later with a six pack of beer and a couple of deck chairs. News
travels pretty fast around here.
"Hey Davo" he said as he set up his chairs and cracked the top off a stubbie, "grab a beer mate".
"Dont mind if i do Jimmy, that blasted cow nearly wiped me out you know". I still couldnt believe it.
"Dammdest thing, the boys from Neville's farm have been looking for her all morning".
"Anything gonna bring a shark in it's got to be a bloody surfing cow mate, i ain't going back in today that's for sure".
"Yeh, bloody strange stuff going down lately Davo, i saw old Pete from the pub chasin' Alby's dog down the main street last night, it had his
missus wooden leg in it's mouth and was givin' it a fearful chew as it bolted past".
I just shook my head in amazement and watched as the cow picked up another nice swell and rode it in, legs windmilling crazily as it tried to keep
abreast of the wave.
I knocked off the rest of my beer and said goodbye to Jimmy and headed back up to my van, no point hanging around anymore, once you've seen a cow
body surf in on a good size wave a couple of times it sort of lose's it's appeal.
Once i'd stowed my board i decided to head down to Bundaberg and see what some of the other boy's might be up to, it was bloody good drinking
weather after all and the damned cow had already ruined my morning surf.
I hadn't driven more than a couple of kilometres when i saw a nice lookin' bird standing by the side of the road with the hood up on her commodore,
being the chivalrous sort of bloke i am i decided to pull over and see if she needed a lift.
"Whats up love, need a hand". She didnt answer for a second or two and had this odd look on her face.
"Ah, yeh sure that would be good, strangest thing just happened" she said " a bloody roo just jumped straight out in front of me and smashed in the
front of my car, then bounced up again and took off into the bush".
"Not that strange love we've got plenty of roo's around here".
"Yeh, well how many of those roo's are wearing floral bathrobes and have barbie dolls in their pouches".
Now i didn't know what to say, and that's even stranger than everything else that had happened today, it's well known that i could talk under water
with a mouth full of marbles if something needed saying.
"Well i've just seen a cow body surfing down at Elliot's Head and my mate Jimmy saw a dog running down the street with a wooden leg in it's mouth
last night, so i guess a roo in a bathrobe shouldn't really surprise me that much".
"Don't forget the barbie doll".
"Hell no, i wouldn't think of forgetting the barbie doll," I said some what peevishly, she didn't seem to think that my cow story warranted much
attention, bloody typical. Things just started getting stranger and stranger by the minute.
"Well do you want a lift into town", i added reluctantly, even though she was a looker i was annoyed at her lack of interest.
"Yeh that would be great, do you think my insurance will cover accidents with kangaroo's in bathrobes".
"Well i wouldn't mention the bathrobe if i were you" i said as we climbed into my van", they might think you'd had a few too many".
"What about the barbie doll".
I didn't bother answering her question, why are the good looking ones always so irritating. I decided that i'd drop her off first chance i got.
She asked me if i'd let her out down near the Bundy distillery as she had a friend that worked there, so i did. Not a word of thanks as she got out
of the car just this blank rubbery look on her face. Big deal, so she'd seen a roo in a bathrobe, oh and by the way don't forget the bloody barbie
doll, as if i could.
I watched her wander off, pity really, she sure did look good from behind.