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Newz Forum: OTHER: Dean's List: Face Mask

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posted on May, 22 2005 @ 01:44 PM
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The mystery rages on. It's been over a year since Rick Hamilton started wearing a mask to protect his face - the nose of which was broken twice last season - and he's not about to take it off any time soon...
 

Surely, Hamilton's honker can honk again. It's not like a back injury. Noses have a long history of quick healing, what with the lack of bone and all. Still, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary - the vision impairment, the rough feel, and the inhuman quality of it all - the mask comforts Hamilton. It gives him an identity, albeit a faceless one, and credits him as something of a low-level superhero, or at the very least a bottom-rung basketball star...

But maybe Rip's on to something here. And maybe if his teammates followed suit, the defending champs would be even scarier than they already it. Picture it: Billups, Prince, Wallace, and Wallace, and even coach Brown, all in masks. And even assistant coach Gar Heard - you know, the one who looks like Benson, the guy from the hit '80s sitcom. Speaking of which, I smell a spin-off: Irreverent dramady about a butler-turned-lieutenant governor-turned-assistant coach in Detroit, where anything can happen. Back to the point...

Just the sight of mysterious masked men in blue-and-white costumes would be too hot too handle, even for the favored Miami Heat, and even for the Suns in the NBA Finals. And like Zorro, the Lone Ranger, and Wonderwoman before them, the soon-to-be two-time defending champions will ride off into the sunset, not just heroes - superheroes yet again...

With his team trailing, 3-2, in its best-of-seven, second-round playoff series against the Pistons, Pacers guard Steven Jackson was eager to set the record straight. "We're 11 games from an NBA championships," explained the small forward, "and we're two games from an Eastern Conference title." Which begs the question: Which round is best-of-nine? And why are the Pacers - one game removed from Jackson's comments - already home for the summer?

I thought I'd never see the day. But at 39 years of age, Reggie Miller - who's made a Hall-of-Fame living as the resident enemy, the quintessential foil, the guy you just love to hate - became the sentimental favorite in the NBA playoffs, if only for a game...

Did anyone else catch the Planet of the Apes remake a couple years back? You know, the one with Marky Mark Wahlberg, who - incidentally - bears a striking resemblance to a monkey. I know, I know, it wasn't a very good movie. Quite bad, even. But I still think ABC sideline reporter Michele Tafoya did a pretty bang-up job as Ari, the lovable female ape who crusades against the evil of her own kind. She really made the part come to life. And to do it all without any makeup...

Oh, and Heat coach Stan Van Gundy is the alter ego of the late, great Andy Kaufman, abrasive lounge singer Tony Clifton...

It might sound off-base, but maybe a homerun shouldn't count toward on-base percentage. Because when it's all said and done, the batter's off-base...

In the words of the late, great Johnny Cash, "life ain't easy being a boy named Sue." And it sure as hell can't be easy being a guy named Putz. Still, like Sue before him, Seattle reliever JJ Putz is hanging tough with a high-'90s heater, a 1.04 WHIP and 14 strikeouts in 15.1 innings pitched thus far in 2005...

In what was thought to be the geographical mismatch of the young century, Huston Street took on New York this past Sunday, with the former coming out on top. In fact, the Oakland reliever tossed an inning and a third of no-hit relief, albeit in an eventual 6-4 loss...

With a homer against Atlanta this past Friday, Boston catcher Jason Varitek has gone deep in five consecutive May 20ths. To be clear, that's a crazy coincidence, not a bona fide baseball stat. But I think that's only common sense...

In other, less coincidental news, I always celebrate my birthday on July 14th, the day I was born. I'm Dean Christopher, Deans-List.net...

[Edited on 5/22/05 by deanchristopher]




 
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