PLEASE READ: Bad complaints and how to avoid them...

This is a little tutorial on how to avoid making a bad complaint, that is a complaint that does not meet the criteria. These are actual examples culled from the complaints recieved. some details may be changed to protect the innocent.


First up: Whats wrong with this complaint

I feel I am being harassed by two individuals in this thread that are working together to gang up on me, ridicule me, and lastly to make ridiculous demands on me.

Easy to see: Where is it happening, who is it happening to and who is doing the attacking. There is little we can do here.

#2 Whats the problem here?

why cant i enter the above ts forum
i have over the 3.500 ats points and still cant enter the forum can i get an explaniation ???

Darwinism at work here, what is your name, and where is your money? (Do you think we do this for free?)

#3 This one breaks the clear rules...

Goodbye you bonehead Dear ultra dragon one silver, or whatever your stupid nick is online,

I am sorry but the relationship is over. I can no longer carry on as your girlfriend. I cant stand it any longer. I dont know the best way to contact you as you are always on the internet in that stupid childish abovetopsecret website so I will send this email there.

Please come around at once and remove your inflatable alien from the bedroom, I will no longer have it in the bed, nor do I want your 20 videos of Xfiles, admit it, that program has passed its used by date, even the one with Scullys breast in it, you have seen that more times than mine.

I am also disgusted with your glowing condoms with reptoids on them so take them as well. I am sick of your obsession with Roswell and that bit of shiney metal that you found there will have to go. I dont care if it has strange markings on it.

I knew you were a geek when I first met you but your appearance is making me sick. Before you meet your next partner here is some advice. Please brush your teeth for once, that green grin and onion breath is just too much for me to bear. Stop living on pizza and coke and staring at the stupid screen for 24/7 get a life .

Startrek was just a TV series for Gods sake, so take of that stupid badge and those fake pointed ears, and stop talking about the NWO, dont you know it just kills conversations?

I know you wont notice that I have left for at least a week, but have a good life, hell, get a life, anyway.
Karen.

Whats wrong? We don't have a poster here called Karen, we are not that stupid, anyway whats wrong with Xfiles?

#4 A classic style Whats wrong with this?

Warning to all mods and admin
I am a professional alien investigator and I have been observing your forum for some time. I believe that you have among you some beings that are not human. Beware, there is an alien mod who is mascarading as a human. You must find him and have him eliminated Some of the ways you can tell that a mod is an alien is by the desire to delete posts and control others. I will survey the members of this site to find out who that inteloper is, alien infections are dangerous, you must be on your guard.

Sometimes aliens say that they come from non english speaking countries to hide their poor verbal skills. Typically these countires will be unasuming ones, with a population who are decidedly bland, such as many of the north european countries. Check to see if any of your mods are from these places. This is information for your own protection.

The answer? We know this peson excaped from Zetatalk.com, crazies will be immedaitly banned.

#5 Another common error

I wunt a job

To the adminstraighter of this site.

Dear Sir, I would like to bekom a mod on this site. I bleve that I have the abiliti and eksperence that you need.

I have just suksesfuli kompletd my 9th year of skooling going back as an adult student. I am able to read english good, ekspesaly the TV pages, and rite good with big crayons. Since my operation my nuckels not longer drag on the grund, and the hair on the back of my hands has been trimmed. I am also very level headed, you can tell becuase the drool comes evenly out of both sides of my face.

To kontackt me plez email me at [email protected]

Sorry all the jobs are taken... what are we some sort of employment agency?

#6 This one was a doozy..

B and B account information please pay immediatly

Babes and Browsers Account Information

Dear Mr *******
Thankyou for your custom at Babes and Browsers, the only internet capable brothel.

Although we hold you in great esteem owing to your phenomenal prowess at our establishment, we have been unable to contact you to settle your account with us.

Our technicians found this website to be the one you accessed as a moderator whilst recovering between your marathon exertions and we are forced to send this bill here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our account to date

Session 1

Hours in room - 9 hours
Replacement goods - 4 pairs of sheets worn through
Number of girls serviced - 14 girls
Refreshments required - 10 Heinekin bottles
Food consumed - 16 dozen oysters

Total bill $1500

(Note two girls refused payment as they said they had never been so well satisfied, this has been credited to the bill)

We are not billing you for sessions 2, 3, and 4, as the videos we made from them have more than recouped the costs involved.

Thank you for your Custom, its not often that the girls applaud clients when they enter our establishment, yours was the only time I can remember.

We hope to see you back once our girls have recovered sufficently.

Sincerely Yours

Buxxom Beverly

You got it ... PLEASE NO personal corrospondence through the complaint system. Send an invoice to the person by mail please.

#7 Finally this last one left us baffled...

I have a mods love child

Hi I met one of your mods at a party about 10 months ago. I dont know his name, but he said that he moderated ATS, so here I am.

I know that this will be a big shock to him, he probably doesnt even remember the episode, but that one night of fun has taken an unexpected turn, you now have a baby boy who is one month old.

I need to contact him quickly as my son needs a father, we are living with my parents and need to get another place to live. I want to spend my life with you as I love ATS and any mod there is worth having my kids with.

Please contact me back about it.

[email protected]

No one owned up to this so whoever is the father please stop using this board as a place for personal issues.


I hope this clears up some of the common misconceptions (and conceptions by the look of it) around making a complaint.

[Edited on 11-12-2003 by Netchicken]

thanks for the info NC...

LOL..... those are sooooooo funny NC!

I've been good and haven't complained......

but that dude on your avatar is REALLY UGLY

Originally posted by MountainStar


but that dude on your avatar is REALLY UGLY

can we complain about that dude???

he scares me and i can think right woth him there!

Hooray!
Thanks morningstar and Russian, I thought my humor had excaped everyone (a sign that the board was getting too UPTIGHT) ... btw thse were actual utus...

Um, as far as this one:

I wunt a job

To the adminstraighter of this site.

Dear Sir, I would like to bekom a mod on this site. I bleve that I have the abiliti and eksperence that you need.

I have just suksesfuli kompletd my 9th year of skooling going back as an adult student. I am able to read english good, ekspesaly the TV pages, and rite good with big crayons. Since my operation my nuckels not longer drag on the grund, and the hair on the back of my hands has been trimmed. I am also very level headed, you can tell becuase the drool comes evenly out of both sides of my face.

To kontackt me plez email me at [email protected]

That was from SkepticOverlord, looks like it worked ok!

Yeah I forgot about that Kano, but it wasn't the application, but that he got some dirt on Simon and won't tell us what it is... (oops)

LOL! thanks that was a great read gave me a good laugh..

With this site you had me second guessing for a moment. I'm sure the real ones are even funnier

What do you mean?

Those were legit.

Those were great Netchicken.

One question: How many of those were yours?

Just a little strange, huh?

LOL!!

Very funny NetChicken - a touch of humour is a great release!!

Have a relaxing (and MIB-free) holiday!!

Those are priceless, hehe....

Fantastic!! I really needed a humor injection today!!!

Well I have to say that this type of purile, persnickety, pomposity is exactly what we DO want here at ATS, IMHO.

Why these fine examples of the musings of mental ninjas should scare any Mod into compliance with the true mission of the site... "To protect the whiner until he has had enough time to steal all the source code and copy ATS on his own domain."


And now for something totally different...

That being said it appears as though brothel gymnastics will be in the upcoming olympics...

By the way, I would appreciate it if you would keep my job applications private!

Thanks...

m...

Originally posted by Netchicken

Warning to all mods and admin
I am a professional alien investigator and I have been observing your forum for some time. I believe that you have among you some beings that are not human.

Curses ! - foiled again !!!!