What would you give Jesus for His Birthday?

Would you give Him gold, frankincense, and myrrh? I would give my Soul to the only Man who has conquered sin and death. He is the prophesied Messiah and will always remain so.

What do you get someone who has everything. I mean if he can turn water into wine I'd invite him around to have xmas dinner with my family.

He can also have the hotdog maker that my mother in law gave me for xmas.

I think I'd get him a computer, so he can join ATS to dispell some myths.

I would give him a hug.

1. A Mercedes-Benz
   
2. A color TV
   
3. A Night On The *Town*

*EXCLUDING Port Arthur, Texas!



BUT most of all:
I'd definitely do all that I could about getting him laid (with all the 'extras' and top of the line attention), too....or better yet - just take care of that 'gift contribution' all by myself! As well as wash his feet, too - & feed him and listen to him (and not interrupt) and hold his head if he's tired or discouraged...and not expect anything at all from him..but to be himself in the security and confidence of my friendship!



(happy to see me?)

BTW, GT - his birthday would have been October 7 this year (Tishri 15 which is always the first day of Tabernacles aka the 'feast of the ingathering' for the harvest of the corn and wine *hint* - making the day he was circumcised Shmini Atzerat)

AND SO....

THIS is the time of year right NOW when his precious little seedling self was beginning to germinate
(if you subscribe to a physical virgin birth)

OR

(if you prefer reason and logic even if it means not always knowing HOW)
then it is a prime time for procreation: as a natural secondary effect of keeping warm on the chilly winter nights! (see Ecc. 4:11!)

Either way, conception is conception - whether by incubus or kin of Judas....

A copy of the new testament.


Boy, He'd be furious once he actually read it.

I would send him an invite to swing by for his birthday, then sometime in August or September I'd be shocked when he arrived at my front door expecting a gift.

I'd say "Dude, what the hell are you doing here, your birthday isn't for a few months"

Then the dude would say
" Hey, you said my birthday, that's today."

Then I'd say to my girlfriend.

"Honey, get me my shotgun, this here imposter is trying to say he's Jesus"

Then I'd shoot him, and keep the body in my basement for a few days. If he resurects, then I have my man. I'd shoot him again, just to be sure, but by then, that would just be for due diligance.


So, in conclusion,

I'd get him a tie.

a copy of the gospel of the flying spaghetti monster
he'd get a lot of laughs out of it

or

a pen, so he could go back in time and write down his ideas in a way that is beyond different interpretations

and a copy of:
the god delusion
the god who wasn't there
and jesus camp

Why so much opposition and disrespect towards Jesus Christ? I would recommend that you do not disrespect others, especially Divinity. Ultimately, you disrespect yourself.

Remember, Jesus Loves You!!!

Originally posted by GreatTech
Why so much opposition and disrespect towards Jesus Christ? I would recommend that you do not disrespect others, especially Divinity. Ultimately, you disrespect yourself.

Remember, Jesus Loves You!!!

um, i'm offering jesus some very thought-provoking reading material and a couple of nice dvds

also, the humor would not be lost on jesus if he is as great as you make him to be

I would give Jesus a birthday cake with a little more than 2,000 candles on it.

Then i would see how truly long winded he is as he blew the candles out.

Then Jesus could have his cake, and eat it, too.

Originally posted by GreatTech
Why so much opposition and disrespect towards Jesus Christ? I would recommend that you do not disrespect others, especially Divinity. Ultimately, you disrespect yourself.

I'm with you on this. It is a darn shame.

a pair of tight fitted jeans and a copy of the Alexisonfire album

he can dance with me

Originally posted by SteveR

Originally posted by GreatTech
Why so much opposition and disrespect towards Jesus Christ? I would recommend that you do not disrespect others, especially Divinity. Ultimately, you disrespect yourself.

I'm with you on this. It is a darn shame.

Wow, you talk about Jesus like he's a god, and above all recourse or something .

Jesus (if he ever existed) would probably laugh at such blind following.

Blind following and respect have a big difference. That was an insecure reply Rasobasi.

I would give Jesus for Christmas, what I give him almost everyday.
My apology for sometimes doubting his divinity thru my arrogance and selflove.

After that, maybe a gift card to Lowes.

I think Jesus might need a vacation for his birthday. Send him off to the bahamas for a couple of weeks. God would probably give him a couple of weeks off if we all asked nicely, wouldn't he?

Originally posted by SteveR
Blind following and respect have a big difference. That was an insecure reply Rasobasi.

first tech says i'm being disrespectful, now you're saying that raso is covering up insecurities?

come on, i made a joke, someone lashed out inappropriately, and now you're lashing out at a reprimend of the harsh sentiment

[edit on 12/27/06 by madnessinmysoul]

We weren't just addressing you. The man we're talking about is becoming the butt end of so many jokes lately it's turning into a part of popular culture. I'm not saying jokes are bad, but the ignorance that comes with them is getting severe.

Also, the posts here make a joke out of this forum, imo.

In my personal beliefs, God has a sense of humor, so I honestly don't think that him nor Jesus would find this disrespectful. I'm hoping they would laugh!

Anyways, I liked the cake idea. I mean, most people like cake right?
Especially chocolate cake. Since Chocolate was not around in jesus's day, I am sure he'd like to discover the simple pleasure of chocolate cake.