posted on Dec, 6 2003 @ 06:02 PM
Jesus tonight! I am obsessed. I am starting to talk like him...
'Balls to you man!'
'Ya bluddy junkie!'
Take a peak at these, as posted in this forum, some of his one liners:
> > * I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
> > 'Thyroid problem?'
> > * When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
> > realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and
> > asked him to forgive me.
> > *Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale
> > and sold the engine?
> > * I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to
> > go swimming.
> > * I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't
> > get on with my real ladder.
> > * I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I
> > ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
> > * A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.
> > Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
> > * Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.
> > But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may
> > break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From
> > there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
> > * My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is
> > probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.
> > * Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better
> > have a good hand.
> > * I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour
> > said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."
> > * If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out
> > of meat?
> > * I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous
> > and give the wrong answers.
> > * You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
> > * Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from
> > things they don't understand, such as working for a living.
> > * I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
> > * Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think
> > I've forgotten this before.
> > * I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.