Rodney Dangerfield joke of the day

03/04/04: "I tell you I don't get no respect. Why, the surgeon general, he offered me a cigarette."

03/05/04: "This girl was fat. Her belly button has an echo. I mean fat. When she wears high heels, she strikes oil."

03/06/04: "I tell ya, my wife, she likes to talk during sex. The other night she called me from a motel."

03/07/04: "I live in a bad neighborhood. Just the other night a guy held me up. But he had class, ya know. He used an electric razor. Actually, I blame myself. I was standing right next to an outlet. Oh, this guy took everything. He took my watch, my wallet and a little off the sides."

03/08/04: "I tell ya, I come from a tough neighborhood. Why, just last week some guy pulled a knife on me. I could see it wasn't a real professional job. There was butter on it."

03/09/04: "My childhood was rough. Once for my birthday, my old man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away."

There must be loads of these jokes from him.

Originally posted by drunk
There must be loads of these jokes from him.

Yes, there is. I think that all his stand up routines were transcribed and edited into single jokes.

03/10/04: "I tell ya nothing goes right. My wife's father died. She had his body frozen. Every time I take a snack, he falls out of the refrigerator."

03/11/04: "I get no respect. I was crossing the street. I got hit by a book mobile. I was lying there in pain, screaming. The guy looked at me. He went, "Shhhh.""

03/12/04: "I tell ya, I'm not a sexy guy. I was with one girl, I said to her, "Come on honey, I'll show ya where it's at." She said, "You'd better, 'cause the last time I couldn't find it.""

03/14/04: "I take showers, I don't like baths. The last time I took a bath, I lost three of my ships."

03/15/04: "The other night I went to visit my mother. She was on her hands and knees. I said. "Ma, you're off your rocker.""

03/16/04: "When I say I'm lonely, I mean lonely. The other day in traffic a guy gave me the finger. And I enjoyed it."

03/18/04: "Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me."

03/19/04: "I tell ya, a lot of people are in bad shape. A guy stopped me in the street the other day. He told me he hasn't eaten in five days. I told him, I said, "I wish I had your will power.""

03/20/04: "I asked my doctor if my heart was strong enough for sex. He told me, "Not if I join in.""

03/21/04: "Yes, my doctor, Dr. Vinny Boom Batz, his new book just came out. It's about an American girl who marries a Mexican boy. The books entitled, "She Fell in Love While His Visa was Extended.""

03/22/04: "I tell ya, blind dates never work out. I had a blind date. The girl, she showed up, she was pregnant. What do ya say to a girl that's pregnant? What have you been doing lately? And she told me she had a fight with her boyfriend. I said, "Look, you tell your boyfriend next time you fight, he should knock you down.""

03/23/04: "I tell ya, blind dates, they never work out. I had one blind date. They told me she had early American features. Yeah, she looked like a buffalo."