I found this on another forum site and there wasn't a link, so I don't know where it came from or if it's true. If it is true, it speaks very poorly for todays education system.

Strange Actual Test Answers
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.


Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists.


Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.


Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.


Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.


Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.


Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.


Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.


Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O,and U.


Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does \"varicose\" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term \"Caesarian Section.\"
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.


Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.


Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.


Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.


Q: Use the word \"judicious\" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q. What does the word \"benign\" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.


Q: What is a Hindu?
A. It lays eggs

Some very funny awnsers.

Very entertaining, consider it as an example of educated sarcasm.

i'll bet it's real....but i truly believe our educational system is not that bad. i do believe most the problems with our kids is the parents fault! if you want your kids well educated their are excellent schools out there, yes they may cost more but sacrifices have to be made, steak or burgers, new car or education for my kids? hmmmm easy choice for me! so many people today don't take responsibility for their actions (creating a human) they pop em out and say..hey here's the world , have at it!

You can see from airplane that's meant to be a childish joke.

hehe, ya, thats not real, but it is funny.

Hahahaha! Funny! Know what? Bet if you gave it to an inner city school or a school in Florida they'd say the same thing if not worse.

Florida is in an uproar after a bunch of people don't graduate on time. Why? Florida has a get out of school test for the 12th graders. It is on a 10th grade level. Guess what race is saying this is discrimination? Guess what race again proves to be the most unable to read, do basic math(add subtract multiply division) and speak english well? Guess what race has about sixty thousand of them suing the state because thier kid didn't graduate on time due to failing the test? Also, the test is taken three times, the questions are the same, just switched around, and olny need to get 50% or higher to pass.

Then guess who is forced to make ENGLISH THE #ING LANGUAGE OF FLORIDA THROUGH A LAW! Gee, don't see Michigan passing a law saying you have to teach english in classrooms even though the kids either speak spanish or eubonics. I swear, this is a disgrace to America that you have to pass a law saying you have to teach english, the language of America, due to illegal aliens and poor blacks. Not that they poor, they have plenty of money for thier Nike shoes and thier drugs and "bling-bling". Just stupid. Hell, Coco the Gorilla more literate than some of these people.

Sorry, I am just kinda pissed off this morning after seeing a thing about the race suing the state because thier kids can't read. Showing protestors outside one of the building with thier signs, well, the parents need to go back to school so they can learn to spell big words like "government" or Govenor" or maybe even "school"(govormint, govinir, and scol were the main ones that caught my eye)

i am a TA, so i see alot of test answers, some very similar to the ones mentioned eariler. Most of the time, the student just didnt study so they fill in something and cross their fingers that i'll look over that question, or sometimes they'll even fill in ovbiously wrong answers (i.e. name the 4 seasons) to try and prove that the teacher does not fully correct the worksheets she assigns. I dont think that these answers should reflect the average student, i doubt any of you really thought that though

I've read something like this somewhere.

These possibly could be answers to real test questions, just gathered together to make a joke for fun.

I have seen this before. It was intended as a joke. However, I have seen kids give some answers as "cute" as these. ("Cute", because I taught elementary school and the kids were very young.)
I could name a few myself.
Child asking me: "Mrs. I", I have finished my story. May I study my bowels now?" (Meant VOWELS)
Or:
"The Titanic is a ship that hit an ice cube."

I taught school for 34 yrs. ...elementary level, mostly special education. Most of my teaching was in MA, but I have also had experience teaching in VA, Hawaii and Mexico also.
The schools in this country seem UNEVEN as to ability to teach. Certain regions are more advanced than others. Within those regions there are different levels of excellence. Within certain schools, there are variances from grade to grade.
I have seen some GOOD teaching, some BAD teaching, some good principals, some BAD principals. The same with school psycologists. : :
In the U.S. we have to teach kids of VARIOUS BACKGROUNDS. This makes it difficult. It may be an almost impossible task in some places.
It is not an "inner city" problem. I am Black, and was raised in a small city. However, my family was dignified and VALUED education. (Like Colin Powell or Bill Cosby) When families do not value education, they are "culturally deprived".
part of the problem lies in the homes, and part of the problem lies in the schools.

Schools are only as good as the teachers and students...

To be successful in school, a kid needs to WANT to learn... If someone WANTS to learn, then even bad schools and teachers won't stop them...

BTW: Those answers above make me want to stick my head and the sand and pretend I'm not the same species as those "people"

This is my favorite...

Q: What does \"varicose\" mean?
A: Nearby.

[Edited on 3-12-2003 by Gazrok]

that is totaly fake. No one would answer like that. Why would so many unrelated topics be asked on the same test anyway. That's stupid.

[Edited on 09/28/03 by jabb]

Actually, it could be real. Even if it weren't, it's been known to happen. In fact, you should see my marketing test last year (but that's an example of not knowing answers and using sarcasm)

Sometime's when kid's/anyone are asked common sense questions such as "what are the 4 seasons" they feel like their being treated as "dumb", or they just have the word "duh" stuck in their head so they answer with sarcasm. Obviously if their not educated, they wouldn't even be able to do that. Sometime's when they are asked dumb questions they respond with dumb questions. Therefor what I'm saying is, this is not a lack in education. It is actually one of 2 things. 1. an joke (which I'm assuming, just like the popular "McDonalds application") 2. The kid got asked dumb questions so he responded with dumb answer's. The person actually looked smart to me, because his joke like answer's were smart come backs.

I think sometime's the problem with the american government is they take thing's like this too seriously. If they find a test like this they say "well this kid's a complete dumbass" and throw it away and put a talley on it for "dumb people in america". When in all actuality this person could be on of the best debaters of his time. Which is why we still have an electoral college... the government thinks the citizens are too dumb to elect a president, but really the american's are really intelligent. We just don't respond like other countries because we're different then other countries.

Originally posted by James the Lesser
. . . . Guess what race is saying this is discrimination? Guess what race again proves to be the most unable to read, do basic math(add subtract multiply division) and speak english well? Guess what race has about sixty thousand of them suing the state because thier kid didn't graduate on time due to failing the test?

Um... the redneck race?

i do believe most the problems with our kids is the parents fault!

As an educator I agree 100%. Each and ever day I go to work I fight this battle. Just a few weeks ago I had three 7th grade students run away from school. I went out, found the students walking down a country road, brought them back to school, did a little fussing, and called their parents. The next morning 2 of the 3 sets of parents were back in my office, this time they wanted to bitch at me due to the fact that I told one of the students that if she were my daughter that I would bend her over my knee and spank her like her parents should have years ago.

On a side not, and for a bit of humor here is a true event that happened while I was in the classroom. Each year the 8th graders in the state of Tennessee are given a writing exam. The students, nor the teachers, have an idea of what the question will be until they broke the seal on the booklet. The question this one year was, "What is your favorite season and why?" I had one student to write that his favorite season was dear hunting season. 100% truth, not made up! Did I teach him to think like this . . .NO, so where did he get this mentality, it had to be taught at home.


[Edited on 27-12-2003 by Bushed]

Originally posted by Bushed

The question this one year was, "What is your favorite season and why?" I had one student to write that his favorite season was dear hunting season. 100% truth, not made up! Did I teach him to think like this . . .NO, so where did he get this mentality, it had to be taught at home.

How do you know that that wasn't just a very creative answer?

Originally posted by HowardRoark

How do you know that that wasn't just a very creative answer?

It is a very creative answer, however the same can be said for any of the questions and answers that are in the first post of this tread.

Originally posted by Bushed

Originally posted by HowardRoark

How do you know that that wasn't just a very creative answer?

It is a very creative answer, however I just don't think this was an answer that they had in mind when creating this question.

Originally posted by Bushed

Originally posted by Bushed

Originally posted by HowardRoark

How do you know that that wasn't just a very creative answer?

It is a very creative answer, however I just don't think this was an answer that they had in mind when creating this question.

well there you go, thinking! stop it.

they probably no particular answer in mind. the test is more than likely to test their ability to write, form sentences, paragraphs, etc than it is to get a specific answer. even if it was about the four seasons which one are they looking for? since you're thinking for them tell us which one you think they're looking for and why. what happens to the kids who dont pick that partiuclar season, do they fail?

my favorite season? football season, drag racing season. but i also like fall and spring as well as winter. there are many seasons and it doesnt clarify which ones....does it? open ended questions get greatly varied answers.

maybe they should ask more specific questions. or you should stop assuming they mean this that or the other thing when they may not mean anything at all!

It is a very creative answer, however I just don't think this was an answer that they had in mind when creating this question.

Err... that's usually the point and the reason the student does it. I'm almost positive there's not one student out there who doesnt get tired of giving the school the answer's they want to hear, and want to prove they actually have more of a brain then the school thinks. There for saying something like "Hey! You want the 4 seasons? Summer Winter Fall Spring? Here Ill give you extra, hunting, fishing ,swimming ,etc."