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Help: Picking Up Women For Dummies

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posted on Dec, 20 2006 @ 02:49 AM
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Alright, I have absolutely no idea how so many people are getting together. The only explanation I can think of is alcohol.

If I can spend a few minutes a day for a few days in the company of an attractive girl, my chances greatly increase. But most attractive girls I see are walking in the other direction and only pass by in 3 seconds, or are bringing me to my table at a restaurant for 5 seconds, or are several yards away in a crowded place with thier families, or are with a large intimidating flock of girl friends.

It must be possible to attract a woman in a short amount of time, seconds even, and someone here might know the secret code word or handshake that says "Hey, I wanna get in your pants eventually; can I spend alot of money on you, and in return get laid? Perhaps we can even see eachother long-term, based on a couple of seconds of introduction?"

?????? help please !!!!!!!

edit: Took out personal info because I want this info to help any guy. Besides pouring alcohol down their throats, how can a guy get a girl in under a minute?

[edit on 12/20/2006 by ViolatoR]




posted on Dec, 20 2006 @ 02:58 AM
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buy her a jagerbomb!




posted on Dec, 20 2006 @ 09:29 AM
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Well it all depends on how serious you want to be. For example, one night stands versus long term relationships.
It also depends on the types of girls your interested in, your standards, and social settings.

I'll break down a few 'universals'.

Make friends! Lot's of them. They don't have to be female.
The more friendly you are to them, the more friendly they will become toward you. You will be introduced to their friends. Become their friends. If you become friendly enough, they will introduce them to their friends. etc... Think of it as a cycle, just keep making friends.
Why?
The more friends you have, the more female acquaintances you will have. (to make your friends, or 'be' friendly with)
Also, the more friends you have, the more social events you will be invited to, allowing you to meet more people.

If your 'short on friends' at the moment, find a local setup. This may be a bar, pub, coffee shop, library, resturant etc... To save you disapointment, I will tell you right now. It will cost you money! Become a regular. Learn the names of the staff. I guarantee that you will meet people. After a while you will notice that there are other regulars who go there frequently. One day when you are comfortable enough, just go right on up and have a chat. More often than not, the 'regulars' will love the fact that a stranger noticed them enough to just come up and chat. Hey, don't be surprised if someone comes up and talks to you first!

Depending on the amount of time you have, enroll in classes. It doesn't matter what your age is, or what subject it is. There are always places and courses suited to your needs. You may want to enroll in several wine-tasting classes. It's a good way of meeting people.

Remember; first impressions are formed in the first six seconds (Yes, thats based on scientific evidence) of meeting someone, and tend to stick. So smile.

Despite what people may tell you, women don't like nice guys. In a relationship, that is.
Once you start talking to women (for more than a few minutes):
Be witty.
Be a smart-ass; even to her. But careful not to insult her.
Remember to make jokes at your own expense.
Be 'naughty.' Don't be shy about your sexuality, or hers.
Women like men who know what they want; and take it. Don't be selfish though.
Be outgoing and flirty.
Don't care too much. In other words, don't hang off her every word. Drift in and out of the conversation. Pretend that she's losing your interest.
Why? Think about it. It's not exclusive to women. Everyone wants that they can't have. Besides, It will make you seem more interesting, even if you are not.
Whether in a group, or just the two of you, you don't need to be the center of attention.
Whether in a group, or just the two of you, you don't need to let her be the center of attention.
Don't have a specific area of interest. It will only leave her bored. If you talk about it too much, you will bore her. If the conversation does not swing in your way, you will bore her.
Try to know a bit about everything, but don't rub it in.
Dress to impress. As I said before, this depends on your social settings.
On a personal note, I have found that a scruffy business look works miracles, regardless of social settings. But that just might be me.


Are you ready for the holy-grail?

You must reek confidence! If you have enough confidence, you won't be looking to pick up women. They will be looking to pick you up. People will stop their conversations to greet you when you arrive. People will pay attention when you speak.
When in a group, women who don't know you will wonder why people are so interested in you. As a result, ironically, they will become interested in you.




I dont know if any of that will help, but it all depends on so much.



posted on Dec, 20 2006 @ 02:38 PM
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Wow thanks alot, Gear. Lots of info there.

I dont usually like groups of friends 'cause of all the drama, but it is the best way for me to meet people.

Ill have to work on my reeking of confidence. After being shot down so many times, the confidence level starts to waver. Also I think I have a gypsy curse on me...

Anyways thanks for giving me somethings to think about as I go christmas shopping. I've decided to spike my hair instead of wearing a hat, first impressions and all.



posted on Dec, 26 2006 @ 07:24 AM
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Originally posted by ViolatoR
Wow thanks alot, Gear. Lots of info there.

No problem.


Originally posted by ViolatoR
I dont usually like groups of friends 'cause of all the drama, but it is the best way for me to meet people.

You can always join one of those dating sites I guess. Personally those things annoy the hell out of me. Not to mention uncomfortable. You can't 'get a feel' for the person your talking to. (Yes, the pun was intended)


Originally posted by ViolatoR
After being shot down so many times, the confidence level starts to waver.

Unfortuneately the only way to gain confidence is to be confident. Put yourself out there, even if you make a fool of yourself, use it as a stepping stone or learning point.




posted on Dec, 26 2006 @ 07:49 PM
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Well, all the things Gear said were OK, but I think this can be simplified a lot.

Remember this ONE THING: The guys who have the sheer GUTS to take the most REAL CHANCES and APPROACH the most women and make the most attempts to initiate real, serious flirting and foreplay, get the most success.

Based on what you said in your post, that is what you seem to be missing.

An attractive girl is coming down the street and you only have 3 seconds? "Hey sexy, where you goin?"

A waitress is showing you to your table and you only have 5 seconds? "So, when do you get off work? What are you doin later...?"

An attractive girl is standing around with a flock of girlfriends? Be the ONE GUY that has the GUTS to wander right into their midst, "hey ladies! what's goin on today?"

TAKE MORE RISKS!

And yes it's hard, especially if you're a more quiet or reserved type and you're not used to doing these kinds of things.... but what you'll find is, once you start really doing these things, and you find that AMAZING THINGS start to happen to you all the time as a result - then it becomes FUN and EXCITING and you'll want to do them MORE!



posted on Dec, 27 2006 @ 12:21 AM
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Gear gave you some great advice.


Violator, judging by your post, you and I basically have the same problem.

I will tell you mine and you tell me if you are in any way similar.

I am twenty nine years old. Yeah,I have had a girlfriend or two, but they have been few and far in between. My main problem is that I really don't approach anyone, and I, admittedly, am not the easiest person to approach. Most girls do not like a guy who cannot make eye contact with them, gets back to the "confidence" thing. I'll be honest, I have never been good at making eye contact. This is usually a killer when it comes to attracting females. They don't like it.

Girls may give me hints. You know the continuous glancing in my direction. The gentle push back of the hair. Et cetera. However,I don't seem to really pick up on the cues until it is way too late. :shk: I know, all of this sounds rather childish for a man approaching thirty years old, but it's the truth. I suck when it comes to knowing how to read a woman.

I suggest that you read what I just saiod I do, and DON'T DO IT!!

What DO DO

1. Make the eye contact
2. Approach the girl

What not to do

1. Don't look at the ground like some humble,meek guy. Girls do not like it.
2. Don't be stand offish. If your in a club, don't be the guy that walks up to the bar and buys a drink and the goes to the furthest table in the back and watches everyone else. Girls will think your a creepy,psychotic dude that has issues.

Take it from somebody who knows.

[edit on 27-12-2006 by SpeakerofTruth]

[edit on 27-12-2006 by SpeakerofTruth]

[edit on 27-12-2006 by SpeakerofTruth]



posted on Dec, 27 2006 @ 05:28 AM
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I have found that being myself, doing what is comfortable for me and not trying to go by some sort of script or rulebook has yielded some extremely positive results in the past.

I always ended up with a partner that was initially more compatible - sure, things happened down the road that ended the relationship but it was never that she found out I didn't actually have a closet full of the type of clothes I was wearing when I met her or that I am not really as outgoing as I forced myself to be that night.

I guess it all boils down to what sort of woman you're looking for - something to impress the guys or someone who will freeze her butt off on the back of your bike just because she likes to be with you, cold be damned.



posted on Dec, 30 2006 @ 02:45 AM
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Hey great to see more replies. I need major help here. Plus anyone with similar problems can benefit from this thread.


Originally posted by millerman
Based on what you said in your post, that is what you seem to be missing.

An attractive girl is coming down the street and you only have 3 seconds? "Hey sexy, where you goin?"

And yes it's hard, especially if you're a more quiet or reserved type and you're not used to doing these kinds of things....


Yes this is definetly whats missing. Every time I try to be spontanious my brain freezes and I end up stumbling and saying something stupid or non-sense. Or I dont say anything and I give an awkward smile and then walk away kicking myself. I really need to work on this. And I bet this is whats lacking in most guys repertoire.


Originally posted by SpeakerofTruth
Girls may give me hints. You know the continuous glancing in my direction. The gentle push back of the hair. Et cetera. However,I don't seem to really pick up on the cues until it is way too late.


Man, I feel your pain. I'm so shy, it's safer for me to assume that girls dont like me. However, it took a long time before I realized they did, and I was missing all the signals. I know I still miss or ignore most signals. Oh well.


Originally posted by H82CAGE
... but it was never that she found out I didn't actually have a closet full of the type of clothes I was wearing when I met her or that I am not really as outgoing as I forced myself to be that night.


You make a good point here. I would like her to like me for me, as corny as that sounds. But so far my ability to attract women has proven ineffective due to debilitating shyness and inability to know if someone likes me. Also having no friends hurts my chances. However, Im going to have to force myself to change my style out of necessity. Hopefully she will like the guy under the one nice outfit.

Anyways... I just dont know what to say! I guess its better to say something than nothing and miss an oppertunity. Im really shy and quiet and I hate strangers talking to me, so I assume everyone hates strangers talking to them - so I dont want to invade a girls personal space by telling her she's cute. How stupid am I!?

Im great in groups. But I dont make friends easily, or at all. So I need major work on my one-on-one game so to speak. Can anyone post an example of what they said/did to get a date with a stranger (not a friend-of-friend or co-worker)?

I think I might try to meet someone off of a free dating site. Problem is that most girls are gonna be at least an hour away. Plus I dont want to drive an hour to find out the picture on their profile is 5 years old and they're 50lbs heavier, or are psycho or something.

Well, New Years Eve is almost here, so I think I might hang out with my cousin who is and hour away. I usually meet someone when I'm with him. Hopefully he's going to a party or something. Wish me luck! And good luck to anyone else who is on the scene looking for Mrs. Right. (or Mrs. Right-Now


[edit on 12/30/2006 by ViolatoR]



posted on Dec, 30 2006 @ 12:51 PM
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Originally posted by ViolatoR
Yes this is definetly whats missing. Every time I try to be spontanious my brain freezes and I end up stumbling and saying something stupid or non-sense. Or I dont say anything and I give an awkward smile and then walk away kicking myself. I really need to work on this. And I bet this is whats lacking in most guys repertoire.


What you need to do is begin empowering yourself.

Start getting LOTS of physical activity and make sure you include weight training.

When you look fit and healthy and muscular, women WILL take notice, and they'll start talking amongst themselves, "Look at the muscles on that guy! And the way he moves.... he is HOT!!!". And yes, women DO do things like this, exactly the same way men talk in little groups, "Look at the T and A on that chick! She is HOT!!!"

And then the girls will start "turning up the heat" and trying to flag you down and get your attention.

And when you realize that girls like you and they're making effort for your attention and it starts to feel really good, then it becomes much easier to stand tall and look them in the eye and do what's needed...

mod edit: added quote tags
Quote Reference (review link)

[edit on 30-12-2006 by UK Wizard]



posted on Jan, 4 2007 @ 02:31 PM
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You must reek confidence! I


Gear is right confidence is the most important thing. Ever if you are ugly, act like your not. Make sure you take care of your appearence. Dress nice. Get some shoes not made in the States, make sure every thing is ironed, shave, get a nice hair cut. All these things help, you only make one first impression. Remember you want these same things for women too.

When approaching women try not to think to hard, say something that she would have to respond by not using yes or no answers. If you have to go ahead and lie. There is nothing wrong with a little lie to keep the conversation going. Use a lie to make yourself more interesting. Just make sure it is nothing that can burn you in the immiedate future.

Talk to all sorts of women. Could your dry cleaner, mail women, co-workers it doesn't matter. Being friendly (or flirty) to women in a non-sexual atmosphere will make you feel more comfortable when the time counts.

[edit on 4-1-2007 by testrat]



posted on Jan, 4 2007 @ 02:58 PM
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The bottom line is this, nine times out of ten, you will have to be the one to make the first move. Oh, yeah, there are some girls out there that will make the first move, but generally they are the "wild" type that you may not want to get involved with.

It is not in the female's nature to approach the guy. No matter how much times change, they still remain the same. It is pretty much the guy's responsibility to take the initiative and make the first move.



posted on Jan, 4 2007 @ 03:11 PM
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Originally posted by SpeakerofTruth

However,I don't seem to really pick up on the cues until it is way too late.


Been there, done that. More times than I care to remember.

Don't hesitate, don't wait.

If you do, it will be too late.

2 cents from an aging bachelor.



posted on Jan, 4 2007 @ 03:11 PM
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My two pieces of advice with women are

1. Do not try too hard
2. Have fun, have a life, and women will follow.

Women are turned off by men that try too hard. Forget all that nonsense you see in movies about the dorky guy winning over the beauty queen by buying her flowers, jewelry, and writing poems. Just be yourself, and ignore women. Women who feel ignored by a guy will try to get that guy's attention to validate their egos.

If you have fun and have a life, women will follow. Go out and enjoy yourself, make friends, and do the things you like to do. You can meet a lot of people, who may date you or set you up with dates, if you are just out and about having fun. If you go to a bar to pick up girls, you will not meet any girls. If you just go to a bar to have fun with friends, you will have more success.



posted on Jan, 4 2007 @ 03:17 PM
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Originally posted by hotpinkurinalmint
and ignore women. Women who feel ignored by a guy will try to get that guy's attention to validate their egos.



The only thing I have ever been successful in doing by using this approach, is pissing them off. Yeah, it may work with some of them, but the vast majority, no,no,no...



posted on Jan, 4 2007 @ 05:17 PM
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Originally posted by SpeakerofTruth
Gear gave you some great advice.


Violator, judging by your post, you and I basically have the same problem.

I will tell you mine and you tell me if you are in any way similar.

I am twenty nine years old. Yeah,I have had a girlfriend or two, but they have been few and far in between. My main problem is that I really don't approach anyone, and I, admittedly, am not the easiest person to approach. Most girls do not like a guy who cannot make eye contact with them, gets back to the "confidence" thing. I'll be honest, I have never been good at making eye contact. This is usually a killer when it comes to attracting females. They don't like it.

Girls may give me hints. You know the continuous glancing in my direction. The gentle push back of the hair. Et cetera. However,I don't seem to really pick up on the cues until it is way too late. :shk: I know, all of this sounds rather childish for a man approaching thirty years old, but it's the truth. I suck when it comes to knowing how to read a woman.

I suggest that you read what I just saiod I do, and DON'T DO IT!!

What DO DO

1. Make the eye contact
2. Approach the girl

What not to do

1. Don't look at the ground like some humble,meek guy. Girls do not like it.
2. Don't be stand offish. If your in a club, don't be the guy that walks up to the bar and buys a drink and the goes to the furthest table in the back and watches everyone else. Girls will think your a creepy,psychotic dude that has issues.

Take it from somebody who knows.

[edit on 27-12-2006 by SpeakerofTruth]

[edit on 27-12-2006 by SpeakerofTruth]

[edit on 27-12-2006 by SpeakerofTruth]

It might help if you didn't look like Jesus but that is only suggestion..
Is there any females on line who you really like, someone whose wit, interests and intelligence you like, are attracted too. Get to really know each other through U2U and then arrange to meet, if they don't live 1000 miles away off course.
No eye contact is nerves..Practice when you are out in stores..Look assistants straight in the eye, just for a moment.
Practice your flirting and personality online and your lack of eye contact daily with people who mean nothing..Build your confindence that way..
We could start a prompt thread for you..
I remind you of these everyday and you have to check in..Be truthful, only works if you are truthful..



posted on Jan, 5 2007 @ 01:43 AM
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Hey SpeakerofTruth, too bad you're in Texas. I just moved from Denton area back to So Cal. I could use a wingman here, to hit the bars/clubs with.



posted on Jan, 6 2007 @ 11:48 PM
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Originally posted by ViolatoR
Hey SpeakerofTruth, too bad you're in Texas. I just moved from Denton area back to So Cal. I could use a wingman here, to hit the bars/clubs with.



Ah yes, the wingman!

This can work well if you have a couple of guys who know what they're doing and know how to work as a team.... but it can also end up like "the blind leading the blind".

A few years ago I had a "wingman" who was hardcore into the picking up chicks thing. This guy told me he had approached, and I kid you not, about 1000 girls! Out of those 1000, he had got about 100 phone numbers, and out of those 100, he actually slept with..... *1 GIRL*! And get this - eventually we stopped hanging out because he said I didn't know what I was doing!

ROFLMAO!!!

I mean, I did a lot better than 1 in 1000 even back in the days when I was just another "nice guy"...

Anyway, Violator, I would forget about the "wingman" thing, at least for now. As I've said before, the absolute best thing you can do for yourself is to learn how to "fly solo" and be completely self-sufficient. Learn how to approach and meet people in all different kinds of situations - and then you don't have to be dependent on friends to introduce you to people, or random chance, or lavalife.com or whatever matching service....



posted on Jan, 7 2007 @ 04:27 PM
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Originally posted by SpeakerofTruth

Originally posted by hotpinkurinalmint
and ignore women. Women who feel ignored by a guy will try to get that guy's attention to validate their egos.



The only thing I have ever been successful in doing by using this approach, is pissing them off. Yeah, it may work with some of them, but the vast majority, no,no,no...


No one approach is going to win over every girl. There are some approaches that are guranteed to win you zero girls like staying in your house all the time. If you go out and about on any given day, and have an approach that wins over 1% of the women you come across, you are a very lucky guy.



posted on Jan, 8 2007 @ 11:10 AM
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hotpin, that is certainly true. Also, certain approaches do not work for some. Like I said, the whole "just ignore them" approach has never gotten me much but hateful glances and general disdain from a female. However,I suppose it may work for some. It just never has for me.



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