Searching for answers?

Wow, hello. Not that I can acutally find some answers, I think I'm electrifyied and terrified. I'm not sure who to trust or where to turn but I do know I'm not crazy now and thank you all so very, very much. Mrsdudara could you please advise me?

reply to post by mrsdudara

hello. i found my way to this thread yesterday and i'm hoping that someone can direct me. i'm not sure where to start to begin to compile the information at hand and who to believe and or trust. i'm so thankful to know i'm not crazy and at the same time, desperate to find the path that will lead to the answers. can someone please help me? can anyone explain what a guardian or a protector is? is there at 101 that i can study up on so that i am better equipped to face the task at hand?

Evening, it's been a while since I last posted my questions regarding this thread. I'm not quite as jittery, scared, crazy as I was then, however I'm still left wondering about quite a few things.

I've had a few dreams or rather nightmares lately which have left me a bit unsteady and my kids have thrown me a couple curve balls with their foresight as well.

I'm wondering if it's normal to feel scared still at times, scared about the endless coincedences that I've experienced and scared because my normal world (which is settling down a bit now) wasn't so normal for a while. I still wonder if I lost my mind for a bit or if I was awakened to something more for a period.

I'm hoping if anyone has more "lessons" to be shared, they could direct me in the right avenue. This world is a crazy place which makes me wonder if I wasn't crazy but rather sane and instead awakened to this reality. Any insight?

Originally posted by wlfbreeze71
I've had a few dreams or rather nightmares lately which have left me a bit unsteady and my kids have thrown me a couple curve balls with their foresight as well.

A child's "sight" is an amazing thing. Especially before the age of about 9. Watching them grow with it is just as amazing.

I'm wondering if it's normal to feel scared still at times, scared about the endless coincedences that I've experienced and scared because my normal world (which is settling down a bit now) wasn't so normal for a while. I still wonder if I lost my mind for a bit or if I was awakened to something more for a period.

You will be unsettled for a while. We tend to draw imaginary lines that contain us in our comfort zones. Once those lines are gone, you cant get them back. But, with time, you start to gain more understanding, and it becomes less unsettleing and more matter of fact.

As for loosing your mind for a bit, that is a-whole-nother ball game. Anything can erase those imaginary lines we draw. I guess when you get down to it, creating those lines in the first place is a bit dillusional.

This world is a crazy place which makes me wonder if I wasn't crazy but rather sane and instead awakened to this reality. Any insight?

flip a coin.

I find reassurance in questioning my sanity. An old friend of mine always said "If you think your are crazy, then you are just fine. Its the crazy ones who believe they are totaly sane and everyone else is crazy."

I had a very good friend who told me the same thing one time... that crazy people don't question themselves. I hold onto that now.

I wonder though, once our eyes begin to see, if those around me are really who I think they are. That's what really scares me - the idea that once I fully realize what's in front of me; isn't what I thought it was... creates huge trust issues.

Anyone else ever experienced strain in their personal life? Friends, family, significant others?

You say a child's sight is amazing... if that's the case then I wonder should I over-ride any logic and reasoning and rely on that knot of fear in my stomach because of comments from a child?

Way I figure it, whatever I'm experiencing in my life is a path that is leading me towards God. He will make it clear in the end, He reveals all things. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where I say to myself 'self, you're freaking crazy'.

Insight is always appreciated! Thanks!

Originally posted by wlfbreeze71

I wonder though, once our eyes begin to see, if those around me are really who I think they are. That's what really scares me - the idea that once I fully realize what's in front of me; isn't what I thought it was... creates huge trust issues.

I have very few people I would call friend. Other than the Father, I only trust one person, my husband, and my kids. I know my kids lie to me, about the typical, "yes i did my homework", "not me I didnt break that", but I can trust them in the way that counts.

So, yea, it creates issues.

I am a sociable person......except for when it counts. For instance, you wont find me in any church. When I need to speak to the Father, I go into the woods. At most events, you will find me with the children. Their innocence is blissfull.

You say a child's sight is amazing... if that's the case then I wonder should I over-ride any logic and reasoning and rely on that knot of fear in my stomach because of comments from a child?

Depends. Every situation is different. A couple of for instances.....one of my kids when he was about 3 would come back out 30 min. after we put him to bed every night and say there was a big Indian in his room. On the third day, we told him that maybe he should ask him what he wanted. He didnt tell us too much about the conversation other than he talked funny, but the Indian was never seen again. Here recently (age 9) he told his grandpa that he should really go see his sick uncle. His grandpa listened, and good thing. His Uncle died a few days later. He was able to be there, and give his much needed support. Other times, he swore there was a monster under his bed.....a few sprays from a water bottle (that had monster repellent in it hehe) and all was well.

So, it just depends on the situation.

All my life I've been far too trusting. And because of that, I've been hurt deeply. God is the only one I think I can trust. I'd like to think that I can trust my significant other and at times I sure wish he were my husband. That however is the area that at times I am most afraid to trust - due to my baggage and to this 'awakening', I am terrified that this man I love so dearly isn't really who I think he is... blame it on childhood trauma and to those lovely coicidences things. But things don't seem to add up at times, it's like he is aware of what I feel at times, in his way he too confirms what I think I experience at times (if you followed that one!).

Sometimes I think he too is 'aware' or 'awakened'. There's no converstation regarding his awareness though. That's the part that scares me, makes me doubt. Other times his kindness, sensitivity, words and healing presence make me so sure that even if he is aware and doesn't speak of it, his intentions are not to hurt me.

Late, I'm rambling and I must get to bed rather than psycho-analyze why I am the way I am.

Thank you for sharing with me. It helps.

mrsdudara

I register just so I may thank you

your lessons have clear some of my confusions.

I have a tons of questions.....is there another private way to contact you?

it seems one is not allowed to send U2U until after 20 post.

reply to post by ihavedysgraphia


ihavedysgraphia, welcome to ATS!!!

I am so glad I could help.

U2U's are about it, sometimes I yahooIM.

Honestly though, chances are, questions you have, are questions a lot of others have. By asking them here (no one knows who you are) and letting me help you, you could help others reading this thread.

I understand that asking questions on this subject is typically very personal, and putting those questions out there for others to read can be scarey. At times it can feel like you are standing naked in the middle of a croud.

You decide how you want to ask your questions. I will be here waiting to answer them, and I will not judge you on how you decide to ask. You can click on my profile, and leave a message there, and I think you can get my yahoo ID there as well.




I hope you enjoy ATS as much as I have.

I realized today a big oops on my part. How can you listen if you have not learned how to hear? This is by far the most important thing to learn. This is why children are more open. This is why most people can not hear a thing.

First thing you need to do is learn how to be quiet. How to be observant instead of constantly thinking. As soon as you learn how to be quiet, you will "hear" more than you ever imagined. I know that sounds like a big "duh" right? But I am serious, pay attention through out your day. How often are you really quiet, with out a thought? After you pay attention to that, you will notice how difficult it is to stop.

You can not hear a thing if your mind is constantly preoccupied. Listening is more than just hearing something. Its observing the whole. Pay attention not just to what you hear but what you see and how you feel. Another persons body language, their eyes. Pay attention to wildlife around you and how they act/react. Pay attention to every living thing. Even plants tell you a lot. Put yourself in their shoes, even if it is an animal, a plant or a rock. Imagine what it feels like. What you hear is only about 10% of what it takes to listen.

For a good two weeks, do not talk. At all. People only think you are a bit strange the first day. After that, they forget you are there. When you stop talking, it becomes easier to quiet that voice in your head. Concentrate on a repetive sound, your breathing, your heartbeat, a clock ticking. That helps quiet that voice. After that, just watch and listen to everything around you. If you hear your words popping back in your head, go back to listening to a repetive sound until you are quiet again. After you find that easy, then you can start working speech back into your daily life. BUT continue to try to quiet that voice down.

At some point in your day or eveing, write down what you have learned. Keep this down to once a day for 15 - 20 min. Notice how difficult it is for your pen to keep up with your thoughts. Summerize the thoughts you have, using as few words as you can.

After you can make your mind be quiet, you will be amazed at what all you learn. Honestly, you will never be able to experience a thing, truely, until you master this.

For me personally, even though I saw results with in the first day of being quiet, it took me a good year or two to really master this. It is like a muscle you dont realize you have. For the first couple of weeks, I was astounded at what I learned, but it didnt take long for me to realize this was going to be tougher than I thought. I still have to work at it. I forget, and my thoughts get loud. Then something happens to make me remember.

This is especially hard to do in your dreams. To sit back and watch your dreams, like you would a movie. To observe with out your own thoughts interupting that has been the most difficult. In dreams espeically, what you hear is only small fraction of what is actually there. To some it is worth it, to others it is not. Some realize life was a lot easier when they were ignorant. At times I think the same and work hard at having the loudest internal voice I can muster up.

I hope you try.

reply to post by mrsdudara


Hello and perfect info! 'Listening' is a topic that has come up in my life over the past week; what it means to listen. Thank you for the focus points as well.

Looking back it seemed so much easier, less scary, less intense being ignorant... and I think I'm also learning that trying to close out this reality isn't productive. But there are nights when I'm alone, that I sit and wonder how and why I found myself to be here, wishing in my confusion that someone would take it all away. And again I thank you for the listening lesson. A new journey I prepare to take. Again. It also makes sense why everything takes a while to understand.

If you have more to add later I would appreciate anything you have to share.