Um, this is a "Collaborative Writing" forum, but I've noticed people posting poetry, so I hope I'm not breaking any rules by posting song lyrics that I've written. Also, my song lyrics contain "profanity", so I will be putting an asterisk to replace letters in the cuss words, I hope this is not against any rules because the cuss words are a large part of my lyrics and help vocalize my emotions. I can already see myself being penalized for it somehow, but it's art, so mods please take that into consideration. If this is a problem a simple warning will prevent future attempts to post things with bleeped out cuss words.

Anyway, these lyrics I'm posting here are about when I lost my faith. A little background: I used to be extremely religious and I'm now an agnostic-atheist. I also utilized the philosophy that each individual is their own god. Anyway, no one's ever read my lyrics really, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated! (Yes, I could even you some critiques so I know how to better my writing.) Anyway, this is the song:



i lost myself in time
i tried like hell to find me
i looked in every place
but i couldnt find my face
i had a god who listened
but he never even existed
now i have no one else to follow
and i have nowhere else to go

i live in a world full of deities
each one says that my faithlessness's a tragedy
each one says that the other is a falacy
but i know the only god is me

i fear nobodys maker
i know not if im awake
i tried to follow prophets
but they were just so full of sh*t
i studied saint and scripture
practiced, preached, and posed for pictures
i burned the photographs
and now when i look back i laugh

i live in a world full of deities
each one says that my faithlessness's a tragedy
each one says that the other is a falacy
but i know the only god is me

i am free
i no longer slave away
in hopes that i will be okay
just to wait for the Judgement Day
when god will try and f*cking say
that just cause i lived how i wanted
i deserve to be tortured, taunted
live out eternity in hell
then just expect me to say "oh well"
no f*cking chance!

i wont give in to the people
i will sow and i will reap
ill live like a f*cking god
and ill do what i f*cking want
i dont care if i die a martyr
living a lie would be even harder
im gonna be myself if it kills me
dont you f*cking doubt i will

cause i live in a world full of deities
each one says that my faithlessness's a tragedy
each one says that the other is a falacy
but i know the only god is me

You wouldn't be a Jesus camp survivor, would you?

That # deserves rebellion.
Do you write music too?

Wow, I didn't think anybody would actually reply to this. Thanks for reading it! And no, I am not a Jesus Camp survivor. It's much, much worse: I'm an ex-Mormon.

I don't actually WRITE music, but I have the music for my songs in my head. I just need to collaborate with someone who writes music and get the melody out of my head and onto paper or onto an album.

[edit on 27/11/06 by an3rkist]

Honestly, an3rkist...those are well balanced lines. They have the ability to fall into a beat easily.

I'm not going to give you a 'warn' on the profanities, but I hope you can ease it just a little. If we were to allow a little, then where should we draw the line?

As I said in the other thread...the T&C's apply across all the boards.

Sorry. It won't happen again. I won't "ease it a little", I'll ease off of it one hundred percent! Thanks for your comment, though. I appreciate feedback!

Originally posted by an3rkist
cause i live in a world full of deities
each one says that my faithlessness's a tragedy
each one says that the other is a falacy
but i know the only god is me

I have been brought up in a very religious 'world' but never accepted the existence of some transcending being. This chorus speaks to me at a very personal level. If you have any other songs it'd be cool to read the lyrics. As a sidenote, Tupac Shakur was inspired by shakespearean poetry, leading him into his rap career towards alot of succes... basically songs are poetry put to 'music', and the better the poetry the better the songs, so theres no reason why lyrics you've written shouldn't be classed as poetry in their own right.

I hope you find some collaborators soon and keep us posted on where we would be able to find your music once it's recorded.

All the best,
byhiniur.

Edit: I just realised you've got many othe threads with lyrics in and I'm enjoying reading them alot. I really do hope you get these turned into songs as music and the skill of the singer convey much more meaning to the individual than reading the words off a page.

[edit on 14/12/06 by byhiniur]

Thank you very much for your feedback byhiniur! Posting my songs on here is really the first time I've ever let anyone read my lyrics, so I wasn't sure how other people would react.

As to when my songs will be recorded, I will definitely let you know if it ever happens, but I'm not sure it ever will. I definitely want a singer who understands my music and can convey the emotions that I felt when writing them. To me, my songs are just verbalised emotions, and if a singer can't convey the emotion then the song will just plain suck.

Also, I'm going to have trouble finding a singer and musicians who have the same philosophy as me, which is that music should be free. I don't want to sell my music, I want to share it. But it seems that most musicians won't "waste" their time unless there's some chance of monetary gain.

I really liked them, however, in the parts with specific identification (to what you are angry with) i would go with a different approach so as to leave maybe a metaphor of your anger. Basically, what im trying to say is rather than stating exactly what your emotions are, write them in a way that expressing the emotions but doesnt just straight out state what they are. I cant even think of an example right now lol, but you might understand what im getting at. If not, sorry to waste your time lol.
But, yeah i can see how these lyrics can be put into songs, very good, ill look for more some time!
-Vesu

P.S. What genre of music would you put this into? I sing (a little, i havent yet found my true voice but it gets better each day) and play a little guitar.

[edit on 8-1-2007 by Vesuvius 13]

Thanks for the advice. I think I know what you're saying, but I have trouble metaphorizing, (word?), my emotions. I have a lot of respect for songs that do that, but whenever I attempt it it comes out...cheesy. Lol. It's something I need to work on, though.

As for the genre of music, that's arguable. Haha. It's not a good idea for a musician to be variable in his/her genres of choice. It's better to have a specific, themed genre. That way, you have a target audience. That works against me because I have an extremely eclectic taste in music, and all the songs I write tend to be influenced by different genres. Some of my songs are country western driven, some are punk rock driven, some are in the more heavy rock/metal genre.

All of my songs are written with the idea in my mind that they'll be accompanied by both acoustic and electric guitar. I've owned four guitars before, but have never actually learned to even play, and now I've pawned them all off to fund my survival, (I gotta buy food...lol). The music is in my head, but I can't instrumentalize (word?) it because I don't play! I have to find a person who will work with me to get the music out of my head and into an intrument. Unfortunately, most people who I would collaborate with are genre specific, so they couldn't help me with more than a few songs each. I'm too busy trying to get a real job right now, though, so I haven't spent any time searching for such a person, nor will I for a while, I don't think.

Dude that is exactly the same with me!!!, except im learning guitar and i have two buddies who are already great with guitar. But yeah i get amazing tunes in my head. I also have an extremely eclectic choice of music. I extremely dislike country however lol sorry. Th music i want to focus on is metal, rock, experimental genre. Although i like punk rock and numerous other forms of rock. Im going for a sevendust/muse/30 seconds to mars/tool/He Is Legend goal. And almost 3 different genres right there.
I want to create a new sound involving all of these genres and sounds. I can't even tune my guitar properly without a tuner yet lol but ive already started finding tabs on my guitar just messing around. And im working on my singing voice, because that's one of my dreams, to sing. I can already hold notes well(after years and years of having to stretch my voice to get here) but my voice won't sound melodic, it's off-key, etc. But i pray i can make it. Im #in in love witt music. My backup plan is film(movies and acting specifically) But i would give my left nut to be able to sing well and make music in my life. lol
But yeah i think i know ur pain mann.