advice for MEN on how to treat women. this will enhance love for her, and you.

communication, first.

what experiences do i draw off of?
what is my background for saying i know love, and women?

i've served as an airforce firefigher since june of 1998, with multiple deployments to warzones. i have stood in rank with angelic faces, and have done battle in the darkest of places.

since 2000 i have had numerous female roomates who were exotic dancers in las vegas. i respected them, and their privacies. they had their own bedrooms, and their own bathrooms. i learned to listen to their wisdoms, as they know many things about men, due to their experiences. their jobs are more like a cheaper means of physcology, rather than something they should be ashamed of or guilty for. for the most part they help the men who frequent their facilities by assisting them to face the same fears that prevent them from walking up to them on the streets, or outside the clubs. for the most part the men who enter those establishments still do not know themselves well enough to have the courage to walk up to such a beautifull creature in the real world, so they take their sense of controll, and/or their wish for control with their money to the clubs. at any rate, these women do know men, and their minds. and to listen to their truths has aided me in understanding many reasons of why relationships fail.

prior to workig as a firefighter in the usaf, i spent nearly 10 years working closely with developmentally dissabled children. most of the children we cared for could not verbalize, so we learn to read their eyes.

A sure fire way to open her up, and to explore her true feelings, fears, and her most intimate thoughts:

but, remember, this is a two way street. you learn from her truths, and you teach her about your understandings of reality, ok guys? no need to hold back, don't judge her, and she will be more apt to not judge you.

openning communications

you know where you stand in your relationship. you know the boundries of how intimate she is prepared to be without feeling threatened.

be her servant. approach her as her slave, and the slave of her loves, but try to lead her to the love of her truth, so she may know herself. and when she knows herself, she will be far more capable of knowing you.

hand massages.

men:
don't be afraid to exhalt her. put her before yourself. take a subserviant approach, and look up to her and in her eyes.

as you are massaging the first hand, speak softly, speak gently, speak in a tone that is nowhere near controlling or prideful. eye contact is important, always. do not lie to her, speak only the truth of how you feel. but, when doing the first hand listen to her, ask her questions about her truth. but above all when you are doing the first hand, let her bitch and complain about anything she needs to get out of her. let her vent, she needs to, and you need to shutup and listen to her.

some steps in giving an effective hand massage, and why it is benificial:

it is benificial because you are stimulating the brain cells in her mind that are seldom used, due to being convinced that our hands nerves are not feeling as much as they used to. you are creating sensations of relaxation in her mind, and by listening to her words, and absorbing the truth of them, you are providing her a means to aid her in "defragging" her mind. and, if you so choose to be on your knees wearing little as you give her this hand massage, and do it lovingly, then she will be far more apt to learn how to do the same for you, and in the same fashion.

1) with constant eye contact (as much as possible) you begin by asking her a pertinant question about what ever concerns she has on her mind, you remain silent as possible while doing the first hand, and truly listen to her. with her palm facing the floor you put both hands on either side of her hand, with the thumbs on the back of her hand, and use your longest finger and pointy finger to apply pressure in the center of her palm. you squeeze gently, but as firmly as she can comfortably withstand. you slowly and smoothly pull outwards from the center to the left and right, stretching the meaty sides of the hand outwards from center. do this 3, 5, or 7 times, depending upon how stressed she is.

2) use your thumb and index finger to reach in as far as you can between each of her digits (fingers). moving them side to side (the thumb will be towards your right, and your finger towards the left, but crossing paths back and forth) as you pull softly, gently pinching softly the skin between each finger, digit, and thumb. use your other hand to gently support her lower forearm or wrist. and remember, she should still be talking, and you should still be listening, or asking her the right questions. do in between each digit the same amount of times you did the mass of her hand, back and palms.

3) use your fingernails to spirally scrape gently each finger, and thumb, starting at the base and moving towards the tip of her digits. it is still her time, you are still hearing her. she is still the boss at this time.

4) gently and softly, but as firmly as she can comforatbly tolerate, pinch the ends of her fingers each time you scrape your fingernails across each finger. pinch the ends and rub your fingers together each time you finish a digit, act as though you are trying to get dust, or sugar off your fingers by brushing it off onto the floor.

5) do the second hand the same way, but this time is your time to tell her how you feel you may have wronged her. why will she be more apt to listen to you now? look how relaxed she is. she likes equalibrium. she wants you to, and her cells want you to do the second hand as well. you have a portion of her mind on your side, so she will be more open minded, so long as you share your truth with her. tell her how you were thinking when you did something that upset her. tell her what your motivations were at the time. hate or fear should not be either of those motivations, but we know that sometimes they are. don't be afraid to be honest with her, she needs to hear it, and she often times knows you better than you know yourself. if she loves you, she can sense when you are lying, and even knows when you are lying to yourself. so, if you are close enough to her, shed a tear, share a truth. look into her eyes and tell her not what she wants to hear, but what she needs to hear, your truth!

this is a helpfull tool to get to know someone better, without trying a one night stand that could be a dissaster. this is learning to know someone first. this is learning to know what true sharing and true love can be, which transcends physicallity.

hope this helps, i try to explain as best as i can a method of openning up communications between members in a friendship, of other relationship. i chose to address men, because women already know alot of stuff, they usually have more intuition, and empathy. their cells were compatible with their mothers when they were in the womb. guys were more physical at the cellular level because we had to have a barrier up against the estrogen, which was incompatible with our survival. so, women, please don't blame us with what we had to start with, sorry.

hope you guys like this, it helps.

good advice if you want to be her best gay friend

Originally posted by born_to_be_wired
good advice if you want to be her best gay friend

better than being a closed minded man who's prejudices and judgments and prides and fears and hates stand in the way of you really knowing her!!!

which, is what she wants, not that you have experienced it yet, by the response you provided.

something against gays?

personnally i see two guys walking down the street i am not so afraid and scared to let it bother me. i see them walking down the street holding hands, and i think to myself there are two more guys in this world that i don't have to compete with. not that you would think that way with your current minds programming, i gather, but i may be mistaken.

as for thier choices to be that way, how can anyone be justified AND TRUTHFULLY speaking when they say it is a choice without first having to have made that choice themselves?

when someone tells me that their preference is a choice and they choose to live that way, it tells me that at one point in their life they have looked at a person of the same sex and said to themselves: "Maybe?". so, unless they have had to make the choice themselves, they can not say for sure that it was a choice for someone else, now can they?

i may get in a little hot water for this statement, but there is truth in it:

[Q]: What is wrong with women?

[A]: They listen too much to men!

[Q]: What wrong with men?

[A]: They think they know what the opposite of love is, and most of them say it is "hate". However: How can any man justify their hate without first being AFRAID of losing something they love? Men's pride keep them from their own truth most of the time, because they can not admit their own fears to themselves most of the time, but not all. and some are closer than others, just need a little help.

just some insight to some ways me and my friends look at the same problem.

I find that very large amounts of alcohol usually tend to enhance love for her and I.
I also find that a very good pair of sound blocking earplugs will also help. I can think about anything I want, and just smile and shake my head politely, and throw in the occassional "I couldn't agree more", or, "That's exactly what I was thinking".

Now if you can combine the two, everything is golden! Then in the morning, have her make you breakfast before you kick her out. As she's leaving say "Don't worry, I'll clean up the breakfast dishes myself!" Chicks dig that.


I'm kiding, I'm kidding! I just couldn't help myself!

I too have done battle in the darkest of crevices! Oh thy wars of fought! So sweet my pain of experience! Welcome fellow soul warrior!

Originally posted by Esoteric Teacher

better than being a closed minded man who's prejudices and judgments and prides and fears and hates stand in the way of you really knowing her!!!

which, is what she wants, not that you have experienced it yet, by the response you provided.

something against gays?

personnally i see two guys walking down the street i am not so afraid and scared to let it bother me. i see them walking down the street holding hands, and i think to myself there are two more guys in this world that i don't have to compete with. not that you would think that way with your current minds programming, i gather, but i may be mistaken.

well before you label me as a gay hater i just want to say i dont have anything against gays, i just dont like to be womans best gay friend, so that is what i was thinking when i wrote it

sadly you are mistaken.....a lot

Originally posted by born_to_be_wired

Originally posted by Esoteric Teacher

better than being a closed minded man who's prejudices and judgments and prides and fears and hates stand in the way of you really knowing her!!!

which, is what she wants, not that you have experienced it yet, by the response you provided.

something against gays?

personnally i see two guys walking down the street i am not so afraid and scared to let it bother me. i see them walking down the street holding hands, and i think to myself there are two more guys in this world that i don't have to compete with. not that you would think that way with your current minds programming, i gather, but i may be mistaken.

well before you label me as a gay hater i just want to say i dont have anything against gays, i just dont like to be womans best gay friend, so that is what i was thinking when i wrote it

sadly you are mistaken.....a lot

i'm not mistaken, as i did not call you a gay hater, nor did i imply it. i asked, as you brought the concept of gay up in the conversation. no offense intented on my part, just thought i would offer my stance on the issue, that's all.

when i said: " i see them walking down the street holding hands, and i think to myself there are two more guys in this world that i don't have to compete with. not that you would think that way with your current minds programming, i gather, but i may be mistaken."

i was only reffering to the point that perhaps you would not see the positive in two men walking down the street holding hands and think to yourself that there is two less people to compete with in the world for you and your mutual choice of a girlfriend. i was merely implying that perhaps you do not see any benefit in it for you when you see a gay couple. which in my veiw hurts no one, so long as the two are being honest with themselves and others about who they are, it is their choice to define what love is to them, instead of how others choose to define love for them.

When I see two men together It reminds me of pirates. Not Hollywood cliche pirates, but strong, unshaven pirates from the past and in my mind that is a positive. I don't see other men as competition, but as potential pirate friends. I am a voyager.

Originally posted by 69decepticons
When I see two men together It reminds me of pirates. Not Hollywood cliche pirates, but strong, unshaven pirates from the past and in my mind that is a positive. I don't see other men as competition, but as potential pirate friends. I am a voyager.

all potential friends can be friends dear voyager. just learn to acknowledge them, recognize them, accept them for who and what they are, and demonstrate in intentions, actions and behaviors that you can love the truth that they have to offer you. you may find that those potential friends are friends indeed, if both truths can find the compatibility of eachother, which is consistant with all the other truths they know to be truth.

Ahh, a point well made! Friendship can be more valuable then the nectar of Olympus and when consumed the strength of 1,000 Hercules we will harness! The Minotaur shall not smite me!

Originally posted by 69decepticons
Ahh, a point well made! Friendship can be more valuable then the nectar of Olympus and when consumed the strength of 1,000 Hercules we will harness! The Minotaur shall not smite me!

When you choose to be compliant with the truths of all those you meet, no one can smite you!

happy hunting.

I hunt alongside Pan, fife in hand, searching for the delicate sapling, to find, aquire, and bury deeply. The wet grasses tickle my backside as if angry eels weeping to be included in my furious caravan.

Originally posted by 69decepticons
I hunt alongside Pan, fife in hand, searching for the delicate sapling, to find, aquire, and bury deeply. The wet grasses tickle my backside as if angry eels weeping to be included in my furious caravan.

inhale hate, inhale rage, inhale anger, leave the vessels intact. and, do not succumb nor yield to the hate, rage, and anger you have inhaled, but do succumb to the unfortunate vessels that were burdened with a battle that was not theirs to undertake in the first place. pace, replace, and then lace to save face.

Originally posted by Esoteric Teacher
be her servant. approach her as her slave, and the slave of her loves, but try to lead her to the love of her truth, so she may know herself. and when she knows herself, she will be far more capable of knowing you.

Amazing...wait *the record skips*...what?

That will put you smack onto the friend list with NO chance of return.

What I don't get is this movement to turn guys in girls. It's huge. Watch daytime (American) television and tell me that every show is not about making men into women. It's like we need to learn to be more womanly, understand them, cry with them, give them hand massages, and maybe one day...we can knit all together.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm all for understanding women and being a gentleman. Holding doors, polite, loving, all that good stuff, but I'm a guy and not a woman. I don't want to bridge the gap and massage a hand and paint toes, just like she doesn't want to fix a truck and watch 14 hours straight of Vietnam war flicks.

We're different. That's the way it is.

The big conspiracy in the USA is that many men have been convinced (due to the high divorce and being raised by bitter single moms) that men are jerks. We need to be more feminine to have a relationship. They forgot though that most of those moms fell in love with the jerks. That's how it works!

And being a jerk is not really a jerk. It's just being a guy. That's how we're wired.

When women want a man in a movie, do they cast the hand massager who wants to connect to their inner soul? No, they cast rough and tumble Russell Crow, who wants to scoop them up and ride a harley into the sunset waving back at the hand massager saying "thanks friend for all the support..."

Alright, I had some fun with this post and inserted humor galore, but I think guys have other options in this world and I thought I would share.


Oh and if we're sharing the resume with women, I never lived with any women probing their innermost feelings. That's true. I was the guy they were out having sex with though when they got done sharing.

Now if I ran into a man that approached me with that kind of mooshy gooshy new age femininity I'd run the other way...in fact I DID.

This whole "understand you better" thing has gotten way outta hand...

I agree with the others.

The whole girly-man crap is really over rated and to be honest nauseating for me and I think realistically for most women in general....

LOL...I like men...not women...I wouldn't want to deal with a woman on an emotional/intimate level for all the money in the world...we're insane. So why OH why would I want a man who is likely more feminine and emotional than I am?

Like we all wanna be dating Tom Cruise clones or something...eeesh.

I can identify with connecting "spiritually" with a partner...but let's not go overboard

I too have once encountered a feminine man, ack! He boiled my bones. I say less connection, more sneers, and leave the massaging of palms to the imps!

I have seen the face of the one addicted to inhalants. He is a ghoulish lecher and deserves our pity, pathetic sightless worm; a zombie to behold. Beware the vapors for they contain the power few can tame!

Originally posted by ZeddicusZulZorander

And being a jerk is not really a jerk. It's just being a guy. That's how we're wired.

perhaps one day you will evaluate how it is you are wired. not that you think of your brain as a computer, but how earnestly have you ever tried to defrag your mind as though you would a computer?

i mean no offense, but all sensory input your mind collects first gets delivered to your subconscious mind which accounts for 99.999999997% of your thoughts.

the part most people are listening to is their conscious mind, or 0.000000002% of their brain.

ZeddicusZulZorander:

Why are you using my portrait as an avatar?

edit to add: a joke about the avatar. thanks for the input ZeddicusZulZorander.

however, i am serious about how people are ignoring reality, specifically language and how it subliminally influences actions and behaviors.


[edit on 6-11-2006 by Esoteric Teacher]

Originally posted by born_to_be_wired
good advice if you want to be her best gay friend

I agree, for god's sake... I didn't bother readin readin after hand massages in bold. Sheez...