Theory about Heaven and Hell, page 7

Originally posted by FreeMason
No, God communicates to Satan using the Emergency Washington-Moscow phone (for emergencies only)

And when they fight they do it in english pubs, where the protestant english wouldn't know that it was in fact Jesus fighting the devil, if it bit them in the ass.

And as for traveling through space, I actually saw them once with my telescope, they were riding these motocycles, they looked like harleys' but the wheels were made of fire and instead of exhaust it spewed a huge trail like a comet.

And I was at this brothel down the street, and I swear that the tunnel to heaven was behind the back currtain, I know it was I caught a glimps I'm sure I did.

And that's a cool webpage, especially the part that asks questions that not even devout religious nuts can answer...such as...

Why does god punish people just because they are born somewhere that's never heard of jesus? Why must they be born only to suffer eternal damnation?

Stuff like that....well I have the answer!

God IS Satan...he is a bi-polar psycho...creating one day, destroying the next.

God is messed up in the head because for infinity before creation, he sat around infinitely doing nothing and infinitely thinking nothing in the dark.

So one day he flipped, and created the universe, and now he is vengeful because he has wasted so much of his eternal life sitting around in a drug induced stooper.

That's why he has all those nuns...he wants everything we have, hence why somedays he wiggs out and becomes "satan" taking a trip to hell to whip those good souls who doubted his sanity. Then he flings the souls at already living people, possessing them to see what happens on his big screen tv. (another item the church handed to him, how you might ask? They crusified it and it ressurected to him)

He also doesn't accept gifts, he returned my fruit cake, I left it to him on the door step and a year later....It came back, and it was all rotten too...the least he could have done was kept it fresh.

And you have to watch out with the bible, for yes...IT IS THE WORD OF GOD...but it's hard to tell which god he is in what parts of the bible...I believe the old testament is his "satan" phase, and the new testament he's kinda mellow and all "yeah man...come to my heaven...it's groovy, and has booze"...but of course it is predicted that very soon he's going to be pissed off again by our "earthly booze and sex" and the fact he can't get any, cause if he can rot out my fruit cake imagine what happens to those nuns

And so comes revelations...revelations or...to reveal, is where the TRUE god is revealed to us, yes...the TRUE god. I say true because this is where he really wiggs out and becomes both of his personalities.

As Revelations ensues many angels will be bewildered as god insistantly punches his face and kicks his A$s while hurling fire and brimstone at an unsuspecting earth. Then at a moment when he's beaten down his Satan side...he'll ressurect us all as forgiveness for burying us in indominable ash. But as we are ascending to heaven he gets pissed that he has no more people to make him pornos and his satan side begins beating the crap out of his god side...and starts to throw meteors at the ascending souls...many will be knocked back to earth and they'll become the heathens living in a godless world, as god goes into a comatose psychotic episode, and retreats to a far corner of some black hole somewhere...

...This leaves the Angels to govern heaven in a somewhat democratic fasion, and after billions of years god's psychotic scar will fade from the universe, he'll go back to infinitely thinking and doing nothing in the darkness of a black hole, and we'll be free once more to simply live and be one with nature.

Ahh...I love happy endings...

Exhibit "A", in case you wanted proof of ignorance and lack of posting worth.