I'm not a regular on this board as far as posting is concerned, just look at my ATS points and when I joined heheh, but I felt that I needed to reply
to this post because I know alot about depression, the panic attacks that insue, and the thoughts of not wanting to live anymore. I've been told
I've had a hard life, but over the years, I've kept telling my self, "Mind over mater".
About 2 years ago I was engaged to someone who I thought I truly loved, only to have her blame me for her defects, and ditched me to go after someone
she had taken intrest in, my best friend and roomate at the time. And I learned that you can't trust many people anymore, even those you've known
for 8+ years.
It must be hard living on your own, I still live at my mom and stepdad at age 22, only because they need the financial help and I wouldn't make it on
my own with the limited job experiance, lack of a highschool degree or GED, and no car, licence, or insurance.
After I broke up with this girl 2 years ago, I had the sense of being empty, even before I met her I had that same feeling. I was always sure that I
needed to be with someone in order to be happy. But over time, I've learned that you only really need your self in order to be whole, no one around
to tell you how to live, what to buy, or nagging you to pick up something they want at the store. I've always told my self, I won't kill my self
because others expect more from me, I kept telling my self that I'm better and stronger then that, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary
I know how it feels to be lost, I still am as far as I'm concerned. Have always thought that my best just wasn't good enough which in turn, gave me
low self esteem which in turn, turned into depression=hating life=wanting to end it all. However, I found a job at KFC. I found that I was the top
pick in the interviews that were given to about 10 other people, and was praised for having a positive attitude and a good head on my sholders. But
what really helped me, was being around others and learning about how hard they had it, being able to exchange stories, and just in general, meeting
new people. I don't know what it was but, it really helped me in knowing that I was needed even though I still suck at taking orders and am real slow
in serving. There have been a few times where I was doing so poorly that I froze and started to have a panic attack, but every time I've been able to
use that mind over mater to continue on and regain my focus.
Everyone has their own ways of coping with stress and finding the will to go on, every day. My best sugestion is to find something that you like to do
in your own home, or outside if you prefer. Do it every time you feel that you just need to get away from your own thoughts, I find video games are
very helpful in this. If you ever become afraid of recessing back into your depression, just think of all the progress you've made, even if it's
little progress, you're still a better off then you were before. You will meet alot of people in your life, and there will be times that you envy,
times that you loathe, times that you pitty, and maby times that you fall in love. Always try to better your self, remember mind over matter, and
remember those who are worse off then you are. I sware, some people's purpose in life is only to serve as a warning to others, and I think about
those people and am thankful for what I have, who I am. And that has made it easier to tackle my responsibilities.
So you're moving to Denver?
I live here in Aurora, which is a few miles south east of Denver. Good luck on getting a breath of fresh air, air
is kinda thin up here heheh.
[edit on 30-11-2006 by Slash]