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I'm tired of the 3 word story: How about everyone writes a whole sentence story?

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posted on Dec, 1 2006 @ 12:45 PM
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Thats right ladies and men, you need this pill, you need to take lots of these pills.
Why? cause I said so, thats why.
This pill will improve your social standing, get invited to parties where people take their clothes off, get invited out to dinner and a movie, be loved by most animals, be able to make art, smell better, throw away your glasses or contacts, get a visa card, don't get sick near as often, never step in gum again, have instant judo, pick winners at the track, lotto, the casino, everywhere, enjoy smoking once again, get cured of that nasty habit of cleaning your ears in public with your car keys, fear no man, sleep like a baby, make lots of money with out doing a damn thing, go to the front of the line no matter where you are, feel good about your body, increase your IQ .5 points [results may vary], cook Texas chili like a pro.

And this is just the beginning...........next hour Ill tell you where you can order this amazing product.

Now back to our reguarly scheduled drivvil and propaganda.




posted on Dec, 2 2006 @ 09:20 AM
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Let's not forget about those side affects though. Doctors have said you may experience diarrea, oily discharge, heart attacks, strokes, worms, fungus, gangreen, leprocy, sexual side affects. People on heroin should consult with their physician before taking this medication. Side affects are unusual and only affect 50% of the users of this wonderful prorduct. Act now and we'll send you a life long supply of Spam!!

If you can't afford this medication, AstroZenica may be able to help........



posted on Dec, 4 2006 @ 02:59 AM
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Do you feel that you have a special calling in your life? Are you tired of your planet being kicked around? Do cattle mutilations make you sick? Would you like to see every alien grey on this planet gone? Well wait no more! There is a solution! Call now for your free video and supersoaker 3000.

I am ConstantlyWondering and I approved this message.


Ex

posted on Dec, 4 2006 @ 03:26 AM
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LOL.........

and I lost track of the story line.....

GEEZZZZZZZZZZ
Can i take these stilettos off yet, George???



posted on Dec, 4 2006 @ 06:52 AM
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This program has been brought to you by the makers of the "Supersoaker 3000". And now back to the show..........



posted on Dec, 4 2006 @ 01:19 PM
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Put your hands together, give it up, for the Champain Lady......... Bubbles..........
How bout a song Champain Lady....

Thank you, Thank You......... Key of Aflat miesto.........

Those little dogs out walkin in th yard
some are brown and some are yellow
sometimes they squat down in the yard
and make little messes that need to be
cleaned up by the Round headed boy

Chorus

Get some rubber gloves and a plastic sack
get some gloves and a sack
don't touch that stuff
you don't know where its been


Refrain

Yes we do, it's been in the little dogs innards
it used to be pizza and cookies
now we don't want to touch it
and don't get any on your clothes

2nd verse

Watch the critters jump an play now
They are as happy as can be
now that they are a pound lighter
they can jump high
they can jump high
happy, happy, happy

Thank you Bubbles! That song almost brought a tear to my eye.......

Les't take a brief time out now.........a word from our sponsers....those pills, those water wepons and those flavored lime green rubber thingies.



[edit on 4-12-2006 by whaaa]



posted on Dec, 6 2006 @ 12:39 AM
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So, are you depressed? flaky skin, nearsighted, hemorouds, aerogant, silly, sticky between your legs, itchy in unmentionable places, Then don't dispair; your produck
has just been released for consumption by those with that know what you need.

We know that it seems so hopless at times; that you are about to give up and say, "take me lord" I just can't stand the pain of living like this.

Medical Doctors have been working long and hard on this product and now for a small "love offering" of your imortal soul, we can deliver you from the pain, discomfort, and out right sin that must be driving you to dispair.

Put your hand on top of your monitor and pray with me....
Oh heavenly data base, I place myself in thy hands, I am powerless over my
own emotions and lusts. I need your direction, grace and food cupons so that the next time I go to the store I can pass by the chips, cookies, and fatty things and become more in tune with your vision of who you want me to be.

Bless me, and take me unto your bossom, so that I may make you proud
so that you won't banish me to Taco Bell or Wendys or Burger King. Im tired of
being a fat person and the thing that would make me complete would be to be in
your grace so that I could look attractive and maybe be able to wear a bikini someday.

Amen



posted on Dec, 6 2006 @ 05:02 PM
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Hello frrriends. I need to take a moment from your TV viewing to discuss something that has become very important in YOUR life. And that frrriends is protection.

Now...in the 60's and 70's it was peace, love, make love not war, free love, etc. People were doing it with just about everyone...even telephone poles and fire hydrants got their share of action. But then, in the 80's we got not only President Reagan, but frrrriends, we also got the AIDS. That's right frrrriends...the AIDS.

Now...today we have something to combat the AIDS and that my firrrriends is what we here at Johnson & Johnson like to call the "flavored lime green rubber thingy." Now...there are some bad words associated with this here deal...some people call them condoms or profilactives. Those words just don't sound frrrriendly....and calling it a "raincoat" or a "rubber," well, that's just confusing.

So, here at Johnson & Johnson, we care about your johnson. So use the flavored lime green rubber thingy and be safe.

*May not work if flavored lime green rubber thingy is old or full of holes. More than likely will not protect against bugs or herpes. If a rash occurs, don't stop using the product, just ignore the rash. Some shrinkage of the johnson may occur and in some cases is not permanant. If pain occurs while urinating, try holding it for a while and attempt urinating later. Each flavored lime green rubber thingy can be used more than once, but we suggest not attempting to use the same one more than ten times. If you experience some numbness, it probably will not go away. Once used, do not share your flavored lime green rubber thingies with others unless you want to. And by no means should you consult your physician for any reason regarding this product.*

Thank you for your time frrrrriends, and remember, Johnson & Johnson cares about your johnson.


[edit on 6-12-2006 by Excitable_Boy]



posted on Dec, 6 2006 @ 05:51 PM
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Well...I have to say it was great hearing from our sponsors wasn't it everyone? And you have to love the great music being played by our band, led by the tremendously talented Whaaa!

*audience claps and cheers*

Okay then....now, next on the show we have ourselves an interesting character. He calls himself Constantly Wondering and he is on what he calls a "Mission from Jesus" to rid the world of alien greys. Many people believe he is on something else. *a few laughs from the audience* Everyone please put your hands together for Mr. Constantly Wondering!

*audience claps, a few whistles...a boo or two can be heard*

EB: Well, Constantly.....can I call you Constantly? Do you go by a shorter name?
CW: Call me by my Jesus-given name if you don't mind sir
EB: Certainly then Mr. Wondering....now when did you first start your mission for Jesus to rid the world of this supposed alien grey problem?? *some laughter from the audience*


Ex

posted on Dec, 8 2006 @ 02:50 PM
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cw:
Well, I know this is going to be hard to believe.
One night I was on my way home from my job at Johnson & Johnson's'
new condom plant,
They make us work insane hours because of the testing of their product
and the test subjects. I'll explain them later.
Anyway, I am alone in my car driving down route#70 and all of a sudden
my car just goes dead.
( enthralled audience.......
are leaning forward in their seats.....they could be drunk
but thats another story)



posted on Dec, 9 2006 @ 10:23 PM
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cw: Then a bright light showed with loud trumpets. Jesus desended from heaven and sat down in the passenger seat of my car! He had a very concerned look on his face. He said,"Child, everyday of your life has lead to this moment. You must go forth now and repent then kill alien greys for my glory." Needless to say I have been faithful to my new calling. I have recruited people all over the world for the Godly task.



posted on Dec, 10 2006 @ 07:50 AM
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EB: Well Constantly Wondering that is quite a story. *some chuckles from the audience* How many people do you have that have joined your cause? What I'm asking is, how many members are there in your little cult?


Ex

posted on Dec, 10 2006 @ 10:06 AM
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CW:
Well, it seems I was not the only one contacted that night!
The call to arms was givin to more than Three Million
at the exact same time as I was .

EW: THREE MILLION!!!!??

CW:Yes, Three million, and they are from every walk of life.
From the very wealthy to the homeless man on the street.
Every religion , color, and country.
God is preparing his army .



posted on Dec, 10 2006 @ 01:35 PM
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EB: Whaaa...take us to commercial with some of that fine Blues.......We'll be right back after we pay some bills......

Commercial:

Honey...my bum is really itchy and I wiped good, so what's the deal?

Well darling, you might be suffering from Itchy Anus Syndrome. Millions of Americans suffer from IAS every day. But the fine people at AstroZeneca have made it so you no longer have to suffer. You don't have to feel the shame of always thinking you didn't wipe properly and wonder if your butt smells. Safanus sounds like the product for you dear!

That's fantastic. How do I get me some of that stuff?

Well dear, Safanus is only available by prescription, so you'll have to talk to your doctor.

Well...I'll call Doctor Dundah right now. I'm sick of my itchy butt.

*Safanus is not for everyone and not all itchy anuses are a sign of IAS. Make sure you tell your doctor about other medications you are taking, both prescription and recreational. Do not use on itchy genitalia or if you are pregnant. Side affects are generally not mild and may include: oily discharge, rock hard stools that are quite painful to pass but hardly require any wiping, wet farts, stroke, kidney failure, brain damage, death, psyzophrenia, hallucinations, homicidal thoughts and blindness. Call your doctor immediately if your intestines start to fall out of your anus.*

If you cannot afford this medication, AstroZeneca may be able to help.

[edit on 10-12-2006 by Excitable_Boy]



posted on Dec, 12 2006 @ 12:56 AM
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Thanks E_B for that timely message.
And now back to the musical portion of our program...
Tonite we have a special guest direct from our sister station in Lubbock
to sing some of that great country and western that the Lone Star State is
famous for.
Here she is the cowpie Queen herself.....Miss Molly Udder
The audience roars as Miss Molly takes the stage..........
Miss Molly...what are you gonna sing for us tonite?
Well whaaa, Id like to sing a little song my Grandpa taught me as I sat on his lap when I was just a tyke.
Miss Molly picks up her Gibson hummingbird and begins to sing.....

Here comes uncle virgil and cousin jeb
Their overhalls got stains in the strangest places
Why do the sheep follow them around
Why do the little sheep follow them around

refrain

Were just country boys and we love our livestock
They make us happy as can be
Somestimes we butcher them and eatem
sometimes they run from us
cause they see the glint in our eyes
cause they see the glint in our eyes

next verse

Baa Baa here little sheepie
Baa Baa here you cute little thang
Uncle Virgil loves your wooly places
and wants to pat your wooly faces
Look I got my wellingtons on

last verse

Hay grandma is that cornpone we smell
I think Id like to put some strawberry jam on some
Can I take a nap now
A nap would sure feel good now
It's hard work chaseing the sheep around



The audience rises to it feet as one and claps, and cheers and whistles
their approval.

whaaa.........."Now thats Country Molly Udders, thats Country"



posted on Dec, 12 2006 @ 01:28 AM
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This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends.



posted on Dec, 13 2006 @ 04:40 PM
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You sure are right...that was some fine country music Ms. Udders!! Our next guests are a fine young couple from Massachusetts. They are two fine young gentlemen that just got married: Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald. They'll be right out, but first a word from our sponsors....



posted on Dec, 13 2006 @ 05:33 PM
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I love those two names together!



posted on Dec, 14 2006 @ 05:39 PM
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Right then...back from commercial are we? Fantastic....now my next guests are two gay Irishmen from Massachusetts and they are going to do their version of the Cheese Shop sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus......Please everyone give a warm welcome to Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick!! *audience claps and some loud booing can be heard*

Hello everyone. And now, for something comepletely different, the Cheese Shop sketch from Monty Python:

Customer: Good Morning.
Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?
C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now,
skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
O: Peckish, sir?
C: Esuriant.
O: Eh?
C: 'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike!
O: Ah, hungry!
C: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do
the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and
infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy
comestibles!
O: Come again?
C: I want to buy some cheese.
O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!
C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the
Terpsichorean muse!
O: Sorry?
C: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!
O: So he can go on playing, can he?
C: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.
O: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
C: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.
O: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.
C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
O: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it
fresh on Monday.
C: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if
you please.
O: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this
morning.
C: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?
O: Sorry, sir.
C: Red Windsor?
O: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
C: Ah. Stilton?
O: Sorry.
C: Ementhal? Gruyere?
O: No.
C: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.
O: No.
C: Lipta?
O: No.
C: Lancashire?
O: No.
C: White Stilton?
O: No.
C: Danish Brew?
O: No.
C: Double Goucester?
O: No.
C: Cheshire?
O: No.
C: Dorset Bluveny?
O: No.
C: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier
de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?
O: No.
C: Camenbert, perhaps?
O: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.
C: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
O: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...
C: Oh, I like it runny.
O: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.
C: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
O: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
C: I don't care how excremently runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
O: Oooooooooohhh........!
C: What now?
O: The cat's eaten it.
C: Has he.
O: She, sir.
(pause)
C: Gouda?
O: No.
C: Edam?
O: No.
C: Case Ness?
O: No.
C: Smoked Austrian?
O: No.
C: Japanese Sage Darby?
O: No, sir.
C: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?
O: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got--
C: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
O: Fair enough.
C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
O: Yes?
C: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
O: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir.
Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.

(pause)

C: Greek Feta?
O: Uh, not as such.
C: Uuh, Gorgonzola?
O: no
C: Parmesan,
O: no
C: Mozarella,
O: no
C: Paper Cramer,
O: no
C: Danish Bimbo,
O: no
C: Czech sheep's milk,
O: no
C: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
O: Not *today*, sir, no.
(pause)
C: Aah, how about Cheddar?
O: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
C: Not much ca--It's the single most popular cheese in the world!
O: Not 'round here, sir.
C: and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?
O: 'Illchester, sir.
C: IS it.
O: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
C: Is it.
O: It's our number one best seller, sir!
C: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?
O: Right, sir.
C: All right. Okay.
'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
O: I'll have a look, sir...
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
C: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
O: Finest in the district!
C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
O: Well, it's so clean, sir!
C: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....
O: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.
C: Would it be worth it?
O: Could be....
C: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!
O: Told you sir....
C: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?
O: No.
C: Figures.
Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have
posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
O: Yessir?
C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.
O: Yes,sir.
C: Really?
(pause)
O: No. Not really, sir.
C: You haven't.
O: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
C: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
O: Right-0, sir.

The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.

C: What a *senseless* waste of human life.






[edit on 14-12-2006 by Excitable_Boy]



posted on Mar, 2 2007 @ 02:43 PM
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Can I help you enjoy that snickers? Dancing peanuts sore over mountain tops of chocolate and waterfalls of caramel. Prancing nugget in the meadow sings a song of satisfaction to the world.



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