From the blue

You came from the blue

I didn’t see it coming

You toppled my world

Awakened my life

How could it be with such distance

You swept me along

Seems you did it in an instance

Feels like I have known you always

You have been waiting here in my heart

Are you my true love?

Only time will tell


Signed, LGM

I havnt written a poem in over 25 years, or even read any since then. How was it?

It was an interesting love song, LMG.

I say love song because that is what I felt it should be when I read it. The only thing missing was the beat. The cadence of the piece went like this (going by syllable counts)...

5-7-5-6-8-5-8-8-9-5-4

If you wanted to revamp it so that the cadence finds a beat, I'd suggest doing this;

You came from the blue 6
but I didn't see it coming 8
You then toppled my world 6
Awakening me to my life 8
How could this be with such distance 8

You have swept me along 6
Seems you did it in an instant 8
Like I've known you always 6
waiting here within my heart 8
Time will tell my true love to me 8

I've also broken it up into two parts of 5 instead of 1 poem of 11 lines.

Now, if you weren't too interested in cadence and were more concerned with 'flow',
I'd suggest something like this for the same poem;

I didn't see you coming
Out of the blue
Toppling my world
Awakening my life
Sweeping me along in an instant
In the flood that seemed so distant
Here in my heart
my true love
always having known you.
Were you waiting?

I dropped the 'time will tell', as you noticed, because I felt it didn't matter. You were no longer talking to your love and were instead talking to either a third party or yourself.

Hope you don't mind me playing with it a bit...

Originally posted by masqua
It was an interesting love song, LMG.

Very nice, I used to play guitar in some garage bands and that is where my poetry training came from.

I dropped the 'time will tell', as you noticed, because I felt it didn't matter. You were no longer talking to your love and were instead talking to either a third party or yourself.

Hope you don't mind me playing with it a bit...

I didnt mind at all, it was pure inspiration without formal training. You gave it the structure. Nice work my friend, thank you.



[edit on 28-10-2006 by LoneGunMan]

Originally posted by LoneGunMan
The inspiration for the poem is a member of ATS.

Oh, my...well, then... doing a good job on the poem is triply-important



I'd be more than happy to assist you in 'fine-tuning' this poem, since it is for such a worthy cause.

If you want to, that is...

As an aside, I used to be lead singer for a band (totally unknown...we called ourselves Buster Hyman and the Penetrators, so it's no wonder) and have a love for lyrics which borders on fanatical. It'd give me a 'measure of pleasure' (like that line?) to work on this poem or any other you'd like to work on.

The band

[edit on 023131p://upSaturday by masqua]

Not at all friend.


Please check your u2u this is off topic message I sent but feel it is important before WOS reads it in the Get Well WOS thread.

[edit on 28-10-2006 by LoneGunMan]

That looks like it was an awsome band. Do you still sing and have access to recording equipment? The sweet lady in question loves Pink Floyd by the way.

Edit to say: By the way that name for the band is a hoot!

[edit on 28-10-2006 by LoneGunMan]

The band is still going, LGM. In fact, they're trying very hard to become a Pink Floyd clone band and do covers. I still go to the occasional practice just for the halibut.

I prefer to join in when they're not trying too hard to do Floyd and just jamming for fun and entertainment. My material usually consists of different themes I've written before and then I 'wing' the words into the melody.

My biggest claim to fame was a tribute to the B52 (not the band, the BUFF) during the Viet Nam conflict.

"Bombing hills into valleys and valleys into hills"

Another piece which has been saved for an eventual release is the song 'Azariah', which was captured on a fairly cool sound track with me playing drums. Ya never know...I could someday be famous.

(not holding my breath, though)

The practices are still happening in the same place, but the pics on the site are like 10 years ago and the spot is now a full-fledged recording studio.

BTW...the lead guitarist, Dr Floyd, is also an amazing amateur astronomer who has made a bit of a name for himself. A little scan through the website provides some excellent pics he took as well as the observatory he built on his roof (which is now enlarged and upgraded.

I love the "Big ugly fat fellow" its staring role in the movie Dr. Strangelove was great. If you know the movie, do you remember that part where Goerge C. Scott gets carried away with how low she comes in under radar to nuke the Soviets, while they all are looking at him aghast. For some reason you reminded me of that movie talking about the BUFF.

Astronomy and rock and roll by Dr. Floyd! heheh that is funny stuff.

Speaking of bands, my ears used to ring for days after the boys and I would jam. How about you did you always have the "Marshalls" turned up just a tad too loud? heheh I used to play Strat and tried to sound like Jimi Hendrix, but ended up sounding too much like him when he dropped too much acid. lol We sure had fun though. Writing lyrics and tunes, dreaming of going big time, impressing the girls, and of course getting th cops called on us everyday for being too loud!

Good times...

[edit on 29-10-2006 by interestedalways]

[edit on 29-10-2006 by interestedalways]

This song has potential to warm a girls heart and the courage Lonegunman has shown to post for all to see surely must impress one to as to his sincerety.

[edit on 29-10-2006 by interestedalways]

Thank you for saying such a nice thing interested.

You read my mind, it did take courage! It surprised the hell out of me too. Sometimes you have to roll the dice, and take a chance in life if you are to find you dream. Mine resides somewhere southwest of me.