No offence taken jen!
She is actually going into hospital next month to have a procedure
on her private area (excuse the phrasing) so she does actually have a comeback when it comes to my suspicions about her having an affair but I still
think she could be trying to be with this guy.
She is tough, she is very clever and we know each other inside out.
Right now she is still testing me by continuing to take calls in private from this guy
then returning and saying nothing.
Its so confusing for me, I ask myself, is she just trying to provoke a reaction from me so she can make me feel even worse? Or is she just being
blatant because she knows if i try to challenge her about it she can open fire at me on not trusting her again? etc etc.
The trouble with moving on is I get myself all fired up to go in to work and change my attitude and get tough but then i see her and revert to my old
ways, today she said whats up? because she saw I was down, if i said 'well you're still calling that guy in private' she'd say thats none of your
business and we've been through this already.So I just said nothing,
The way I see it I'd rather I just saw her kissing this guy or something blatant like that where I can just say, hey, I was right, goodbye or b) she
just comes to me and says look, I cant see us being together again so lets bring this to an end now, both would break my heart but at least I'd know,
instead Im caught in this no mans land where we're 'best mates' and work with each other everyday and chat outside work at times but we cant be
close and the possibility of even kissing her seems a million miles away, thats what kills me most of all. I hate to sound like a broken record, I
know Im stubborn to accept the truth but anyone thats been through anything similiar can empathise im sure.
Who invented damn relationships anyway? (Thats a rhetorical !)
Thanks again for your and everyones advice.
I just wish I could fast forward six months right now and see where we are then.
Im either being incredibly naive about whats going on or else just incredibly stupid, maybe both, I should be blaming her and moving on but I think
unless I see some undeniable proof the game will continue. Life sucks at times doesnt it.
By the way I hope Im not coming across as a selfish guy, I know theres far more important things going on in the world, if any of you guys need advice
on anything feel free to post or U2U me, although whether you'd want advice from me is another matter!
[edit on 16-10-2006 by pmexplorer]