Dr Love of 'Ebert and Love' reviews 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (serious spoilage)

It sucked........all except for the smokin' hot brunette. This movie is so full of "give me a break" that I damn near went postal.

First problem, they hit a freakin' cow which miraculously appears in the middle of the road and the open air Jeep that these four unbuckled people are driving in flips like four times only ejecting the brunette hottie to safety, much to my relief. The other three are still alive with a few cuts and bruises.........yeah whatever.

Second problem, the Vietnam vet gets free of his shackles and takes on R. Lee Ermey one on one. He puts RLE's shotgun barrel up to his head asking RLE to kill him but RLE won't pull the trigger, instead saying "I'm not done with you yet". So why doest the Vietnam dude at that point stomp the crap out of RLE? I'll tell you why damnit, because the Vietnam dude's idiot brother who is running away from the shotgun carrying RLE steps into a well placed bear trap and starts yelping causing his Vietnam dude brother to turn away from RLE to see what happened thus allowing RLE to knock out the Vietnam dude with the butt of his shotgun.:shk::w:

Third problem, the biker that the brunette hottie gets to help her checks his revolver twice before entering the house, but lo and behold he runs out of bullets after only two shots. Who walks into a house of freaks who killed your biker friend with two bullets in your revolver????:bash: Of course on the third shot the gun goes click allowing Leatherface and RLE to pin him down for some chainsaw shenanigans.

Fourth problem, Leatherface is carrying the brunette hottie away from the dinner table over his shoulder and with one karate chop to Leatherface's back causes him so much anguish that he drops her and allows her to get away. BTW, Leatherface was a huge beast. This didn't cause me too much grief because she was hot.

Fifth and final problem, at the end when the hottie is driving towards the DPS officer with Leatherface in her back seat, Leatherface's chainsaw starts immediately, where in the whole rest of the flick it took him about three pulls to get that bad boy started. How convenient!! Well old Leatherface kills the hottie, which really sucked, causing her to drive into and kill said DPS officer and the person he had pulled over, leaving only Leatherface and his truty friend as the only survivors of the gruesome accident.

This movie should be for pissing me off.

Peace

[edit on 9-10-2006 by Dr Love]

[edit on 9-10-2006 by Dr Love]

So the hot chic dies.....man that sucks.

Ya know, lately I've seen an increase in hot chics getting whacked. The Hills have no eyes, That movie with Kane..the one on the big house or whatever had hot chics up the wazoo, and I was really pissed when Sheri Moon got all shot up in The Devil's Rejects (good flick)....but she went out to Free Bird, so it's good to go.

Anyways, I see what you mean....I haven't see it yet, but it sounds like it would suck.


Sporty

[edit on 9/10/2006 by SportyMB]

I,m assuming this is the beginning one, was you a fan of the original tcm, alot of people I know dont like it or said it was just funny, but they didn't get the psycological side of the story (what if people like this existed).
Have you ever heard of Ed Gein (the guy who inspired tcm and silence of the lambs)
Ed Gein was really messed up, trying to ressurect bodies and dressing in their skin,
He only (apparently) killed two people, the rest he dug up at a graveyard.

Is this any better than tcm remake recently or is it worse???

Originally posted by SportyMB
... Sheri Moon got all shot up in The Devil's Rejects (good flick)....but she went out to Free Bird, so it's good to go.

Best. Use. Of. Freebird. EVER!

Rejects was so good - i just wish Rob Zombie was given as much freedom with House of 1000 Corpses...