The Perfect Girlfriend!!!!!

So, I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'......... So I says to myself, Self, what would be the perfect girlfriend? Hmmmmm, the perfect girlfriend..........

Nicole Kidman? Oh man! Now that's some good thinkin'! Talk about beautiful! And wait! She doesn't even need a costume for Halloween, with that white skin, and nice red hair, she looks just like a bottle of Elmers Glue! Think of the money you could save at the Halloween store! Oh wait a minute....she was married to Tom Cruise.....Nope not perfect...........

Jennifer Lopez? Hmmmmm, nope, way too high maintenance. Plus who wants to be married for just a week or two before she moves on to the next guy?

Fran Drescher? Looks really good, but Ugggghhh, I'd rather chew on tin foil than listen to her talk........

Paris Hilton? What are you kiddin' me? Nope far from perfect.

Hmmmm, c'mon brain, you gotta do some good thinkin' here. The perfect girlfriend......the perfect girlfriend.........

Hmmmm......... Yep I gotta do some thinkin' on this..........
I don't really like loud mouths........

I don't like havin' to watch what I say, like if I'm screamin' at the TV when the game is on and stuff......

I like to have a beer or two every now and then.......

Hmmmmmm..............

Wait! I got it!!!!
The perfect girlfriend would be a deaf, mute, nymphomaniac, whose father is a beer distributor!

Oh man, that's some good thinkin'!
Yep, a deaf, mute, nymphomaniac, whose father is a beer distributor is definately the perfect girlfriend!

Oh brain, how do you do it?

She can't be deaf, otherwise how could she hear you when you ask her to get you a beer?

Hot, naked, barefoot, preggers, in the kitchen gettin' me a samich.

Oh yeah, and the princess of some wealthy country.

this might enlighten you!

or...
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...

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this

I'll probably get banned or whatever so I'm gonna say it now before its too late

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