Is she really worth it?

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 months now, we really are a great couple; we have a lot of the same interests and our personalities match very well...rairly do we get in serious arguments. However shes been looking at colleges about 3 hours away and she told me that she would have to break up with me when she starts going to this college in about 6 months. Ive pondered about the idea of going to the college with her to maintain the relationship but I don't think its fair to me that I would have to do that to keep us alive. I support her in every way and if thats what she wants to do then by all means she can do it, but I ask..is it really worth it?

Is it worth my time to date her if she is inevitably going to break up with me?

Originally posted by ASSASSIN651

Is it worth my time to date her if she is inevitably going to break up with me?

Well dont you think that maybe you should ask yourself that question

I think youre damned if you do and damned if you dont anyway, and dont go to that college just for her, if you go do it for yourself or... just let her go.

peace

Rather than look at it with a grumpy "why should I bother" attitutde, take a different tact.

Do you like being around her? Do you enjoy her company? Do you think you could love this girl?

If the answer to any of those questions was yes, spend as much time as you can with her before she leaves. The worst that happens is she breaks up with you, which she is planning on doing anyway, and you will have had 6 or so more months of time with her. It should be noted that 3 hours is not a bad drive to make to see someone you love. It should also be pointed out that long distance relationships are extremely difficult to handle and you should let her go to school and do her thing. If she likes/loves you, she will still be with you when you are both home.

I have a very good friend who I went to college with. His high school girlfriend went to another school. A solid 4 hour plane ride apart. They decided to enjoy themselves at school and they broke up for school purposes. She flew in for formals and a few big events (even mardi gras). He went there as well. He had girlfriends at school, she had boyfriends.

They've been married for almost ten years, they have 2 kids and are considering a third.


My point is, if you do spend this time with her, when it comes time to send her off to school, don't push eachother for the long distance relationship. I know that sounds cold but the reality of it is, when you go off to school, you want to enjoy yourself, experience everything and get the most of your school scene.

Personally, I'd go with a no.

HOWEVER

If you feel that going there is the right thing to do, then do it. If not, don't. If things don't work out, at least you'll still be getting an education.

Good luck buddy.

Do you believe you are In Love with her? If you do, and you plan on staying with her for the next 6 months, then you had better get your mind set straight right now... Set it for no strings attached.

She has told you that she will have to break up with you when she goes to college, that tells me she has her mind set on the no strings attached mode already. If she really loved you, then she would never have said that. Not that you have said that she loved you!

She's gonna play the field, and that's why you two will have to break up. It's totally up to you if you want to put another 6 months into a girl that you might already be in love with?...just to have her break your heart....I'd cut her loose, or go for the no strings attached mode... then you can honestly know that you saw it coming.

flip a coin.







seriously.

Yes I do love her, very much so. Sure you may think "Oh its just puppy love", but I really can see myself living with this girl and starting a family. I would love to accept the fact that the no-strings attached method would work when we split and go off to college, however I am the kind of person that puts a lot of thought into everything..including relationships. I am not the kind of guy that can go out and be promiscuous with a bunch of girls, I don't see any fun in that..I would much rather be in love with that person before even performing such acts. I cannot imagine her ever being with another guy and I cannot imagine myself being with another girl.

I did talk to her about it the other night and we did clear some things up, she told me that she should have never said that she was going to break up with me and that in 6 months who knows what will happen. I told her my feelings about how pointless it is to date someone who is inevitably going to break up with you, and she understands my point and completely changed her outlook on things to come. Like I said we don't fight, we have intense conversation (lol).

But in any case, things are a bit better now in terms of the whole college dilemma, the more we talk about it the better it makes us feel and the closer we become.

Whatever happens..its all a part of growing up...and I accept whatever is thrown at me!

Thanks for the help guys, you r00l.

I'm really glad you two had that talk. Maybe it made her think long and hard about what she said in the first place... that started tearing at your heart. Sounds like it's made you a stronger couple. Since you love her....I'm glad to hear it

I hope everything works out well for you.

Originally posted by ASSASSIN651
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 months now, we really are a great couple; we have a lot of the same interests and our personalities match very well...rairly do we get in serious arguments. However shes been looking at colleges about 3 hours away and she told me that she would have to break up with me when she starts going to this college in about 6 months. Ive pondered about the idea of going to the college with her to maintain the relationship but I don't think its fair to me that I would have to do that to keep us alive. I support her in every way and if thats what she wants to do then by all means she can do it, but I ask..is it really worth it?

Is it worth my time to date her if she is inevitably going to break up with me?

Well what would you do with her if you keeep her?

Just try to be yourself and don't act like your superior, be yourself, be polite and ask the question. Just don't act like all the people I know, who think their better than you, and you'll be okay.

She basically just committed the cardinal sin of realtionships, giving the ultimatum. Those are terrible, you dont corner your partner with ultimatums. If I were you and she gave me one like that, I would tell her it was over on the spot. Relationships are a two way street, if shes not willing to give it a shot then I'd save yourself the hurtin' and end it now, but thats just me. Good luck, whatever may happen.

Well guys, looks like what I thought was going to happen...happened. She broke up with me last month, and I have been in hell ever since. It was however for different reason then I anticipated. Basically she decided not to go to college so far away and that she wanted to pursue her job that she just acquired, atleast for a year or so. Then all of a sudden one night, she broke up with me. It came to a complete and utter shock, I did not see it coming at all... So after she did the deed, I hugged her and told her I was going to miss her and she told me the same. Well ever since that night I have been very depressed and overly emotional, not to the point of crying uncontrollably..but to the point of me not being able to do anything but lay around and wallow in my own self pity. I have talked to her a couple times since then, but of course...it was weird. I even hung out with her once since then...which I decided I was not going to do again because it made it completely worse. Basically she told me that she wanted to pursue her career and did not want to be tied down in a relationship, and that she wanted to concentrate on each day ahead of her...not about when she was going to see me. She lacked true devotion obviously. I would have done anything for her, I have never been so head-over-heals for somebody in my entire life. I would do anything to have her back, to have her in my arms again..but I realize that it is not happening..ever again. I really hope she finds happiness in life, but I have a feeling that she isn't...but I sincerely hope she does..

It was a fun 9 months, some of the best in my whole life...

But life goes on and we move on, but damn what a reality-check...ive never been so alone...or felt so confused.

I am on the road to recovery, and im optimistic that this will pass, but I will never forget about her...

Some motivating comments would be nice...

Thanks for everything guys, you always come through when I am in need.

Originally posted by ASSASSIN651
I did not see it coming at all...

Yes... you did see it coming...four months ago...it was coming, but you didn't want it to be so, so you ignored the signs. I'm sorry she broke your heart.

Originally posted by ASSASSIN651
but to the point of me not being able to do anything but lay around and wallow in my own self pity.

Pick yourself up....dust it off, and you can now chalk this up to experience.

Originally posted by ASSASSIN651
I have never been so head-over-heals for somebody in my entire life.

Someone will come along again to fill that void, maybe someone better

I have had arguments alone that lasted 5 months!

I'd cut her before I got cut. I mean... 5 months. Dont think with your downstairs brain.

Next!

Mates are like buses, sit anywhere for about 15 minutes and one is sure to come along!

Id leave her with her ultimatums.

In my honest opinion women nowadays are not worth the time of day. But if you realy love her than you can make it work even if she goes away. But thats the trouble with relationships they take lots of work.

Originally posted by whatukno
In my honest opinion women nowadays are not worth the time of day. But if you realy love her than you can make it work even if she goes away. But thats the trouble with relationships they take lots of work.

He already got dumped.

Originally posted by Lysergic
He already got dumped.

Suppose I should read through the entire thread instead of posting from the OP Oh well I guess my first thought was correct afterall.

Ohh baby... it's okay. There are plenty more fish in the sea. If you really care about her, you'll support her aspirations of going to this college even if it means you'll only be long-distance friends with her.

Don't get yourself down. I know after having your heart broken it takes a long time to mend, but you have to start by accepting the fact that it's over and that there are plenty more opportunities for you.

You seem like a very sweet, sensitive and reasonable guy. I wish you the best of luck. If you ever feel down, feel free to talk to me, ok??

Originally posted by Paresthesia
Ohh baby... it's okay. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

I thought this guy was talking about relationships not fishing?

Seriously though, good advice on the broken hearted. I know I have been through the mother of breakups the big D so feel lucky man and don't let it get you down. I am sure that there is going to be a lot more women thain her that come into your life.

Wait a minute? I havent been with a woman in over a year dude I just thought about that

Oh well I am sure the OP will have far better luck. DONT GIVE UP there are realy good women out there.

I am not the type of guy who just gives up, I know there are plenty of women in the world to choose from. I have been through 2 heartbeaks already and they have helped me learn more about myself and about what I am looking for in a woman. I am just going to concentrate on myself now, I got a membership at a local gym and I am going there 3 times a week and getting myself in shape. Not to mention I picked up a few new hobbies, I play racquetball now and I bought myself an AR-15 that I take out to the range every once in a while..also I have been playing much more guitar lately then I was..which is definitely good. Anyway, I appreciate all of your comments as always...and Paresthesia you sound like a very nice and caring person, which is what I look for in a woman mostly, thank you for your words of wisdom.

Again, thank you all so much...I hope everyone has a great day!