Ramblings of a madman?

Certainly there is no reason to alert any authorities. I'm neither Muslim, nor looking to set up any kind of suicide mission. It also cannot be the teen years as I am 23 and just graduated from college. I don't really think I'm depressed either to be honest. I'm not sure what it is.

I can arrange a Suicide Mission for dear Allah if you really are that depressed, we are always looking for recruits.

Originally posted by AngelaLadyS


The feelings of detatchment do come to many when their time is drawing near...

Then I should have been gone a long time ago. I am only 29 years old and I have been in a detached state at least since I was 20. I suspect I will probably be one of those who it seems will never die. I'll probably live to be 120 or something.

Anyway, I think that more spiritually minded people do tend to be detached from the world around them. Nothing in this world really excites or intrigues us, to be honest. As the bible tells you, "Be in the world but not a part of it." Most spiritual minded people follow this statement to a fault. I know that I certainly have.

As a consequence of my detachment, I am 29 years old, unmarried and have no children. However, I suspect that when the time is right those things will be attainable. I know that God has a plan for me and it's a plan that is grander than the plan for the average individual.

You see, most people are meant to be born, have a family, live and die. However, some of us are meant for that and so much more. If we don't live up to our "destiny" then it brings unhappiness to our lives, which I am quite familiar with.

Originally posted by Ashnoth
Certainly there is no reason to alert any authorities. I'm neither Muslim, nor looking to set up any kind of suicide mission. It also cannot be the teen years as I am 23 and just graduated from college. I don't really think I'm depressed either to be honest. I'm not sure what it is.

Ok. Then let's start breaking it down.
(remembering that 'saddness' doesn't have to feel present for depression to exist)

Are you in the middle of moviing (as in with mom and dad and feel the need to leave... or just moved?)

Are you already in a job/career that you feel is likely to bring success and a decent life for your future... able to 'climb the ladder'... move up, get raises, etc?

Do you have someone special in your life, have you just broken up or are lonely? Have you had relationships and dating etc?

And as far as you life is concerned. Kind of sum it up for me.
I'll give you an example.

I'm a mom, I feel I've accomplished alot and feel good about that. I am still reaching for other goals and am doing well accomplishing them as well. I have a 'dream'... that is to say I can look ahead to 5, 10, 15 years and see what I want for my future and am working in that direction.
I have many friends, rarely is there a person I meet that I don't enjoy good conversation with. I'm please that others feel trusting towards me and enjoy my company.

In that example, you can pretty much see how I feel about myself and my life and those around me. Can you sum up a little of how you feel as well?

Alright, I’ll answer your questions as you presented them.

I am not in the middle of a move. I just graduated college, and have not gotten into my career yet. I’m currently looking for a full time job. I’m not in a relationship, nor have I ever been in a serious one. It is just something I’ve never been interested in.

Here is a sum up of my life:

I’m 23, and a recent college grad. I’ve had a good family life, and am a member of the Lutheran Church. I do have a strong faith, and that is an important aspect of my life. I was previously able to look forward in my life and have goals set out. But that stopped after graduation. I can no longer look forward and have a sense of where I am going to be in 5 or 10 years. I have a good group of close friends that I spend most of my social time with. I understand that looking at my life, it is a good one, and I should have no complaints. Yet I still feel I’m not on the path I’m supposed to be, and I fear if I jump into a career now, it will be a huge mistake.

Yea well hopefully these arent preludes to you shooting up a school or something which has become popular in the past couple weeks.

You say that you feel you are going to do something important but its not a good thing? Scarin me

Originally posted by j stuff
Yea well hopefully these arent preludes to you shooting up a school or something which has become popular in the past couple weeks.

You say that you feel you are going to do something important but its not a good thing? Scarin me

He said he wasn't sure if it would be a "good" thing or not.

Originally posted by Ashnoth
I’m 23, and a recent college grad. I’ve had a good family life, and am a member of the Lutheran Church. I do have a strong faith, and that is an important aspect of my life. I was previously able to look forward in my life and have goals set out. But that stopped after graduation. I can no longer look forward and have a sense of where I am going to be in 5 or 10 years. I have a good group of close friends that I spend most of my social time with. I understand that looking at my life, it is a good one, and I should have no complaints. Yet I still feel I’m not on the path I’m supposed to be, and I fear if I jump into a career now, it will be a huge mistake.

Then your feelings, my friend, are right on the mark. Not a darn thing wrong with you other than being exacly the kind of person we all hope our kids will turn out to be. You want good things in life and your in the cross roads. Which way do you go?!

I'd bet that if you were still finishing up a year of collage or already had a 'plan' for that 'next part of life' and were able to see a list of what to do next... these feelings wouldn't be upon you right now.

All healthy individuals go from one phase to the next, we don't stagnate. Those who continue to grow and do better always have to step from one step to the next. (like yourself... finishing up school and now inbetween that step and the next).

It's those who have a pretty good head on their sholders, those who usualy make goals and achieve them, those who usualy do very will in life ... it's these kinds of people that are the individuals who have a problem with this 'inbetween phase'. (that would be where you at right now) I don't like those inbetween stages much myself. But as long as I'm actively planning or preparing for the next, I do ok.

(I'm a type A personality, somewhat of a perfectionist in some areas... but fortunatly I learned to take it easy every now and agan and enjoy the down time. I'm hope you see this time as a good thing - a little down time that you'll be wishing for later!)

Alot of people are fine with this place your at in life right now, because they use it as a vacation time, a play time, a time to sluff off on the work and do as little as possible. Lucky for them - to a degree. They do loose time and aren't as high on the corporate ladder for it, but they take the time when it comes. And you'll find out that once this next part of life starts up... it's going to be hard to find down time!

Then of course there are the people who enjoy this stage so much that they just stay there. They are the ones that live day to day and do as little as possible, happy so long as they can get by. They take what they can get and don't have ambition to achieve begger and better for themselves or others.

I'd say that this rough spell tells me more good things about you than bad. And it is considered a depression. I know it isn't always sad, not taking showers etc kind of depression... but there are many degrees.

In your case, it's a possative aspect about yourself that makes you feel as if your in a slump.

Try to see this as a good time for studying life... and please don't make it stressful! Look around, what kind of work do you want to do (and it don't have to be specific... labor, indoors, outdoors, with poeple, with machinery, papers and pencils, medical fiels etc. Just the basics)... try out a few differnt places and see what it is you want to do within your educated field.
You have (safely) until your 30 years old to jump from job to job and find what you like. It's important to be happy where you work. If your in your 'career - keep it for life' job by the time your 30... retirement, bennefits, money etc will all be set in motion and you'll have plenty of time to retire well, have your house paid off and money aside.

Take a look at where you want to live too. While your not strapped down with wife and kids, travel, see what climate and what kind of place you want to live in. Country? City? Cold, hot, seasonal... You see... with this drive you have, you give it about 5 years and play it right (meaning DON'T settle)... and you'll be able to choose the wife and life you want for yourself.

I know you don't see it - but you are at the prime time of your life for many reasons.
I sure wish I was graduated, single and 23 again. I wasn't as smart as you. I got married, had babies and bought a house (the first one we could afford)... then got my education, then looked around and decided what I wanted out of life and what I coudl contribute to life.

Well... after your already married with children and have a house... it's rare that you get to decide anything anymore. Your kind of stuck. And if you do decide to change, it effects many people and is costly and takes a looonnnngggg time.

I hope this helps. I know that 10 years from now, if you still had this post, you would say YEP - that's exactly right. I wish I would have seen it then.

But it's hard to see things when we are in the middle of them, especialy because we have the human part (emotions feelings expectations etc) that get in the way of thinking. That, and of course hind site and personal experience are much better than just being told.

Ashnoth

Your statment about spending most of your time with your tight-knit group of friends, your boys, gives me feeling that you are a weed smoker and that is how you and your friends chill out. Do not take this offensively for I think there is nothing wrong with smoking weed. if u know i m saying...

I also get the feeling of strong attachment to your friends and that is what i see is putting you in this mood. Some of your friends are not on the same path you are... and you are concerned with that. I think you are a Computer Science Graduate or something in the Science/Computer field.

Are you struggling with balacing your career and social life? Do you feel like you are not giving appropriate time/attention to either one of those? Do your parants push towards the career path and its making you even more concerned? Do you feel obligated to take care of your close ones like they took care of you?

Do you feel like the corporate world is not cut out for you? Do you feel like life should be simpler and not so demanding? Do you fear the the path your carrer might take you? Do you feel like the corporate world is not pure or mind polluting?
Do you feel like your carrer may change the type of person you are? Do you feel like your career or thinking about your carrer will consume your time you spend with your boys?

That is what i get from reading your 1 post.


[edit on 4-10-2006 by theTRUTHtheWAY]

Thanks for all of the advice Angela. I will try and relax and enjoy life for now. You tell me to travel, but I have no urge to go out and do that. I don't know why, I just simply don't really care what else is out there I guess. I also do not plan on ever having a wife...again, something I'm not interested in.

TheTRUTH:

Haha, sorry to tell you that you are quite off about me. I don't smoke weed...though I'm not offended by you saying you think I do. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just not soemthing I do. I actually graduated with a degree in Recreation Management, nothing to do with computers or science. I guess maybe I'm worried that it's not what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm not too worried about it being too corporate, because well, most jobs in my field are not that corporate.

Originally posted by Ashnoth
Thanks for all of the advice Angela. I will try and relax and enjoy life for now. You tell me to travel, but I have no urge to go out and do that. I don't know why, I just simply don't really care what else is out there I guess. I also do not plan on ever having a wife...again, something I'm not interested in.

Most of us can't travel... unfortunately. Do you live in an area where there is a city and 'country/woods' near? Here, you walk out my door and you'd think there were no people or stores for miles and miles. We do the garden thing, heat with wood, have animals and kids running around... it's country living.

But down the road 3 minutes and you've got the suburbs. Nice yards but wallmart and the store real close. Go another 5 minutes and you hit highways... another 15 minutes and your smack dab in the middle of down town st. louis. You got your good parts and bad parts.

So I could stay with 3 different people for a few days and get a good idea of living in different areas.

I guess the important thing I wanted to get to was that you get to 'get a feel' and start thinking about what you might want. (not that you can't change your mind). Travel (as I discribed above.... not trips to hawai lol)... more for you own mind set than vacation.

I think you problem isn't just indecition and 'what to do', but you don't have enough input. You know the importance of the things to come... but who wants to pick something and just hope you pick 1/2 way decent? Not people with potential!

So I went about my daily routine today, which begins with getting up and running at 10 oclock with my buddy. I drove to his house, then we drove to a park to run at. I swear there was a black SUV following me, but thought nothing of it. Then on the way home, I saw it again in my rear view! I got home, went out to mow, and it was parked about 4 houses down on the street. I've never seen an SUV at that house, and it is now gone. I dunno, kinda freaked me out though.

Feeling dissillusioned and apathetic are sometimes motivators to get a person to change or give birth to something dormant inside themselves, maybe you are at a place in your life that you will find something postive to be passionate about.

The incident you described about the SUV makes me think maybe you feel you are going to be forced into some kind of happening that you don't want to be involved in.

Are you leaving out a big piece of this story?

When you start to feel like that, its time to lay off the weed.

Originally posted by Ashnoth
Much of what I’m about to post probably will not make sense to you. A lot of it doesn’t make much sense to me, but those of you who are willing to hear me out, I appreciate it greatly. I put this in the paranormal forum because a lot of these feelings I talk about are very paranormal to me.

I’m not even sure where to start. Lately, I’ve just had this feeling that I’m completely wasting my time here. I feel that I will play a crucial role in this world, for either good or bad. I feel like I’m being watched often, that my time of action is drawing closer. I feel that this time of action represents the end. Maybe the end of the world, maybe not. Certainly the end of myself in this form of consciousness. And perhaps affecting many, many people on this planet.

I look around and feel detached from this world. I watch other people go through daily routines and criticize them for being drones. Their actions seem so meaningless, and to be honest, they appear foolish to me. I find myself thinking that if they were to be wiped out, it would make no difference at all. I would certainly not feel bad. And that got me to thinking, I find it very hard to feel bad about anything. When bad things happen, I simply don’t care. Which makes me worry that I’m a being of evil. I often have a lot of hate in me, and fear that if I am to play a big part in this world, it will not be a good thing.

Thanks for bearing with me. Any thoughts?

Oh crap. You might as well have been talking about me. I've been having the same feelings for a while now. I've been trying to ignore them, thinking I was insane. I have these explained feelings, like strong hatred that melts away into pain and sorrow. I feel like I have a bigger role and would rather be struck dead then lead a 'normal' life. What I mean by normal is get married, move to the suburbs, by a white picket fence and an average pay job. I completely dread the 'norm' way of life. Ever since I was little I've wished for a purpose. Now I think I've found, good or bad I don't know yet. Is this the same thing anyone else is feeling?