The Biggest Conspiracy EVER!!!!!!

Psst....me again, Floyd. Don't you know that the cops are involved with the butchers? Don't you ever see them hanging around the butcher shops? Yeah, they stop there right after they get their doughnuts at the bakery. Gotta watch out for them bakers, don't ya know. Now THEY are some big time reptiles! I betcha didn't know that! They're bigger than the butchers. Butchers are small time. Don't go hanging around the bakeries. If they got wind about you from the butcher, you're good as gone. Ever wonder how they got those holes in the doughnuts? You don't even want to know.

Originally posted by closettrekkie
Gotta watch out for them bakers, don't ya know. Now THEY are some big time reptiles! I betcha didn't know that! They're bigger than the butchers. Butchers are small time. Don't go hanging around the bakeries. If they got wind about you from the butcher, you're good as gone. Ever wonder how they got those holes in the doughnuts? You don't even want to know.

Bakers, eh? I gott do some thinkin' about that........
Hmmmm Bakers........
It does make some sense. I always thought that that "Pillsbury Doughboy" was a little too ticklish and stuff. Who laughs like that when you get poked in the belly? And he looks kind of funny too, like all puffy and stuff.
Hmmmm........ I wonder how they do get those holes in those doughnuts.....
Oh man, you don't think?...... Eeeeew! I'm not eatin' any doughnuts anymore that's for sure.
Hey wait! I just thought of something. That Butcher down the street - his butcher shop is right next door to a Bakery!

Maybe, I need to start spyin' on those bakers too..........
I gotta do some good thinkin' about this...........

So I was sittin' here doin' some more thinkin'...............
Those butchers think they're so cool partnerin' up with bakers and stuff.
I'm thinkin' I need to go and do some really sneaky spyin' and stuff on that baker that's next to that butcher.
Hmmmm............ I just gotta come up with a good spyin' plan.

C,mon brain, help me figure out a good plan to spy on that baker.

Hmmmmm........

Can't put a really cool spy fort near that bakery..............
A Ninja suit won't really help in daylight..........

Hmmmmm.........

Wait! I got it! I'll dress up like a butcher! Oh brain that is some good thinkin'!

So, I go out and get an apron, and a little white hat. I put it on, and put some red finger paint on that smock so it looks like I've been butcherin' and stuff. Then I put on my really cool spy watch, and dark spy sunglasses. Man this is such good thinkin'.

So I go to that bakery and walk in. Hmmmm, nobody here, just a couple of people behind the counter.

One of the ladies behind the counter says "Can I help you?".
I say, "Yeah, I need to talk to the baker."
She says "What is this in reference to?"
I say "I'm here to help with the doughnuts."
She says "Excuse me?"
I say "The doughnuts. I'm here to help with the doughnuts. You know the holes in the doughnuts." and I wink. Wait she can't see me wink with those really dark spy sunglasses!
She says "The holes in the doughnuts? What are you talking about?"
I say "I'm here to help put the holes in the doughnuts. But there might be a problem. Those are some pretty small holes in your doughnuts. My doughnut holes would be bigger than that."
She says "What in the hell are you talking about?"
Man these bakers are just as crafty as those butchers!
I say "My doughnut holes would be bigger than those doughnut holes, if you know what I mean. Poor baker."
She says "Hey Maggie, go get Bruno! Tell him code blue"

Finally, I'm gettin' somewhere. Code blue. That must be Reptillian Grey Zionist Illuminati talk for here's another one of us.

Next thing I know this really, really big guy comes out of the back. He's all covered with flour and stuff, and has a really big baseball bat in his hand.

He screams "Get the F--k out of here you dirtbag!"

Oh no, they're onto me! Gotta get out of here!

So I run out, and keep on running until I get home. Those Reptilian Grey Zionist Illuminati are so smart! They must still have some kind of a brain worm in my head. I gotta try somthin' new and stuff.........

Originally posted by lombozo
I need to go and do some really sneaky spyin' and stuff on that baker that's next to that butcher.
Hmmmm............ I just gotta come up with a good spyin' plan. C,mon brain, help me figure out a good plan to spy on that baker.

I have a good idea! What if you swing by my place, I'll give you a bunch of chicken eggs, and you can pretend like you are a delivery man! That should get you in? No? Ya know bakers need eggs, also eggs just go really good with bacon

I think my plan should be considered, I wouldn't want Bruno to give you a code blue!

Originally posted by jensouth31

Originally posted by lombozo
I need to go and do some really sneaky spyin' and stuff on that baker that's next to that butcher.
Hmmmm............ I just gotta come up with a good spyin' plan. C,mon brain, help me figure out a good plan to spy on that baker.

I have a good idea! What if you swing by my place, I'll give you a bunch of chicken eggs, and you can pretend like you are a delivery man! That should get you in? No? Ya know bakers need eggs, also eggs just go really good with bacon

I think my plan should be considered, I wouldn't want Bruno to give you a code blue!

Now that is some darn good thinkin'! An egg delivery man! It's perfect. I can wear my tin foil hat and stuff so they'll never know it's me! Yep, I'll swing on by and pick up some of those eggs. I'll be all dressed up like a spy and stuff so you might not know it's me.

Man, now you got me thinkin' about bacon and stuff. I gotta go out and get some Canadian bacon to mix with those eggs.

So what can I do about that brain worm and stuff?
Hmmmmmmm................. What to do about that brain worm, what to do.....

Hmmmm, the frozen grape squishee didn't work. Those reptilian grey zionist illuminati still knew who I was.

Maybe bang my head real hard? Hmmmmm......... Nah, if that would have gotten rid of that brain worm, then Bruno wouldn't have come out with a bat and stuff ready to hit me in the head.

Man! I really want some crispy bacon! Do I have any in the fridge? Hmmmmm......
Nope, no bacon, just lot's of beer, and food and stuff. Hmmmm.... there's some fruit sittin' in a metal collander. That is one fancy metal collander. All shiny and stuff with all those holes in it, and those 2 really cool handles on the side....

Hold on! I got it! Oh man, this'll get rid of that brain worm for sure! This is some great thinkin'!

So I take that fancy metal collander and dump out that fruit. Then I take an electric cord and cut the end off. Then I strip the insulation off of the 2 parts of that electric cord! Oh man, this is pure brilliance! Then I attach 1 side of that electric cord to one handle on that fancy metal collander, and the other side of the cord to the other handle.

Then I put that fancy metal collander on my head. Man it fits so good! Then I use some tweezers and pull my hair through all of them holes. Man that took a long time and stuff. Now my hair is all stickin' up and stuff through those holes. I look like a white Jimi Hendrix!

Then I sit down in my really cool chair next to an outlet. Ok brain worm, now you're gonna get it! So I plug in that electric cord................

When I woke up, that collander was on the floor, and was all black and stuff. There was a really funny smell too........... I bet that's the smell of a fryin' brain worm!

I wonder how long it's gonna take before I have any hair?

Lombozo my friend, you have just prestented yourself with a perfect oppertunity, All you have to do is buy a hair piece, a fake moustache and some fake tan, smear plenty of tan on and put on your wig and moustache wear you white clothes with red paint and get a job in the butchers as "Carlo's the butcher from spain". Now you can get in there and see what is really going on behind the scenes, they will never recognise you now....

Ps. Can you tell me how many fingers i'm holding up...

[edit on 22-12-2006 by chris01621]

Originally posted by chris01621
Lombozo my friend, you have just prestented yourself with a perfect oppertunity, All you have to do is buy a hair piece, a fake moustache and some fake tan, smear plenty of tan on and put on your wig and moustache wear you white clothes with red paint and get a job in the butchers as "Carlo's the butcher from spain". Now you can get in there and see what is really going on behind the scenes, they will never recognise you now....

Ps. Can you tell me how many fingers i'm holding up...

[edit on 22-12-2006 by chris01621]

That is some of the best thinkin' yet! Carlos, eh? Yep, I gotta go out and buy some of that fancy disguise stuff!

How many fingers? My vision is still kind of blurry and stuff - looks like 11?

Originally posted by chris01621

All you have to do is buy a hair piece

[edit on 22-12-2006 by chris01621]

Lombozo,

There's some nice rugs here, at affordable prices too! They do still seem a bit spendy to me, but what do I know? I've never shopped for a man wig before! Truth be told, I've never shopped for a woman wig either, I have super thick hair, and really...I've never needed one! hahaha Men's Hairpieces at Affordable Prices

I sure hope this helps. Now I was in the dollar store the other day, and they had some of those black plastic glasses with the BIG NOSE, and a black mustache. Now that was really, really cheap....just a dollar!!! It might help balance out the price you'll have to pay for that man wig

On this affordable wigs site I found this:



Now this would look really good with fake tan and a moustache, you could really be Carlo's (said with Spanish accent) the Butcher from Spain...

So, I was sittin' here doin' some thinkin'...............
So I says to myself, Self? What kind of wig should I buy?
Hmmmmmm.......... There's alot of good thinkers here on ATS.
There's alot of different kinds of wigs. Maybe I should get a fancy long haired one. That way I can pull it into a ponytail, or like I could use lots of hairspray and stuff, and look like an 80's hair band rock star!
Or like I could go and get a mohawk wig! Yeah! And like put those fake tattoos all over me - I'd look so scary! I bet those butchers and bakers would be so surprised when I walked in!

I gotta go look at that wig store...........

Hmmmmmm.......... So I was incognito and stuff for a little while. I noticed that that sneaky butcher doesn't drive by my house any more. I bet I finally got rid of that brain bug!
Man I really want to eat some nice crispy bacon.........
That round Canadian stuff isn't the same as those nice fancy strips.
Those stupid Zionist Illuminati Reptilian Grey Butchers! Tinkerin' with bacon. They'll pay for this!
I gotta spy on that butcher, 'cause I want my bacon!
Hmmmmmm........ I gotta sit and do some thinkin'...........
Hmmmmm, how to spy on that butcher, how to spy on that butcher?
I tried the Ninja suit, the refrigerator box, the camoflagey upside down pool. Man! That is one crafty butcher!

Hmmmmm....................

Wait! I got it! Oh brain this is good even for you!

I got this really cool remote controlled helicopter. I also got a fancy video camera! Yeah! I'll attach that fancy video camera to that really cool helicopter and stuff. Then I'll fly over that butchers house and do some really cool spyin'! It's perfect!

So I get some Scotch tape and start tapin' that fancy video camera to the really cool helicopter. Yep, I'm tapin' it on real good. Boy this thing is kind of heavy. So I go and get my longest coaxial cable. It's like 1000 feet long and stuff. I plug one end into that fancy video camera, and the other end into my TV. Man! It works! I'm set to do some fly by butcher spyin'!
So I turn on my really cool helicopter. OK time for lift off! Man, that helicopter is goin' up really slow and stuff. That fancy camera is kinda heavy. So up it goes, higher, higher. Yep, higher than the power lines. Perfect! Now over to the butchers house!
Man I want some nice crispy bacon!
Yep, I'm watchin' it on my TV. A little more, closer, closer. Allright! I can see into his backyard! Gotta built in pool. Now I know he is up to no good! If you have a fancy built in pool, why would you put up a tall fence around it? Most people would want their neighbors to see that fancy pool.
Hey there he is sittin' on a chair by that fancy pool! He thinks he's so cool.
What's that flappin' in front of my camera? Hey! He's got a shed out there too. I bet that's where he keeps those people he abducted. Yep, he's not foolin' me.
Whatever that is flappin' in front of my camera is gettin' worse. And the picture is gettin all wobbly and stuff.

Hmmmmmmmmm........... What is that?

The picture is like really wobbly and stuff..... Wait! It's the scotch tape comin' off! Uh-Oh! The tape breaks and the camera falls right into that butchers yard. With the weight gone, that fancy helicopter goes shootin' up like real quick and stuff, and crashes into a tree in that butchers yard.
Then that really long coaxial cable falls down on the power lines. Man look at all that sparkin'! Hey what happened to the power? Oh man the whole neighborhood is dark..........
That butcher is followin' the cable, and comin' right over here.........
I gotta go! I'll report later.