Who Has The Worst Bad Joke?

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

I found this on www.badpuns.com...

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local town. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye: "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World and the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."

"I'm very sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth again, I can play you have another track."

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.

Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could hear another track."

Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."

"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant,

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"I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."

What's red and invisible?
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No tomatoes

Originally posted by whitewave
what do you call a gnome under a ladies dress?



goblin.

What do you call a rooster crossed with a turkey?




Cock Gobbler

I made that up, i is teh funy

There is a man who loves tractors,
he loves tractors so much that when he is at work all he does is look on the net at tractor websites,
His boss gets really annoyed because he doesn't do much actual work and fires him,
When he goes home all he does is read tractor magazines and his wife gets really annoyed and leaves him and says when you can get your life together and stop obsessing over tractors, maybe i'll come back.
So the guy decides it's time to get his life together and gets all of his tractor magazines, all posters and books and burns them in his yard.
After a tough night burning his passion away he goes to the bar.

He walks into the bar and it is so smokey he can barely see anything,
he asks the barman how he can work in conditions like this and the barman says "I know it's really hard on my chest sometimes"
So the guy who used to love tractors so much says"I know, hold on a minute"


So he takes in a huge breath and sucks up all the smoke in the bar, runs outside and breaths it all out, he walks back into the now much clearer bar and the barman says "how on earth did you do that?"










The man says "I'm an ex-tractor fan"

[edit on 7-10-2006 by chris01621]

This is horrible:

A man wins a cheese wheel in a cheese eating contest. It's so big he has to roll it home. As he's rolling it home, a guy across the street keeps yelling: "Hey man..where'd you get that cheese? That's not yo cheese. Where did you get it? That's not yo cheese....."

The guy finally gets home and shows his wife the big cheese wheel he won. She says, "How nice...what kind of cheese is it?"

He says, "Well, they didn't tell me, but on the way home this guy kept yelling 'That's Nacho cheese....that's Nacho cheese....' So I guess it's Nacho cheese.


You said you wanted BAD!

2 guys that work together die at the same time. They meet St. Peter at the gate and Peter says: "We like to give everyone jobs based on what they did on earth....kind of the same level of work if you know what I mean."

So Peter says to the first guy: "What was your job?"
First guy: "I sewed crotches into women's panties."
So Peter says: "Okay...that sounds pretty basic. We'll find you something simple to do up here."
Then Peter says to the second guy: "What was your job on earth."
Second guy: "I was a diesel fitter."
Peter: "A diesel fitter! That sounds pretty important. We'll find you a very important job up here!"

The first guy says: "WAIT A MINUTE! We worked right next to each other and my job was much harder. I sewed the crotches in the panties and all he had to do was hold them up and say 'Deez'll fit her.'"

Again...you wanted bad!!

I have some of the worst!!


[edit on 9-10-2006 by Excitable_Boy]

A pirate having a wood leg, a hook instead of his hand and a eye patch walk into a bar.

Someone ask him, how he got his wood leg.

The pirate reply: it was during a fight with a shark.

Then someone else ask, what about the hook.

The pirate say: it was during a fight with another pirate, that he lost his hand.

Then someone ask, what about the eye patch.

The pirate say: a seagull # into my eye.

Peoples reply: you don't loose an eye, with simple seagull # !!!

Pirate says: I had my hook, since only two days.

Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?



Because it's two tired.......

a guy walks into a bar with an orange for a head.
the bar tender says "hey man, why is your head an orange?"
and the guy says "it s a funny story. see, i found and rubbed a magic lamp, and out pops this genie."
"go on" says the bar tender.
the man continues "this genie says he'll grant me any three wishes i want. so for my first wish, i wished for infinite wealth, and *poof*, i got it. for my second wish, i wished for two beautiful babes that would love me forever and wait on me hand and foot, and instantly the two most gorgeous girls i could ever imagine were standing at my feet."
bar tender says "but that doesn't explain anything!"
guy continues "hold on, i'm not done yet! well, for my third wish--and this is where i think i went wrong--i wished to have an orange for a head."


haha!! get it!?!
yeah, neither do i.

What do you call the three legged donkey?

A Wonkey.

What do you call a one eyed deer?

I've no idea. (eye deer)

A Lion goes into a bar sits down, orders a brewskie and starts chatting up the really attractive woman sitting at the end of the bar. They hit it off and the lion moves closer...after a couple of drinks and lot's of laughs the Lion turns and in one big GULP...swallows the woman whole, high heels and all.

As the Lion sits quietly picking his teeth with a claw, the bartender comes over, shaking his head sullenly.

"Oh you really shouldn't have done that." he says still shaking his head.

"Why not?" asks the Lion.

"Well..." says the bartender looking concerned, "That was the bar bi**h you ate."

I grew up listening to this joke. It was my father's favorite...lemme know if you need help.

here is, in my opinion, the worst joke in the world:

I won't tell you the joke about the butter, you might spread it.

terrible isn't it?

Evidently it is the worst joke in the world, as no one has managed to put a worse joke on here.

Did you hear about the new Italian tires ??

Dago through mud....Dago through snow....when Dago flat, Dago "Wop Wop Wop"

p.s. no slander, I AM Italian...

haha nice one

did you here what happened when the apple fell from the tree?

it made gravity happen...

hahahhaa

What do you do with 1000 used rubbers? melt them down, make a tire and call it a good year CHEESE

2 chimps were in their cage at the zoo.

One says "what's for lunch?"

The other says " I have some bread."

The other then sparks up saying " I have some cheese, all we have to do is put the cheese on the bread and put it under the Gorilla."

Prepare Yourself for the Best...

What did the one SnowMan say to the Other?
Smells like Carrots

good I know

here's the Queen Mother:

********

Two Pretzles were walking down the Street.
One was A Salted...

get it... a salted... assualted!
classic

best ice breaker ever... the women love it

Courtesy of my five-year old:

Why did the turkey stand in the middle of the road?
To get run over.

Want to hear a dirty joke? (Like he knows what this actually means!)
The horse fell in the mud.

I know, I know. It's the best I can do right now!