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Charlie the Tuna is a bad bad person.

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posted on Sep, 6 2006 @ 07:16 AM
Im gonna try to make this short, but it just occured to me tonight, while I was making myself a sandwich that Charlie the tuna is a man to be avoided.

Think about it. Not only is he the sole spokesperson (spokesfish, whatever) for Starkist tuna, but he himself is a tuna!! What the? Does he hate the tunafish race so much that he is willing to go on the record as advocating mass genocide for his own people? Remind you of any WWII dictators?

Charlie the tuna is so full of self hate that it scares me. Not only that, but if you go on the Starkist website, you would find a picture of him in a chef's hat and cooking bib, offering up tasty recipes on how to properly prepare tuna.........WHAT THE CRAP IS THIS? I mean is he some kind of cannibal or what?

Am I the only person that finds this sort of sadistic? It wouldnt surprise me if he actually eats this stuff himself. Actually, it is sort of suggested, if you look at the cooking garb hes wearing. I bet it gives him a kick to lure unsuspecting young tunas into the fishing nets, as he swims away, laughing sadistically . I wonder how soundly he sleeps at night (do fish sleep? I dunno). I know hes working for the man, but I wonder how much they're paying him for such betrayal.

I hope its enough, Charlie.............I hope its enough.

posted on Sep, 6 2006 @ 09:32 AM
Your concerns are not unfounded, Dj. :shk: A disturbing phenomenon has risen its ugly head of late - that of the increasing occurrence of psychotic, cannibalistic animals advocating the genocide of their own kind. I myself am sickened by this, and have spent many harrowing nights researching the subject. Thank you for bringing the shadowy underworld of animal death cult leaders into the light for all to see. If we can expose these maniacal demons, then maybe...just maybe...we can stop them.

My investigations have pulled back the shroud somewhat from the activities of a shadowy figure, known only as "Chicky". Here is a police artist's impression of this fowl creature:

InterPol database files on Chicky show that he is associated with the mass chicken-murderer known as Colonel Sanders, or "The Colonel". The Colonel is purported to have died many years ago, after which Chicky took over the gruesome operations of the evil "K.F.C" cult. Rumours still abound that the Colonel faked his own death and runs things from behind the scenes even today.

Below is the only known photo of Chicky, taken deep in the heart of Communist China where the KFC cult has been quietly expanding its sinister operations at an alarming rate, protected from international law enforcement scrutiny, and where "Bird Flu" has been used as a cover for the abduction and slaughter of millions of innocent birds.

Look at the black, soulless eyes of this creature of death. I get shivers down my spine just looking at it.

Conspiracy theories are rife concerning the goals of the cult, including the theory that they are using the blood of innocent chickens in ancient Thule rituals, in an attempt to discover the Thirteen Secret Herbs and Spices of legend - a combination of mystical ingredients that will grant unlimited power to the bearer, and the ability to rule the world. The enormous size and strength of Chicky compared to other chickens is pointed to as support for this theory. Others say that the herbs and spices will be used to bring the mummified remains of the The Colonel back from the dead, fulfilling the prophecy of the coming of the Anti-Chicken. It is said that they have already discovered 11 of the herbs and spices and are close to completing their diabolical master plan, whatever it may be.

Wild theories aside, what is known for certain is that secret KFC "factory farms" are spread across the globe. The chickens go in...but none come out. A deep undercover operative was able to sneak this photo out showing the inside of a chicken death camp. I should warn may find this image disturbing.

Please, if anyone has any information concerning the whereabouts of Chicky or The Colonel, report it to your country's security agencies immediately. Perhaps one day with our help, hens everywhere will be able to breathe a cluck of relief, free from the shadow of family meal buckets, and never again having to hear those chilling words, "Would you like fries with that?"

[edit on 2006-9-6 by wecomeinpeace]

posted on Sep, 6 2006 @ 12:44 PM
Remember McDonalds years ago when they had Mayor McCheese as one of thier mascots (a walking cheeseburger for those who dont know).

I think were onto something big here. Maybe you mods should move this to ATS?


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