The Journal: Ahead Of Now

What can one put up to you to say what can we be or what can we see, its all what u want what u can be, nothing is going to keep them from stopping, to force the end, it was coming so fast we all knew it was happening, the time was so far from gone the world was to close to the edge and the life of so many were hanging only on threads. What then can we ask why is this time the way it is the way it has happened. When the world was once perfect we could not haste to take it all or granted, the dreams of so many like tomorrows never happened but the world was just there one as one in one day. No one ever slept that was the truth. Now we find it not anything, skies darken red and life gone for what we say is fate. We all know missing the trees the smell of wind of life all fine, nothing left nothing ever more. Breaking through the surface the underground is shaking all we do is wait in fear for for nothing we can see hear believe. Living now the time flew to fast time we wished we could have and nothing will win that again, forgetting the sunsets as if it was life in a dream and we cant seem to take it over to believe the truth we set our our own lives up for. It’s not truth anymore its death scarce between to worlds two worlds inside us all. Why cant we explain why cant I take this the world is all I have all I needed and now its all I fear from and gain from the world we get so stuck in this what we cant believe, no not this again it does not fear me or us it continues to travel behind beneath us over the world we lost to what what we made. The life we have to find is lost between us and this this what I can’t describe, it was only inscribed to what we could not believe too late now for us… I remember the days I was so young back the sky was so bright the wind blew through my hair clearing my mind my body leaving so refreshed, feeling the smooth touch of life with in those swift brushes with the air. The sun on my face leaving behind a warmth that cant ever be described, hearing the music I so wished could lift my spirits now, and hearing the stories of true true life that I am not living for, I knew it was just talk ya know. Now mans life… still traveling beyond what we hear see…. No more dreams no more life beyond these eyes, only one purpose one purpose to not give in to not become…

Days put together we try to reach them without no hope and still fear fills my veins like strands of ice traveling through my entire body, crippling my walk my thought all that I have lost to fear, of what of when I would say, Thanks, its all there fault! They began this and now I m left to endure the end of it, we heard it coming so many people so many voices told us to turn, what could I do, this world is such not a worth of this, all that is gone, they’re gone, what now? Hardly a day can go by now, back than it was all bout now us and fun, life wasn’t here it was gone lost to space truth rhythm, nothing at all, we overcame so much we found ourselves in such a world of peace nothing was ever going to go wrong until curiosity took over and took over life and took over our future, fate than had to step in. ahh!!!!! It hurts so bad my arms my legs my whole body been aching for so long, time to write iam so surprised I actually do have time, what time? What time of this do I have? My life, they ask why do I write what well does it do>>? I don’t care anymore, no one ever gets along anymore no one believes them me or anyone; it’s a war within us. Throughout the planet. The stars I know are behind this cloak of scrim darkness, I miss so much the taste of real water so much I feel it was yesterday yea yesterday I cant even remember what is was about what happened?

I cant cry this life has put me us in so much confusion, you cant look at anything and know if its real anymore, is that is this is what iam writing real. Closing my eyes I see nothing I feel nothing I only scream out of fear on my inside, my future what future no more we have got nothing. I just want them to hear this, this something I put down; just maybe one will hear it and maybe ill make a difference and impact so much just as my past life has on me. I remember we feared to dreams of thus what was happening ins our but what can you say it not its… you know I love to listen to the ,music of anything the sounds of anything’s I hate the constant life of the same music I hate constant things I have to have changing stuff, like now its all the same nothing is different nothing is changing, the end is always the same but way more illuminated in our dreams in our fears…. I used to listen music really any kind and just match it up with people I would listen some rock soft techno anything really and just put faces and dreams about them in the music its different it was a way to get away. There was this girl ya know it was love it was real it was then…. Iam only left with hose memories… those moments when my heart my jumped stopped slowed down speeded up or whatever. I matched so many songs with that, see some things s in my head just need something to unlock them, a smell a song a beat a picture…. I know its all in there somewhere…. But all I can think of this fear this death the end I know is coming, I just wish others could see it…

The world was left by those who could run it, those who survive it those who could control….. I wasn’t one of them… the space I wished I could see last night, the clods will never leave the sky will never thanks to us but its how it goes… ya know when you have to give up some things sometime to enjoy the end result, well we all thought that the end result would be for our good… when good we all not good no more better than…. The world is what I loved I lived for and now what nothing is worth it , no money no cost no love nop air no anything, what is it worth you see the truth was controlled and only those who wanted could have it, why not me!!! It was hard its so hard…. I lost it all the ground beneath me is tormented by dust and left with left over of what was our life my life, a can a pinch of life I had fly right through my hand and hit the ground… well that’s all it was.. Worthless this world everything on it was worthless, us humans were left to know our worthy left as I mean it…. Nothing was wanted b y those who needed to save their own life’s…. What happened they for got our loves….

Three days now no water no food no life within a millions horizons, the sun man I wish I could see that sun so radiant setting over the water of the ocean over anything… man but still Ill dream, remember the wind the slow turning of the sky rushing past life and continuing for anything not stopping for anything no one at all, now I can not believe that.. I heard the wind doesn’t stop for anything….not even death…. And now it’s all stopped as if the world stopped from all this…. By now 2nd group has been out of touch for ten days….. They decided to go and travel there own way…. At least they had some of the ancient writings to see the map in it… left behind the two went on because they were told… the other ten decided to not go from fear…that what I can remember its our motto… be the 2 not the ten… it’s the us few now that try our hardest to push on…. We all know its all gone but still ….we hangs on to some the things of our life… I guess it helps to keep us from falling into the fear the death from fear…. . you know my feeling have changed just from weeks ago, I become more numb to the feelings that used to incase me…. The world seems to be nothing, I met a guy today he was one of them, one of the ones that survived… he told me story I can remember every word……

-it was so long ago I was just a boy and life was about toys candy and girls were to be shunned…. I grew up in a world of love my mom and dad were great people, they taught me the truth and I still could not always find peace within… I knew all the ones that came to be for the cause of just but no one really helped me you see, its always been a war always but now it has just gotten way worse… the skies darken from lost truth, no light or even stars… hey but what are those for… we all use to think the sun wow who needs it…. Now we all wish we could see it, but see now I understand what the entire scuff was about the truth…. I try my best now to go with it, others seem to deny me for it iam fine………………


[edit on 15-8-2006 by ragster]