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Post you favorite Joke!

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posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 03:41 PM
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and another one, my cousin told me this one---A salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
"I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
"It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said.
"Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said.
"Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today." ---pretty disgusting lol


-Jimmy-




posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 03:45 PM
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and here is one of my all time favorites---During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."
hahahaha

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 06:57 PM
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hahahhahahahaahh oh man.....tooo funny...I WISH I COULD THINK OF ONES LIKE THAT! ahhh....still, awesome job...you are the comic king



posted on Aug, 26 2006 @ 10:29 AM
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Back for a couple more---

A guy says, "Doc, I think I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." The doctor says, "Come back tomorrow and bring her with you."
The next day, the guy shows up with his wife. The doctor says to the wife, "Take off your clothes and lie on the table." She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down. He pulls the guy to the side and says, "You're fine. She doesn't give me a hard-on, either."

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 26 2006 @ 10:30 AM
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A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son.1 They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?". To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see.", replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and ask, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men", the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy;" Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men, One for January, one for February, one for March..."

hahahahahaha

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 26 2006 @ 10:31 AM
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On the honeymoon, Harriet says to her new husband, "Eddie, how many women have you slept with?"

He says, "If I tell you, you'll freak out."

She says, "No, I won't."

He says, "Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...you...nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen...."


-----------------

A man is lying in bed in hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young student nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young student replies, "I don't know I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."

He struggles again to ask,"Nurse are my testicles black?"

Finally she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a closer look and says,"There is nothing wrong with them."

Fnally the mans pulls off his oxygen mask and replies
"That as very nice but, I asked ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"


--------

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 26 2006 @ 10:34 AM
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A guy was watching over his kid for nightly prayers.

The kid says, "Goodnight Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa, and goodbye Grandma."

The next day the Grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird. That night, the kid says "Goodnight Mommy, Daddy, and goodbye Grandpa" The next day the Grandpa dies.

The father is like this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodnight Mommy, and goodbye Daddy."

The father freaks. He's all like I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work. at the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair.

He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day. She says YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!

----------------------

A litte boys goes to his father and asks him the difference between hypothetical and a fact.

His father tells him to go ask his mother if she would sleep with the mailman for a million dollars.

The boy asks his mother and she replies "Hell yeah."

He tells his father what she says and then his father tells him to go ask his sister if she would sleep with the principal for a million dollars.

He asks and his sister replies "Yes."

He again tells his father what the answer was. The little boy asks "So what's the difference?"

The father replied "Hypothetically we're rich, the fact is we're just living with a couple of wh*res."

------------

A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.

"Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.

The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? Their hookers. They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?"

"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.

---------------

Grampa and Billy were working out in the garden. Grampa spies Billy trying to put a worm back into the ground. "You'll never get that worm back in his hole," said the old man.

Suddenly, Billy had an idea. He ran into the laundry room and came back with a can of spray starch.

After a few sprays, the worm was as stiff as a board and Billy was able to slide him back into the earth.

"Billy! You're a genius," exclaimed granpa. He hugged Billy, gave him a dollar out of his pocket, grabbed the starch, and ran inside.

Thirty minutes later, grampa comes back out smiling. He gives Billy another dollar. "Grampa," said the boy, "you already gave me a dollar."

"No," replied grampa, "that dollar's from grandma!"

-----------

One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, “penis” written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson.

The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.

Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find “penis” on the board, a little larger each time.

She went in one morning, expecting to find it again, but instead the chalkboard read: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.”

------------------------

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 26 2006 @ 01:41 PM
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I know I'am hogging this thread but...anyways..

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 26 2006 @ 02:35 PM
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I do not know if I should post this. Note not a racist. Why isn't asprin black. It wouldn't work.



posted on Aug, 27 2006 @ 11:13 AM
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haha, jimmy, i'm gonna try that chalk board one on a teacher at my high school...that'd be too funny



posted on Aug, 27 2006 @ 09:55 PM
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Lol, its been almost 2 days i havn't posted a joke! Lol, if you try that chalkboard thing, be sure your teacher doesn't recognize your handwriting!

-Jimmy-


Ack

posted on Aug, 28 2006 @ 01:57 PM
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How can you a baby has successfully been baptized?






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