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Post you favorite Joke!

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posted on Aug, 3 2006 @ 04:27 PM
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Hi, i want to hear all your jokes! Post up your favorite Joke!




posted on Aug, 8 2006 @ 12:40 PM
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Ok, but this one isn't for the faint of heart:


Whats the difference between a clever midget and a venerial disease?


Well, the first ones a cunning runt...


:w:



posted on Aug, 14 2006 @ 03:33 PM
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Originally posted by AllinTheMind89

Ok, but this one isn't for the faint of heart:


Whats the difference between a clever midget and a venerial disease?


Well, the first ones a cunning runt...


:w:

lol, it took me a bit, but I eventually got it, lol



posted on Aug, 15 2006 @ 02:11 AM
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Whats white, smells and found in panties?






Clitty litter.



posted on Aug, 15 2006 @ 02:24 AM
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Originally posted by ddoT
Whats white, smells and found in panties?

Clitty litter.


hahaha, wow that was great...you and I, leading the jokes of the vaginas...haha



posted on Aug, 24 2006 @ 11:26 AM
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Okay I got one.. A husband finishes work early one day and when he comes home, the wife hears him open the door, at that time she was with her neighbour having an affair so she tells him to go in the closet, he does. The husband is surprised to find the wife naked in his bed so they start talking, back in the closet the guy notices that the couples kid is in the closet also, kid says'' its dark in here huh?'' guy says'' yea..'' kid says'' i have a baseball here, do you wanna buy it from me?'' guy says'' uh, okay'' kid says ''250$'' guy says '' your crazy Im not givin you 250 $ for that!!'' kid says'' my dads right there, i open the door and your dead!'' So the guy gives him 250$ for the baseball. The next day the exact same thing happens, wife is cheating, almost gets caught by husband and guy ends up in closet with the lil boy again. kid says '' its dark in here huh?'' guy says ''uh, yea'' kid says'' i have a baseball bat here, you wanna buy it from me?'' guy says ''umm okay how much?'' kid says ''750$'' guy says ''your crazy!!'' kid says ''my dad is right there i open the door and your caught!'' so the guy ends up giving him 750$ for the stupid baseball bat. Th kid, now with 1000$, feels bad for his dad so he buys him a new labtop. The father says'' where did you get the money for this?'' kid says'' i cant tell you'' father says ' well if you cant tell me then your going to a confession booth'' so they go to the church. the kid goes in the lil room and says '' its dark in here huh?'' priest says'' Oh not you again!!''

-Jimmy-

another one coming soon...



posted on Aug, 24 2006 @ 11:32 AM
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Second one: A boyfriend and his girlfrined start getting intimate, and he realizes that he is comming wayyyy too early and she is not geting any satisfaction from him, so he goes to see a professional of this subject, he asked how he could hold it in longer to please her, professional says '' well there are many ways, one way is to startle yourself! I suggest buying a gun and shooting it when your close to having an orgasm'' So he does exactly that, he comes home from work excited and finds his girlfriend already naked in the bed, which makes his job all that easier, they start getting in the 69 position and after a short while he feels IT comming, so he gets his gun out and shots it! (forwards to next day)
The guy, limping, goes to see the ''professional'' and tells him what happened '' when i shot the friggin thing, my wife got scared, bit three inches off my dick, she crapped in my face, and my neighbour came out of the closet, naked with his hands up!!!''


-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 24 2006 @ 03:13 PM
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my favorite joke is....


yo mama, gahahahahaha (chokes) hgahahah....

yeah that was lame.



posted on Aug, 24 2006 @ 04:32 PM
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hahah JIMMY910130, those were great...

awesome job...



posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 08:47 AM
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just keepin it real

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 10:30 AM
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Ok I got this one the other day....

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office.....but she
belonged to someone else...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll
give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..

The girl said, " NO."

Johnny said, " I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor; you
bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend. She called her boyfriend and told him the story.

The boyfriend said, "Ask him for $200. Then pick up the money very
fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down."

She agreed and accepted the proposal. Half an hour went by and the
boyfriend was waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45
minutes the boyfriend called and asked what happened......

She said, "The b@stard used quarters !"


[edit on 25-8-2006 by dawgjay]



posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 11:22 AM
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hahahaha nice one!! okay i got another one, its a bit rude but here i go---One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his d*ck in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."

another one---It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "screw him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 11:24 AM
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This one might seem a little inappropriate, but we here at BTS know how to laugh---One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
He replies, "Mom, today I had sex with the teacher!"
Immediately she was angry. She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you. Go to your room!"
So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room. The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
"Great job son! How old are you 12? 13? How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son. Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My ass is still sore!"

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 11:29 AM
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and another---A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,
"OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person...
because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, this beef is between me and that little b*st*rd on your knee!"

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 11:33 AM
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and another!!!!!!---
One evening this drunk walks into a bar, sits down, and happens to notice a 12" tall man standing on the bar. Astonished, the man asks the guy next to him; "What the hell is that?"
The guy next to him replies "He's a pianist!"
to which the drunk replied "Yea right, your pulling my leg"
So the guy next to him picks up the 12" man, grabs some books, and props the little man up to the piano. Sure enough, this little man started hammering out all the favorite tunes of the bars' patrons.
Stunned, the drunk asks "That little guy is cool, where did you get him?"
The guy told the drunk how he had found a genie bottle out in the alley, rubbed it until a genie appeared, and was granted one wish. All of a sudden the drunk goes out the back door, finds the bottle, and starts rubbing it: when all of a sudden a genie pops out and grants him one wish.
In a slur, the drunk asks, "I wish for a million bucks". All of a sudden, the sky turns black and overhead a million ducks come flying overhead crapping all over him.
Angrily, the drunk runs back inside, slams the door and begins cursing, "You son of a b*tch, I found that genie bottle and wished for a million bucks and all of a sudden there are a million ducks crapping all over my new suit."
The guy started laughing and wildly exclaimed "You don't really think I wished for a 12" pianist do you?"

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 11:45 AM
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this one is only for the ppl that are tasteless in jokes----A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

BTW i would never do that to anyone! That is so mean!

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 11:58 AM
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I have mannnnnyyyy more but I will leave the chance for other ppl to be a part of this discussion too! If you like the jokes i am posting then tell me!

-Jimmy-



posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 12:06 PM
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posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 03:20 PM
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hahahahahaahahahahhahhahahaahahahahahahahah if i had votes left, i wouldve let you have one of them...DAMN! those were hilarious...where do you get all these? the best one was the drunk, office, and drunk guy...oh man, keep em commin!



posted on Aug, 25 2006 @ 03:36 PM
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I'll leave a few more then---There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."
The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."

-Jimmy-



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