I'll take a swipe at the piece the OP linked to. (CNN Article)
Engeris, bad "logic." and just a sort of substandard effort, in an 8th grade, social studies paper sort of way.
from CNN article
Autism. It's a word more often heard these days.
Woops. On the first sentence. I mean, the first complete
sentence. ("autism." is not a sentence). There are some serious problems:
-Beginning a sentence with a pronoun, that refers to the previous word/sentence, instead of just writing an actual
- passive voice: "is . . . heard." Whatever happened to the idea that journalism thrives on the active voice? Don't they even teach narrative any
more in journalism school? But let's move on.
- "more often heard these days." More often--what's that mean, twice? And what about "These days"? When are these days? Post-flood? The
holocene? Last week of July? In other words, this sentence carries NO information. It's just fluff.
Is Ms. Falco getting paid by the word? It sure looks like it. But in that case, she ought to start using bigger ones. These days.
from CNN article
But what autism actually is is probably less understood by the average person.
- is is? What's that, the double-passive voice. Or how about simply incoherent; yes. That's what it is is.
-"The average person." Hmmm. You're appealing to an authority you're not going to bother to define. Amazing. Still, you haven't said anything
that couldn't be more accurately referenced with the valley-girl phrase "you know what I mean."
For someone who may not have met a child with autism, the closest reference to what it is may come from the 1988 movie "Rain Man," where Dustin
Hoffman is rocking and counting toothpicks
Things you can learn from this paragraph:
- you may
have met a child with autism. Or not. Apparently, you might meet one and not know it.
- The phrase "what it is" indicates that this Article is actually written in Jive, rather than grammatical English.
- Apparently, Dustin Hoffman rocks.
It's not the presence of unusual behaviors, like spinning or hand flicking ... which a lot of people look for."
- Did you know that a lot of people in the world are looking for spinining and hand flicking? I've never looked for them personally, but Miriam
tells me a lot of people look for them, and can't seem to find them anywhere. . . . These days.
Moreover, there's no one type of autism.
Why did they make poor Ms. Falco write an article on autism? She doesn't even believe it exists!
The cause is still a mystery, but one that scientists have been unraveling more in recent years.
I'm confused. Just what exactly is unraveling? The mystery, or it's cause? Maybe, it's the scientists are unraveling. In recent years ... does
that mean AD as opposed to BC, or maybe it means "since the year 2005 . . ."
So what is autism?
Hell if I know Miriam! If you don't know either, why in the name of all that's good and holy are you writing an article about it? ! ?
Look, this is getting tedious, and I need to go out with some colleagues and drink my lunch. I'll jump to the end of the piece, which is rife with
Many questions are still unanswered. More funding is needed for the research and new therapies to help these children.
Damn straight, Ms. Falco. There are
a lot of unanswered questions. Particularly in the minds of of your readers!
You know it's one thing to talk like this to me on the phone or by email about a story you're researching. It's another thing to publish this
under your byline as the official product of a global news organization.
But that's the state of Journalism, these days.
All criticism aside, I have learnt one thing, at least:
Dustin Hoffman rocks.
(edit to include link to CNN article)
[edit on 1-8-2006 by dr_strangecraft]