Computing lessons for Australians

I am at present writing some lessons for australain computer users based on a conversation I had in the chat room. Here is a draft so far, of the first section...

Would people like to see more on this topic added here? as I know that a few australians manage to find their way to the site despite our efforts...


Taking care of your computer ... lessons for beginners...
First the screen ....
The screen is a sensitive piece of hardware and needs to be properly cared for. The monitor is made up of tiny elements called 'pixels'.

These pixels are very delicate. Be careful when moving your screen that the monitor stays upright. If it is placed down in another position the pixels can fall out of place and build up on the bottom of the screen.

This can also happen whenever a sharp knock to the screen occurs. The pixels buildup along the task bar in small untidy piles and the screen looses its brightness with black holes appearing in serious cases.
How to refresh your monitor...
When you find that you are losing pixels purchase a bottle of replacement pixels from any computer store. Pour the new pixels into the monitor through the holes in the top of the monitor.

Sometimes your monitor may develop a �resource leak� where pixels of a certain type may begin to leak out of the display and stain the monitor body itself. This is most common with orange pixels as they are the smallest and most slippery of the colors. It is best to keep a bottle of orange pixels on hand for refilling your machine on a monthly basis.
Images and your monitor
Viewing webpages on your computer can wear out your monitor faster than viewing normal text based pages. This occurs because the pictures used are often �pixel heavy� and weight more than normal pictures.

Sometimes you will find that the picture has been replaced by a white square with a red X in it. The picture may fall off the page because of its weight, or because it�s a new picture and not concreted into the code correctly. If too many pictures fall off a webpage at once your web browser may crash because of the combined weight of pixels. This happens frequently with Microsoft�s Internet Explorer.


[Edited on 31-10-2002 by Netchicken]

V.Funny!!

Can't wait to read the rest of it.

did i miss somthing? why just for australians? are you saying they are slow? or is it an inside joke?
-pardon me if i am slow i am american haha

Strewth wetdog: this is the last page of the book, ya drongo!
Waddya mean by "slow", mate?

she's a you-beaut little ripper, that yarn of yours. when ya gonna get on the ol' dog 'n' bone to some publisher blokes? blimey, she's hot enough out there to fry an egg on the bleedin' footpath. well, i'm so hungry i could eat a horse and chase the jockey, so catch ya's later

ahh, bonza stuff nc, learn me more!

stuffucanuse.com...

OK the page is up, I havn't oztrailianized the language yet, so most people should be able to follow it. Howver it will limit the australians who read it to those with edukashion

Includes feedback from 2 famous posters...

[Edited on 1-11-2002 by Netchicken]

ROFLMAO! Thats hilarious dude!!