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DOC: Duty : Dialog

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posted on Jul, 27 2006 @ 04:30 PM
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It’s the exhaustion that gets to me. Not like having to stay up late then get ready in the morning for work. This gets in your bones after days on end of just lying here, waiting.

Yeah, I know.

I really need to stretch my hands and relieve my eye Tony, get on the spotter scope and keep an eye on our friend will ya?

Sure.

What’s he doing now?

The same thing he has for the past three days. Walking around, looking at stuff. Man is this guy boring!

Yea Tony, I know, but this is the glamour you signed up for remember?

Right.

Tony, How many missions have you been on?

Four. You?

Six to date. Four as the shooter, two as the spotter. You ever have to shoot?

Nope. Have you?

No, thank God! This is all a game and you know it as well as I do. They send us out here to watch some low level Warlord, for what?

Because they told us too man. You know what the Suck is like; you’ve been in long enough now.

Yea I guess your right. Just seems like a real waste of time.

Yep.

Only one more day then out we go. You have the E and E plan ready?

Sure.

Chopper all the way right?

Yep.

Man Tony! You sure are the talker. “hahahahaha”

Right.

Could you stop cleaning your fingernails and get back on the scope? I have a killer cramp in my leg. My pistol is digging into it.

I got you, just keep down. Even in these Ghillie suits, he can see you if you stand up.

That’s crap and you know it, were eleven hundred meters out. What is he, an eagle?

“Hahahahaha’ OK, slip back and take your break now too. I’m on him.

WHEW! That’s better. I’m gonna go hit the head too while I’m up.

K.

Man that is so much better. Tony?

Yea.

You ever think about killing someone?

Not much. It’s just our job man.

I know, but sometimes it kind of freaks me out. You know what I mean?

Yeah I guess.

What is he doing now?

Just sitting there, got his feet in the pool. He looks all nice and cool.

Great, just great and here we are soaking in our sweat. Relax man; I’m back on the gun. Need to check the area.

That’s cool, I need a head stop too.

More like a hole stop. “hahahahahahaha”

Exactly.

I checked the area while you were gone. Clear just like the last two days.

I figured.

Check my wind for me will you; while I have him centered?

Sure. Three miles per; Right to Left. Better go a click.

Gotcha.

Getting dark, I’m going to pull the sixteen, get the night scope ready.

Go ahead; I’ll catch the log up.

Cool.

Turn your radio up Tony.

Why?

Just turn it up!

Man! They are calling you!

I got it.

Did I hear them right? WOW!

You heard it. They gave us the green. A go on the target.

What are you going to do?

What do you think?

I don’t know. I don’t know what I would do.

I know what I have to do.

What’s that man?

My Duty.

Semper




posted on Jul, 31 2006 @ 07:28 AM
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Good job translating your original version to dialogue. I wish you ahd been able to keep the first-person though. It was very powerful.



posted on Jul, 31 2006 @ 06:35 PM
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Thank You.

That means a lot

Semper



posted on Jul, 31 2006 @ 08:49 PM
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Well written, however for me with this particular conversation, I would prefer some setting and more descriptive writings. I can kind of sense the tension and emotions expressed, but I didn't think this worked as well being a dialogue, your original version really captured what you tried to portrayed and imo was excellent.



posted on Jul, 31 2006 @ 09:41 PM
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Thanks WW

The dialog was clumsy for me. I have written extensively yet never in that format.

(Well I write in my journal:lol
Nothing quite as glamorous as being published.

Thank you for the kind words.

Semper



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