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(DOC) What's Done Is Done

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posted on Jul, 21 2006 @ 03:47 PM
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“Can I talk to him?”
“Yes sir.”
“Hello.”
“…”
“I don’t think he can hear.”
“He can hear sir.”
“How do…”
“He responds sometimes when you-”
“No joke?”
“Yes sir…no joke sir. Sometimes, you know...he responds…you know, you can see it sir.”
“You can see it…in his eyes you can see it?”
“Well…not-“
“’Cause his eyes are…they’re…”
“I know sir.”
“They’re not very-“
“Yes sir.”
“Like he’s dead.”
“Yes sir…but I assure you-“
“Okay okay.”
“…”
“Hello. I am a General in the United States Army and you have landed on our property.”
“…”
“…”
“Our property, sir?”
“Isn’t it?”
“Well…it’s just…”
“What?”
“It’s just another planet to him sir and…you know, we don’t own the planet per se.”
“Well he doesn’t know that…”
“…”
“He…she? How do we know he’s a he?.”
“No you…we don’t know really.”
“So you didn’t find a…”
“…?”
“…a…”
“Sir?”
“A…you know…reproductive…”
“Oh no…nothing like that.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah.”
“What’s all this stuff?”
“Monitoring…they’re for monitoring sir.”
“What like heart rate and-“
“No. No heartbeat. No pulse. No breath sounds or…or internal sounds at all.”
“Then what the hell are you monitoring there doctor?”
“Good…good question sir we’re monitoring radiation.”
“…”
“There is none sir.”
“Crap son. Gave me a scare there.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“So they found it in the desert.”
“Yes sir.”
“How many were there?”
“Sir?”
“How many were out there?”
“Alive?”
“Sure.”
“Just this one, but there were bodies...”
“Bodies. How many?”
“Well…that’s the-“
“How many?”
“The last I heard…but it hasn’t been confir-“
“How many, son?”
“Two thousand, sir.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Sir?”
“…”
“There were prints too sir.”
“Like fingerprints?”
“No no. They don’t have those…but-
“They have fingers, son, look.”
“No prints sir, no ridges or…you know…it’s not the same.”
“What prints then?”
“Tracks sir. Track prints or, I’m sorry…Foot …or…you know, not like ours of course…what those are…footprints…there were a lot.”
“A lot…how-“
“There were…there…a lot… sir.”
“…”
"..."
"..."
“Please don’t smoke in here sir.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Do you have any kids, boy?”
“Sir?”
“Children. Kids.”
“Yes sir. Three sir.”
“They in the area?”
“No sir, they’re up north.”
“…”
“…”
“I tell you what son. You go topside and find my Gulfstream. My pilot will take you up…get you home.”
“…”
“…”
“Sir? I can’t-“
“I’m relieving you of duty son. Go be with your family.”
“I can't...What is this sir? What is…this?”
“…”
“Please.”
“…”
“…”
“They said they’d come back.”
“Sir?”
“Roswell son. We…um…”
“…”
“We found a bunch of ‘em and…”
“…”
“…you know…for science and what not…we did things to them.”
“…”
“…things you shouldn’t do to something that’s still alive…”
“…”
“…and the last one…he opened…I can’t explain it…the best I can say is that he...he opened his mind so we could hear it. And there were so many voices…so many. His whole race…his whole galaxy and everything in it and…and they were feeling his pain…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…and they were promising vengeance.”
“...”
“We all heard it. Every one…all of us heard it.”
“…”
“And now...”
“…”
“…”
“Sir?”
“Yeah?”
“I can take your jet sir?”
“…”
“Thank you sir. Good luck.”
“Get going son.”
“Yes sir.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“I know you can hear me. I know you can understand me. I’m a General in the United States Army and…for what it’s worth...”
“…”
“I’m sorry.”




posted on Jul, 21 2006 @ 06:42 PM
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What an excellent flow to your story...I loved it...



posted on Jul, 25 2006 @ 07:42 PM
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Good story my dear. I'm sure you'll do well in the competition. I'm just glad i'm not a judge in this one. The entries have been awesome, including this one.


wupy



posted on Jul, 28 2006 @ 10:03 PM
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Outstanding pace! I love how you used active silence, as well as dialogue to describe actions without describing actions, if you get my meaning. The line about smoking is a perfect example. It had a very realistic feel to it. Concise and abrupt, just like many conversations.



posted on Jul, 31 2006 @ 09:33 PM
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chilling!!! well written, nice style, I think you were very successful in setting the scene and providing description with just the conversation. Congratulations





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