So, I asked my tummy.. I said, option A? thought about it for awhile, it got upset. Okay, clear the head, now, option B? thought about it, and my
tummy's still upset.
So I said fine, screw it, I won't think about it anymore. I can't figure out an answer, so obviously I'm asking the wrong question. Been on this
kick for about a week..
My tummy was okay for about a day, then became upset because of stress.. the stress of not thinking about the situation, of denying myself the
confusion.. because I still don't know and I'm at a point where I'd really like to figure it out (beyond the frustration of just figuring out an
My current situation does not feel wrong. It just doesn't feel right, right now. (in fact, it's a very good situation, one that I feel lucky in
being in..) And yet, I feel too comfortable... and that confuses me as well. I cannot remember ever having a moment where I was uncomfortable with
comfort. I mean, the bed's comfy, then I have a good night's sleep. The chair's comfy, so I can sit peacefully.. Comfort, up until this point, has
been a *good* thing...
And I hate drama, so why introduce it? (The very thought of starting drama upsets my stomach..)
Then again, maybe the introduction's already been made in my head, and all I'd be doing is making it tangible...
In short, I don't know if the tummy thing worked. I might not be asking the correct question, or I might not be able (willing?) to hear the
In my opinion such is Life, and from experience it's a never-ending quest to attain a better understanding of ourselves and, hopefully, to become
that which we aspire to be.
This is half of my dilemna.. I don't know if I understand myself, or even know my self.. (I thought I did, but I'm never too sure... about anything,
really..) I know what I am at this very moment, and have recently decided not to rely on tomorrow (as, technically, tomorrow doesn't really exist..).
I learned to lean on the idea of tomorrow being better than today, the hope that something will work itself out. And that works, to a point. .. ish.
But the idea of 'tomorrow' doesn't really
solve anything. It just puts it off..
No, I'm not expecting a package that explains myself.. gave up on that too.
But I'm also not a big risk taker.. too much could go wrong, and I might not be able to fix it. Is that just 'life' as well? ...seems to me that
it'd only teach me not to take risks.. to think about everything until I'm certain what's necessary. That's what I'm doing, and instead of
walking my path, I feel like I'm sitting and pondering. I don't know where my origin really is, or, rather, when I was there I didn't realize it..
so I'm unsure of where to return to in order to find my path, my self, again..
And the more I think about it, the more uncertain I get about even thinking about it.. but I hate rash decisions..
[edit on 3-8-2006 by Diseria]