the illest rap battle ever

Look atchoo, foos!

Listen to these haters

Gangsta wannabees and mu-tu-al masturbators!

They think they rappin' their sox off

but their rhymes are just lamin'

No readers get their rocks off

They jus' laugh at this blamin'!

Hillbillies and pirates, typing fast ast they can

imaginin' virtual wheels, and coke by the gran'

Try to tell us they hip, that they're rappin fanatic;

but the truth is, they don't work-- they live in momma's attic.

Or down in the basement, right next to the furnace

They make up for whiteness by shoutin' in earnest.

Alien told us in space, no one hear you scream,

but even on the internet we see through your dream.

Stick to your day job, or at least try to find one---

Your rap is a snow job, and that word is a kind one.

Peas out.

.

Woah this is getting intense. A completely unknown contestant bursts in and disses like dat. We gunna take dat smack. Guess we gotta wait for a response to this unknown threat. Propz my neezies!!! YO DJ SPIN THAT!

BOOM BOOM BICKA BOOM BOOM BOOM CHICK CHICK BOOM.

You talkin' to me---was I speaking of you?

If a body's talkin' trash trash, do you assume that it's true?

To bad you're not famous, then I would give you your due.

And then you'd be a zillionaire, and could buy yoself a clue.

I guess the sayin' is true, the aphorism has merit.

I'm indicatin' your Afro-ism is rank

But if the shoe fits--wear it.

Now I cannot deliver this missive in iambic penta-meter

But don't be dismissive, you're off the ill-o-meter!

That's about all from me, I can't throw down wit' da best

I'll bow out for now, because brevity is blest.

I know my place, I retreat into silence

Don't noboddy grab ya mac, there's no reason for violence.

I'm jus' laughin at the rhymers gettin over heated

I'll leave the room--everybody stay seated.

.

Originally posted by dr_strangecraft

Look atchoo, foos!

Listen to these haters

Gangsta wannabees and mu-tu-al masturbators!

They think they rappin' their sox off

but their rhymes are just lamin'

No readers get their rocks off

They jus' laugh at this blamin'!

Hillbillies and pirates, typing fast ast they can

imaginin' virtual wheels, and coke by the gran'

Try to tell us they hip, that they're rappin fanatic;

but the truth is, they don't work-- they live in momma's attic.

Or down in the basement, right next to the furnace

They make up for whiteness by shoutin' in earnest.

Alien told us in space, no one hear you scream,

but even on the internet we see through your dream.

Stick to your day job, or at least try to find one---

Your rap is a snow job, and that word is a kind one.

Peas out.

.

Starts rapping:


I've been working

Grinding for this finish

Complete stuff overtime

Nevers stop till the job is done

You ain't been there

You ain't lived it

You don't know

How hard life can get

A lot of people

Especially the young

Get tossed up in this wicked world

Turn to drugs, robbery, and violence just to stay alive

I too was in the streets

I too have seen this deeds

Since being locked up

I've made my brain open up

Now I'm going successful

With a life that's not so stressful

But I'm not taking any crap

If someone disses, I'll throw in a rap

Bustin this tunes

As I sniff on the fumes

And for those who think they tougher then me

Just ask anyone who know me

Why'd ya think I got so much respect on this streets?

Why'd ya think I have made it this far

Everyone starts from the bottom

So did I

But not alot reach the level

That I am at now

Going up like an elevator

Anihilating my foes like a terminator

What can I do?

The only things I know to do!

And if I've been violent at times

You must know I'm what the streets made me

And before you get mad at me

You gotta understand me

Working is just one of things I do

I am in more stuff then you could imagine

I'm getting my cash

Spreadin in fame through the streets like a rash

And I may be trying to survive

But I am not scared of knowing that tomorrow I won't be alive

For life is like a light

It flickers and goes out

And you gotta do as much as you can

Before you pass out

So datz what I'm doing

Sittin on this streets, flowing

Bustin raps about my life and dreams

Before going out to buy new rims

And no matter how much you try

Your flow will never be as true as mine

And what you take a paragraph to write

I can write in just one line

To those older people out there

Being any older doesn't make you smarter, you hear?

You ain't been, there havn't done that

So don't try to hide behind a simple number called YOUR AGE.

And I have done alot in my life

But I havn't done everything

My main mission

Is to be a great Russian soldier

But besides that

I must also show how great Russia is to the world

With my flows

Which I bust from dusk until dawn

Writing new raps till my eyes close suddenly

Waking up in the morning with an album complete definetley

And I WILL keep working till I breath out my last breath

I will do my thing till my death

And those crooked cops can't scare me

I'm too smart, so now ya'll can't get me

Life is changing fast

Don't get left behind with the rest

And you must adapt to survive

And work to revive

Street life seems perfect

But only in perspective

Thug life seems stainless

But only for the brainless

And I represent my country

Put a knife through my throat

And I will still yell that Russia is the greatest country

As the last breath leaves my throat




*yawn* Ok, I think I'm gonna go to sleep. See ya guys tomorrow

Russian?

does your mother know your up this late on your computer?

But you are an American that wants to be African

sorry, no...im an English man that quite fancys being Jedi...no wait...a Dalek...no wait.....captain nemo.....no wait......popeye.

I dont quite think youve quite grasped the basic elements of rapping just yet....

its supposed to rhyme!.....

lets just analyze this...

Yo! What it do, who are you?......'what it do'?.....what does what do?

You are just a mix of Optimus Prime and Bobba Fett....Thanks!..that sounds cool.

Oh look at you, thinking you so cool that you from Star Wars..... yep..i was an ewok

Yet you got yo ass blasted......thanks for the offer but lets see your money first.

You never lasted!......lasted what?

Ya thinkin yo dissin is makin me pist....as in forcing you to drink?

But I'm about to sink your spirits.....get your own spirits, are you old enough to drink?

Cuz yo hatin is only gettin you hatin.....'hatin'?.....jeez, if your going to use my launguage can you do me the honor of learning to spell, thanks.

While I'm slayin....'slayin'...is that the same as 'sleighing' as in the winter sport?

Game playin.....'slayin' and 'game playin'?...good multi tasking skills.

Ho pimpin.....as in 'garden ho'?

Spinnaz spinnin ....'spinnaz spinnin'?....there was no need for an explanation there.

You ain't got no rhymes....not true, ive got 'mary had a little lamb' on 12"

You can't afford any merchanice......'what is 'merchanice'?...tell me and i'll see if i can afford some.

Your life is like Dice

Any minute you can get eaten like Mice....how are mice like dice?

And what you say about Pirahnas?.....

Homie, your only "pihrana is the Gold fish you got last Christmas....no that would be a goldfish, secrets in the name.

By the Santa Clause that you still believe in....is the one i believe in different from the one other people believe in?

Who, if even existed, would throw your "gift mailing address" into the garbage bin

Homie, you ain't even got no brain, only tin....

You function no better then 60 year old steel....you mean like those big old funtional steam trains, airliners, buildings and ships?

Homie do you feel? fine thanks, you?

I rap straight from da streets..what about a nice park or a shopping centre?

Rappin for Russia and stayin good with da West Coast at da same time...west coast of where?

And I ain't no hater .....good...hate leads to the darkside.

Just a baiter .....masturbater?

For punks like you.....

Who don't know better....dont know better what?

You think you rap nice.....it is true

But my rhymes will crush you like ice....brrrrrrrrr

I'm a soldier....no your not.....you just want to play army...real soldiers dont shoot people with air guns and wear cheap metal in replacement for perfectley good teeth.

But you just a boulder....i though i was a punk?....now im a large rock?

All da hos on me....

You can't even get hos by paying them.....no, i bought a 'ho' for the garden last week..a green one with a lovley pine handle.

Now don't you cry.....ok.

You not gonna die.......phew

Hell, without protection

In the sun you'll probably fry.....doesnt everybody?

When I speak my words echo.....are you in a tunnel?

Forever and ever

I'm gonna leave my mark......you havent wet yourself have you?

As the Russian that came out of the dark.....

And showed all yo haters what Russia was all about......its ok, weve seen it on CNN...and frankly it looks a bit rubbish.

And you can say what you want...its ok...i am?

But it is just rant

From your angry mind

Which has less brains then your behind......nope....ive only got tin.

I come at you like a missile....are you going to paint your body white and your head red?

Infrared beams flashin....i dont think infared flashes?

You can't fight back

You can't even correctly shoot a Mac!....what a 'mac'? why would i want to shoot a water proof garment?

I got respect from more people then you'll ever talk to.....354546456557?....jeez and i talk a lot aswell.

So, is there ANYTHING you can stand up to?

You know you are losing

That's why you are choosing

To send this angry rhymes.......(correction) 'To send THOSE angry rhymes'

which I laugh at like funny times ......'funny times'? is that a comical newspaper?

You could never take me on.....on what?

And neither could "your" cops.....my 'cops'?

which you call everytime

A little child steals your dime.......its euros and centimes hear chap...

The red sirens are flashing.......what the fire brigade?

But they ain't catching.....what do sirens normally catch?

Hell, I even got the Police Chief's head on my wall like a deer's.....the police chiefs head is like a deers?

Homie, how are you gonna live with all this fears?.....what fears exactly?

I take you like a piece of paper and crumble you.......i dont think paper 'crumbles' unless its really old....and even i can 'crumble' old paper.

Don't even look wrong at anyone I know or my mob will rumble you...your 'mob'?...do you mean class mates from your school?

And yes, I have an army......no you dont, children are not allowed armys.

All you got is your lucky charmy

You can never harm me

Not even when I'm having a hangover at a party.....im lucky i only get them after the party.

I'm a beast, a Predator

You are prey

And I'm surveying the jungle......YOU LIVE IN A JUNGLE?

And I'm about to find you.....i doubt that, im no where near a jungle...try my office

Tick tock goes the clock

Any second you gonna get crushed by a rock.....first ice, now a rock...jeez

And no one here is trying to be black

Except you

That's why you talke about it, silly you

Eating last New Year's yogurt......you eat 'yogurt' on new years eve?..is that a russian thing?

While I'm chewing on Australian Lobster tails.....try actually eating the lobster.

And I'm not greedy

I donate my money to feed the needy

The needy like YOU!......cool..how much are you giving me?

Who tell me "I hate you "

So now you know why you're being treated like poo....'even 'snoop' doesnt use the word 'poo'.

When you get knocked out, you take 24 hours to come through!.......well, be fair chap, ive had ice crush me, rocks fall on me and been mobbed by a large group of rowdy children that think their gangsters.

And don't take my word for it, you know the truth

And you can't save yourself lying in da booth.....isnt that the doctors job?...jeez...do i have to do everything?

You think you know me.....sorry, i only hang about with rappers.

But you only owe me

I'm a proud Russian

But you are an American that wants to be African.....(see top of page)

My verses attract hot nurses.....yes, its because they think your mentally ill and want to help.

While yours get you chased by horses!.....my hot nurses are being chased by horses? WTF?

And your dissing about my grill......only me and the rest of ATS.

Is only cuz you can't afford one....its ok...LYS is lending me his.

Hell

I don't think you can afford a "made from foil" one!

I listen to your boasts

With a smile on your face

Thinking you know the streets......why do you want directions?

When you don't even know the way around the house!.......which house?...the 'white house'?

Face it, your fake

You got hit in the face when you stepped on the rake......no, it was the dammed 'ho'

I could eat you like cake.....which way do you eat cake?

But I'd rather enjoy watching how many pennies you can make.....its EUROS and CENTIMES!...not pennies.

My rap album is on the way .....on the way to what?....psycho annalysis with the doctors that are dealing with your case?

But you sit broke and broken today

Starin at some hay......nope, the horse that were chasing the hot nurses ate that.

Thinking when you log back to ATS what you're gonna say

You say you're a doctor

But you can't even drive a tractor......thats farmers dude.



continued in next post....




[edit on 30-8-2006 by optimus fett]

[edit on 30-8-2006 by optimus fett]

the illest rap battle ever

You got the "ill" part right. I'm gettin' ill reading RS's rhymes, or should I call them raps because half the time his stuff doesn't even rhyme.

They're more like haikus or something.

Peace

Part 2 of 'SORRY? YOU APPEAR TO BE SPEAKING COMLETE DRIBBEL'!

You tuck your "paperclip made" chain in... ..tuck it in what?

Cuz you fear of being robbed......isnt every body afraid of that?

But you got nothing that is worth alot on you....no, im only wearing tons of cheap gold and my 'grill'....good observation.

Datz why dem thugz won't even rob you....what thugs?

I could just let you be......would you mind?

And play some game on my PSP........yeah...take a break from all this (ahem) quality rapping.

But I think its time you got a little punishment......is that a promise?

Since your parents never gave you enough punishment

And if you think its only my rapping that is good.....its ok....i never, ever though that.

Then boy are you fooled......nope...its crystal clear thanks.

Cuz I'm multitalented........it shows!

All my ideas have been patented

And your AK dissing is worthless

Cuz your only weapon is HARMLESS!.....how can a weapon be harmless?

And so, what exactly do you drive? AC COBRA, Audi quattro Turbo, My land rover discovery and My GF's Jeep Wrangler....check my cars out in 'members'

A honeybee hive?........WTF?

Or do they drive you?

Into a pile of poo

While I do what I do

Driving my Hummer through the drive through.......are you old enough to drive?

And don't try to pretend to me.....the though never crossed my mind and i could never dress or act that stupid without getting told off by grown ups.

I've been where you'll never been......a mental hospital?

I've been locked up.....who let you out again?....please re offend.

When I was little I was beat up.....that is also not suprising.

Got alot of fame

And rose in the Game

Now I'm the undisputed master......oh yes, definatley undisputed.

While you are having a staring contest with a pastor ......and i won.

And I can see the look on your face

You are turning red like you do when you tie your shoe lace

So just put that crap to rest

Cuz you ain't gonna fare any better then the rest

And let me remind you

That I'm like a god.......your greek?

And being even my inferior is something that you're not

And I ain't Eminem.......

Or Paul Wall......... finally were getting somewhere.

I'm a new breed of Gangster......no your an angry little man that is going to get the shock of his life if the army lets you in.

That drives enemies through the wall

A dark sky

A shimmering moonlight

Which is interrupted by noise

And glaring gun fire....you need a real gun to do that, the air psitol only makes for an embarrasing 'pop'

Your heart is beating ......thank the lord!

Your hands are heating

You start panicking badly

Knowing this will all end sadly......i think more sadly for you than me mate.

I come like a shadow

Go in and get out just as quick

And by the start of morning

All the haters' families are mourning


just a few little suggestions.....

1. Have you thought about taking up 'folk singing' instead?
2. Have you though about 'anger management' classes?
3. Have you thought about actually rapping about some thing real as opposed to dreaming you and your school buddys actually have guns and shoot cops whilst driving humVee's?
4. Have you thought about the fact you may get beaten up a bit in the army?

I think there's podcast material in these "raps", some more than others

[edit on 30-8-2006 by Prometheus James]

Originally posted by Dr Love
They're more like haikus or something.

Yaah! Haiku fight! That may be the single funniest concept I've heard in...forever.


As far as the rap battle, I think dr_strangecraft's kicked alla yo' fannies. (Could I be any whiter?)

you're rapping like fools
talking about jewels
so Implosion's here to bring
your dumb asses back to school

you ain't got no style
i think it'll be a while
before anything comes from your lips
that'll even raise a smile

who told you you could rap?
mate they were talking crap
all you do is act a muppet
who could really use a slap

little boys like you playing
get taken out each day
ain't got no time for rappers
who sound so freaking ghey

who you trying to kid son
think its big to talk about your gun?
a couple rounds with me
will send you running to your mum



[edit on 30/8/06 by Implosion]

As far as the rap battle, I think dr_strangecraft's kicked alla yo' fannies.

YOU IS SOOO WRONG
AND YOU PONG
AND I HAVE A MASSIVE SCHLONG,
SO BIG I COULD BANG A GONG,
ALL DAY LONG,
IN A THONG,
COZ ITS SOOOO STRONG.

deal with that home slice.

So you think you can rap?

[edit on 30-8-2006 by Lysergic]

Optimus, you never actually gave me a "rap" reply all you did was add "funny" phrases beside my verses.

Yukmouth raps about starting WW3, Tupac raps about hittin homies like an Avalanche, etc, etc, etc, etc...........so why can't I rap about shooting at cops while driving away in a Hum Vee? aka HMMWV ground mobility vehicle

I got an air rifle right now, but am about to get either a .45 HK USP or a .45 Glock through my street connections. Maybe I'll even wait till I'm 18 and legally get one at a gunshop. Either way, my arsenal is huge. And my homies DO own firearms. Not all of them, but many of them.

Your bs about me having a kid army is worthless: I got homies who are old enough to be your daddies! And me being 17 doesn't make me any weaker, stupider, or less respected

Anger management? I'll u2u you about that.

Anyway, you don't know what I'm about. Why don't you come to my hood and meet me or talk to somebody about me before you start your "opinions".

And don't you worry about me being in the Russian army, I got that covered. You don't need to make that your concern.


Peace out

C'mon guys. Rap! Too scared? Watz da matter? I'm just a Russian soldier.