Outside myself

I'm watching this from outside myself
Actions that play in their tired treads
No acknowledgement of imposing truth
Missing the moments when I lie to myself

Years passing by with no material difference
Or failing to understand when there is
Wrapping myself in the numbness
I've come to accept is me

How did I get this way
Was it a function of plan
Or happenstance
What is my solution
But to merely press on

I'm watching this from outside myself
Actions that play in their tired treads
I notice now the lies

There is hope still