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Poetry so bad your eyes will water

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posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 03:33 AM
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Brilliant! So catchy too. I was singing along to it this morning as I made a cup of tea. Have you thought of submitting your lyrics to Finnish Eurovision winners Lordi (aka the Reptilian Rockers)?

They won with catchy metal ditty Hard Rock Hallelujah.


Hard Rock Hallelujah!
Hard Rock Hallelujah!

The saints are crippled
On this sinners’ night
Lost are the lambs with no guiding light

The walls come down like thunder
The rocks about to roll
It’s the Arockalypse
Now bare your soul



I'd say in terms of 'Lordiness' you are cheek to cheek. Excellent work Mojo, I think you just took Kedfr's crown.


[edit on 15-6-2006 by nikelbee]




posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 09:21 AM
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Originally posted by mojo4sale
Congregating dreamers
Prophets of the year
Regulated schemers
Filling you with fear.

Regulated schemers
Opening the purse
Congregated dreamers
Prophets drive the hearse

Actually, Mojo, I kind of dig the imagery here....I have somewhat of this same idea once in a while--so it is hard for me to count your offering as completely 'bad' poetry.



Should you pass a leper begging in the street
Pay him with some morsels from your hands and feet.

And yet this part just totally grosses me OUT!

It reminds me a 'dead baby' joke.


I guess I should be glad the leper is not the one 'paying.' Even more yuk.

I'm really divided on this one, I'll have to consider my score for a while. I appreciate you coming out to play in the verbal scrapyard.

And--I want to say I totally dig your avatar! Did you create it? The concept is basically the same as mine, I think, but yours is way cooler!!



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 09:26 AM
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Iesu Grist, this reminds me of the reeeealllly bad poetry that I used to produce when I was young and thought that I was in love. Angst and all that!

I shall now reveal my inner geek by pointing out that at least it isn't as bad as Vogon poetry.



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 10:04 AM
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Darkmind - Why do you dangle the carrot of bad poetry in our faces, yet not share with us your bounty? As kedfr has demostrated - some of the world's finest 'bad' poetry was written in the throes of unrequited love. Actually I don't know if kedfr's paramour actually returned his affections. I'm guessing by the Keatsian poem on the duck card it was probably a no.

I should really have named this thread Vogon poetry.



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 10:08 AM
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Originally posted by nikelbee
and let's not mess with pets

That's right.



Your second petless poem gets a hearty 4.0 from me. Originally I gave it 3.75, but that extra .25 is from the chrome line which is too priceless to go to waste.

Thank you, thank you..

But doesn't 'catch and release' almost make the fishies into pets??


I keep getting this vibe about that chrome line, 'dylan thomas, dylan thomas,' but to be perfectly honest I'm only about 85% he is a poet and have never heard anything from him, I'm almost positive...

Does anyone know? Am I maybe picking up on some other transmission on my vibe-o-matic party line?



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 10:16 AM
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I'll try and dig it up from somewhere, lol. By the way, even Wordsworth could get it wrong. Didn't he once write about a pond? "I've measured it from side to side. 'Tis three feet long and four feet wide."
Or was that Keats? I need to look it up in my tattered copy of The Book Of Heroic Failures. Failing that there's always MacGonagal to fall back on...



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 10:25 AM
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Originally posted by nikelbee


Anonymous??!?!? They lied to me!!
That's me, wearing the yellow shirt!


Just kidding. I look jaundiced if I wear yellow.



Sounds like Scooby-doo, to me! A minor adjustment makes it scoobalicious!

It’s ree Arockalypse
Row rare rour roul

----------------------------------
Mojo this really sucks!
Good job!

I'm guessing you're about early to mid 30's? Huh? Huh?
Quiet Riot days - Twisted Sister inspired?

I can't find anything, at all, in these lyrics that I can call even okay...

I'm giving you a big fat 6!
--------------------------------
Masqua~

Anihuman (making words up for titles? that's an original approach!)

This really sucks, too. Bad. Excellent first entry....

I'm going to give you a 4.75, only as an incentive to bring out something even more heinous! If this wasn't your first poem, Mojo would have some stiff competition right now.

It's still going to be pretty close, I think.
-----------------------------------------------

I wish I had some more to offer, but I don't. Not that all my stuff is good---I just don't keep those skeletal odes in my muse's closet. 7 rips and they are officially put to rest in the rubbish basket graveyard waiting hungrily beside my desk....

What is wrong with you people? Keeping all this bad stuff--and for years! :shk:

What if something had happened, and like Emily Dickinson's brother (or was her sis?) a loved one goes through your stuff and somehow thought it was okay to publish? In your own name, no less!

Bards!! Throw your holy underwear away!





posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 10:28 AM
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Okay, I'm risking the exposure of my true bucolic nature...

What, or who, the heck is 'Vogon?



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 10:48 AM
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I want to add a really bad one if I could. I dont have it written down anywhere,but I cant get it out of my head its so bad.

The scratches that you left me
really are not that deep.
Its good that I dont lay on my back
cause I would'nt have got any sleep.
I know you said you loved me
and its tearing me apart.
Well you can scratch my back, baby,
just dont scratch my heart.

The rose that you gave me
died yesterday
and it pricked my finger deeply
as I was throwing it away.
I remembered you said you loved me
and its giving me a start.
well you can prick my finger, darling,
just dont prick my heart.

I hope you find that bad enough.



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 11:03 AM
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I got a fever
in my fat melon head
I'll be pulling that damn lever
until I'm plum dead.

Oh, why do I gamble my hard earned pay
Losing so horribly each and every dang day
In a room full of racket where I play
with nickels and quarters 'til my butt turns to clay?

Yeah, I got a fever
burning my brain
like a forlorn believer
I'll pull it again.

*snicker*



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 11:08 AM
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Originally posted by savagecupid
I want to add a really bad one if I could.

All bad bards are welcome! You and I are neighbors, too! I live in Carlsbad!


I dont have it written down anywhere,but I cant get it out of my head its so bad.
hmmm..... *raises one eyebrow* when, exactly did you write this?




Its good that I dont lay on my back
cause I would'nt have got any sleep.

That is really corny!



well you can prick my finger, darling,
just dont prick my heart.


Sexual overtones? Or is more like sleeping beauty?



I hope you find that bad enough.
Weeellllll.....
it'll do for a start. I'm going to give you a 4.5 and I want to see you back with some more...I know surely you can raise the bar.....I mean lower the bar....


And thanks for coming out and joining us today at the Bad Bard Barf-o-Rama and BBQ~



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 11:59 AM
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oh gee wizz.... the poetry is great! My eyes aren't watering at all!

I have one or two that are bad...so read and weep!
*spelling too is bad...oh farout, one thing to be crap at poetry but totally rank if spelling is out there too... (I took out the middle of the poem below cos spelling issue...too lazy to get dictionary OMG)
-------------------------------------------------

a child weeps
how soon we forget
the children of the war

no more pain, no more grief
the Angel takes the soul
to the clouds
where finally
peacefully it sleeps
a child is dead
lest we forget
the children of the war

------------------------

the sun shone onto her face
just as an Angel looked down
her smile lit up the sky
the Angels sang with joy
a pure heart
so rare
so hard to find

makes mental note: add more here

forgotten the rest...pooop

well...pretty bad cant remember half of them...but could be a good thing.




posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 12:20 PM
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Originally posted by masqua

Oh, why do I gamble my hard earned pay
Losing so horribly each and every dang day
In a room full of racket where I play
with nickels and quarters 'til my butt turns to clay?


Masqua -

This is a perfect illustration that sometimes interesting concepts don't work as well in practice as we think they will.
But we have to get them out right away or like savagecupid, they haunt our heads (Welcome savage!) Them someone like me comes along and asks you to show your shameful scribblings.

I will give you a 3.75 masqua - as I feel you are still holding back. Or maybe like Queenannie and myself, you have burned all your bad poetry, lest someone publish our paltry offerings while we are on our deathbeds.


Savagecupid

I give you a nice 4.25. Your poem was quite visceral. I like these lines.



Well you can scratch my back, baby,
just dont scratch my heart.


And again



well you can prick my finger, darling,
just dont prick my heart.



Excellent work. I love this thread!



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 12:35 PM
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Duze my friend, I promised you 'Orwellian' poetry, so here goes. Oh, btw Queenie, Vogon Poetry is the 'third worst in the known universe,' from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Ours would be the worst.


Nikelbee's Orwellian poem

Jimmy Dean


I wanna tell you a story about a pig
And it’s the Ham I'm
*Talkin' about
It's my ham!

It grows in a farm by the lake
near a pond
And when it dies by your hand
It's Gone.


(* must be read in a southern accent for full effect)


[edit on 15-6-2006 by nikelbee]



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 12:51 PM
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NJ - Hi and thanks for joining Bad Poetry Anon, here is your button and your free cup of coffee. I am sorry to say that your first poem has been disqualified as being 'not so bad' rather than 'so bad it hurts'. Also, your choice of topic is one most of us hold close to our hearts, thus it wouldn't be fair to count it.

Your second one however, is fair game. After running upstairs to brush my teeth from the intense sugar overload, I gave it a solid 4.0.

Please tell me there was no duck or other animal card associated with this...




the sun shone onto her face
just as an Angel looked down
her smile lit up the sky
the Angels sang with joy



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 01:57 PM
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Originally posted by queenannie38
Mojo this really sucks!
Good job!

I'm guessing you're about early to mid 30's? Huh? Huh?
Quiet Riot days - Twisted Sister inspired?

I can't find anything, at all, in these lyrics that I can call even okay...

I'm giving you a big fat 6!
--------------------------------


Thanks Queenannie, your close, im 40 and believe it or not still have my quiet riot and twisted sister albums as well as Krokus(remember them, if not google it) ufo, europe(the final countdown), scorpions. Ok im going to stop now. The thing about those lyrics that makes me laugh now is the amount of times i manage to get metal into it. dedicated to the steelworkers of the world lol.

And i was serious when i said that i have even worse tucked away at the back of a cupboard at home(never to see the light of day again).

Cheers
m4s



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 02:05 PM
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Nik darling, thanks so much for the poem.


True to my word, I have whipped up a little something just for your thread, which is great by the way. I don't know if it lives up (or down
) to the standards everyone else has set, but I'm still farily new to this poetry thing and I'm sure I can do worse if given more time.

Be kind, muse of mine.


Ode to My Kittycat

Harriet, sweet Harriet, my fuzzy little cat
I love you a lot but you’re getting kind of fat
You can only have half of your Purina Cat Chow
Or else people will think you’re not a cat, but a sow

You shed so much I’m surprised you’re not bald
Leaving your hair wherever you’re sprawled
Maybe this summer, if I’m feeling quite brave
I’ll hold you down and give you a shave



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 03:56 PM
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Originally posted by Duzey


True to my word, I have whipped up a little something just for your thread, which is great by the way. I don't know if it lives up (or down
) to the standards everyone else has set, but I'm still farily new to this poetry thing and I'm sure I can do worse if given more time.



Duzey my dearest. I have tried hard to find fault with your feline poem and aside from the fact that if you replace cat with old wife it still works (!) I have nothing but good feelings about it. I didn't howl with laughter or shed onion tears i'm afraid... alas you are too good for us. Please don't be down about this - we all secretly hate your ability to rhyme and we are just envious. Ok, (I) am envious.


Nil Point for Duzey!


Harriet, sweet harriet, my darling little wife
I love you a lot but you're giving me strife

You can only have half of my paycheck
Or else people will think i'm your pet reject

You demand so much I’m surprised I'm not bald
Racking up bills wherever you’re sprawled
Maybe this summer, if I’m feeling brave
I’ll hold you down and make you my slave

Ok - Maybe not...


[edit on 15-6-2006 by nikelbee]



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 04:17 PM
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I'll try harder next time, really I will. Don't be envious of my ability to rhyme, I can't write poems that don't. I'm never sure if they are poems or poor paragraphs with incomplete sentences. :shk:

I've used the pain from my rejection in the Bad Poets Society to inspire me to lower levels, sans rhymes. Maybe I can get a .75 this time?


Your words cut
Straight to the bone
I’ve only known pain like this once before
But that was gas



posted on Jun, 15 2006 @ 04:57 PM
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Duze - That's more like it! You get a 1.25 for potential badness in the making and a nametag and a cup of coffee. Welcome to Bad Poets Anonymous, where your poetry makes a difference.

I have consulted the Great Oracle Google about what makes a 'bad' poem.

But first a quote from Oscar Wilde, who said, 'All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.' We must always remember that. It is the intent which makes us awful.



To achieve memorable badness is not so easy. It has to be done innocently, by a poet unaware of his or her defects. The right combination of lofty ambition, humorless self-confidence, and crass incompetence is rare and precious.


I am batting a 3 out of 3 on this one and I know some of you are as well.

This website in particular has a list of famous poets gone wrong.




"My childhood days have passed and gone,
And it fills my heart with pain
To think that youth will nevermore
Return to me again.
And now kind friends, what I have wrote,
I hope you will pass o'er,
And not criticize, as some have done,
Hitherto herebefore.

from Julia Moore - (notorious bad poet)


I also found a hilarious site about Jewel - remember her? Folk singer/poet? Well she wrote a book a poems and here is a sample.




Las Vegas

Women who suck
their cigarettes
as though they were
giving their
hatred head
- Jewel





William McGonagall

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time...more


Go here for more bad poetry...

Oops forgot link.

[edit on 15-6-2006 by nikelbee]



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