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Gay marriage. Your View?

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posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 10:08 AM
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Originally posted by jbondo
I can see this board is loaded with liberals.


Typical, we don't agree with you, so we are all liberals. I for one am a moderate.
Just because you think something is a sin doesn't mean everyone else in the world should think it's a sin as well.

There is a constitutional seperation of religion and state. I don't feel like we should base this decision on religious ideas and beliefs.


[edit on 9-6-2006 by snowflake_obsidian]



posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 10:58 AM
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As others have said, gay people have just as much right to be miserable asthe rest of us lol. I really don't care if they get married or not, if they love each other then yeah let them go for it. I honestly think though that there are more important things in this world to be getting on with.

For everyone that calls me a liberal for beleiving this, well i am and i am not. Crime i'm conservative, other stuff i'm liberal, i never understood people who were liberal or conservative on everything.

What is stopping gay marriage? If you look at it then it's really religion and in my opinion religions should no longer dictate our laws.



posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 11:17 AM
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Up here in Canada we have redefined the definition of marraige and legalized gay marraige completely...

I know a bunch of Gay people I went to school with some and even my parents are freinds with a gay couple they use to work with as well as a lesbian couple. Now they like the idea of getting married and are going to no problems here it has not destroyed our society and certainly has not effected the way I live my life.

I beleive that every human being no matter skin colour, beleifs, sexuality.....should have all the same rights and priveledges as the next in a free society. Everyone is entitled to freedom and liberty.

This issue is a perfect example of why religion and state must stay seperate whether people like it or not you can agree to disagree but I find those people who do not support are generally from religeos backrounds.



posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 11:32 AM
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Originally posted by The_Doctor
This issue is a perfect example of why religion and state must stay seperate whether people like it or not you can agree to disagree but I find those people who do not support are generally from religeos backrounds.


Well said, Doc! This has been my observation as well. And this might be a good time to mention that people who object to gay marriage (or whatever) based on religous beliefs have every right to do so. Their Church may choose to not perform gay marriages, the religion may choose to ban gay people from that religion. All of these actions are completely separate from provisions in secular law. The government has no more place telling a particular religion it must approve of gay relationships and marriage than it does saying a religion must not approve and accept such.

Which brings up another point. Given that most if not all objections to gay marriage are religously based, then banning gay marriage is also a violation of the First Amendment to the US Constitution:


Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; ...


Source

Now, this amendment is often erroneously interpreted to mean no religous symbols on public property, or no prayer in school, or some such. I respectfully submit that this amendment means the government is to not favor one religion over another. Therefore, since most objections to gay marriage are religously based, and not all religions have such objections, to codify in secular law a ban on gay marriage would be to favor those religions that object over those that don't. Hence, a violation of the First Amendment.



posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 01:48 PM
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ZT - I'm truly sorry that you have such a low opinion of other gay men just because of the few experiences you had with them - You did say you could count on one hand the # of partners you had in another thread - Maybe you were looking in the wrong places - maybe you just never met 'the one' - I think you just gave up too early and gave in to the pressure society puts on gay men to 'stop' being gay. (like on southpark when kyle tells his gay dog sparky "Stop being gay boy - Don't be gay sparky! good boy" - then the dog puts on a pink collar and runs away) You have been sucked in by the religious propaganda and guilt trips that say GAY MUST EQUAL SLUTTY - yet you don't feel 'slutty' - so why must 99.99999999 percent of the other gay men be that way? You're above that (and should be applauded for it) but why is it so hard for you to think that other gay men can't be above it too?

I can count on ONE FINGER the number of partners I've had - We've been together for 5 years and neither one of us has to go outside our relationship to get 'satisfaction' - We WOULD be married if we could be -BUT NOT IN A CHURCH - to me, that would be like a Black couple wanting their reception at the KKK's clubhouse. I have no need/desire for any whacko religious nutjob to 'approve' of my spouse - AND THAT'S WHAT HE IS! my spouse! not my 'significant other' not my 'friend' not my 'roommate' - we live and act JUST like any "NORMAL" heterosexual married couple (whatever the heck 'normal' means anymore) Except the only diffenece is I'll probably have to call him my "boyfriend" instead of Husband for the rest of my life because too many people are just plain 'icked-out' by two guys that want to share the rest of their lives together.

I met my 'friend' through Yahoo personals - we talked for 4 months before EVER meeting each other in person - and we waited almost a year before we had those 'icky-icky relations' that seem to just gross everyone out - so, does that mean I have to learn to 'keep it in my pants' ? Tell me the sins I've commited against others. I have not cheated on him - I have not lied to a girl so I could 'be' with her to 'prove' how un-gay I am - I have not hid under the protection of the bible so I can sit high upon a pedestal and judge everyone else around me - I am happy with my boyfriend and I love him - he loves me - we're not molesting children, we're not having orgies, and neither one us has a disease. God has not personally complained to me about my being gay, so why should anyone else?

I don't get it - the constitution says I should have the same rights - I'm not hurting anyone - I don't know what it is I'm supposed to do to 'ruin the sanctity' of anyone else's marriage if I'm ever allowed the same dignity (I still cannot find a copy of this "gay adgenda" I'm supposed to be following, do they sell it a Barnes and Noble?) - What's going to happen if one of us get's sick or dies? My family's OK with us, but his family is still RABIDLY against any kind of relationship between 2 men that doesn't involve sports or hunting - so what's going to happen if he gets sick? will they be able to keep me from seeing him in the hospital? will they be able to override any decisions he's told me to make for him? Even with Wills and Power of attorney I can still be pushed out of my relationship because we're LEGALLY only seen as "really really good friends" - JUST FRIENDS! How would ANY straight couple feel if either one of them had to refer to the other as "just a friend" - pretty ticked off I assume.

Banning gays from marriage is discrimination under our Constitution and more simply, it's just plain bigotry, no matter what 'morals' or 'religion' you use to back it up -

If you don't want a gay marriage, then don't marry someone of the same sex -

If gay people being married 'ruins' your marriage - get divorced.

BUT DO NOT DENY ME THE RIGHT TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES ALL THOSE DIVORCED STRAIGHT PEOPLE MADE!!!!!!



posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 03:21 PM
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Homosexuality isn't a "choice" it's part of being a human being. Just like race, gender, or any other thing that makes a human an individual. And like every other situation in the history of the US where those in power try to mark off lines denying rights to others based on nothing more than they are somehow different (sufferage, civil rights movement...) the powers that be will fail and humanity will win. When will they learn?



posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 06:21 PM
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Originally posted by semperfortis
1st, Marriage is not a "right" in any context. Exactly like a Drivers License one must first obtain a License to be married (Non religious sectarian view point), that means you can possibly be denied the license. That by very definition, make it a privilege granted by the individual state. NO one, hetero or Homo sexual has the RIGHT to be married.


Oh, I disagree. Do you consider voting a "right"? Because you have to register to vote and you can possibly be denied.

See Open_Minded Skeptic's post here:
www.belowtopsecret.com...



Amendment IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.


Source: US Constitution

The fact that marriage is not defined as a 'right' in the Constitution doesn't mean it's not a right and the fact that a license or registration much be accomplished first doesn't mean it's not a 'right'.



posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 11:11 PM
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Originally posted by SKMDC1
Homosexuality isn't a "choice" it's part of being a human being. Just like race, gender, or any other thing that makes a human an individual.


I am sorry but I happen to know you are wrong. Some people do not have a choice, but some people do have a choice. Lets say you are at the peak of your sexuality, and on top of that have a way above average labido. Then lets say you have a self-esteem problem due to appearance, women sence it and wont give you the time of day. You get so all you can think about is sex, but stay a virgin until you just cannot stand it.

Then you find that some gay men do not care about you being over weight or whatever your appearance problem is, all they care about is your genitalia. Flesh is flesh, its either go ahead and experience the touch of another human or rape someone. Your moral values wont let you hurt another person so you give in and have sex with gay men. You then get used to it and it becomes who you are.

You made a choice.

Maybe if you held out long enough, you would have found a woman that understood you and finally were touched by another human, and thank your higher power it was a woman, the gender you wanted to be with all along.

This was me. I lost the weight, met that woman just in time and gained enough self-esteem to become a Firefighter. Who knows how many lives I have saved, and I know if I had made the wrong choice, personally I would never have had the self-esteem to even think about Fire/rescue. It is about choice in a lot of cases. Some are born into it, some are not. For those that are not, a society that frowns apon that behavior may hold out long enough to make the right choice.

I am sorry to break this to you, but the love for the oposite sex really does have greater depth than same sex love, it is just the way nature works. I love my friends, but the love I have for my wife... together we can create life.... this vessel that holds a soul... it means more than man on man sex.... more than man on man love.

Together we create life....

[edit on 9-6-2006 by LoneGunMan]



posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 11:34 PM
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Originally posted by LoneGunMan

I am sorry to break this to you, but the love for the oposite sex really does have greater depth than same sex love, it is just the way nature works. I love my friends, but the love I have for my wife... together we can create life.... this vessel that holds a soul... it means more than man on man sex.... more than man on man love.

[edit on 9-6-2006 by LoneGunMan]


This is merely your view. You find that the love for the opposite sex has greater depth and meaning because you were never really attracted to other men in the first place. How about men and women who find absolutly no attraction to the opposite sex at all?

Also, people do the deed and make children every day, and a lot of times there is no love involved in that process what so ever. A homosexual couple can raise a child together and I would think that is just as special to them, even if it is an adopted child or a child concieved by other means.



posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 02:54 AM
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hey LoneGunMan when does having sex have to do with your sexuallity, because the act of having sex is yes a choice unless you are being raped. But your sexuallity is not a choice for most people, I guess except you, because for most people it is what that feel in side that are attracted to. I'm a lesbian have known since I went through puberty, when all the other girls where looking a guys and I had no feels for them. The thought of sex with my wife sounds great, but the thought of sex with a man makes me want to hurl. Now if you go ask about any straight man that knows that he did not choice his sexuallity one day for fun, they would say the same thing

I also would love to if I could get legally married to my wife so that I would not have to worry the rest of my life about if something where to happen to her and there was a medical decision I could make or that her family would not allow me to see her in the hospital. LoneGunMan have you ever thought if you were in that postion with you wife and you could not make a decision for her or could not see her what it would do to you. You should put yourself in someone else's shoes for a while.



posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 09:01 AM
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But first, credit where credit is due:


You have voted paulthefourth for the Way Above Top Secret award.

What a heartfelt, passionate, yet perfectly reasoned post. I salute you.


Originally posted by LoneGunMan
Some people do not have a choice, but some people do have a choice. Lets say you are at the peak of your sexuality...

I know you're speaking from personal experience, but the kind of thing you describe reminds me irresistibly of sailors and prisoners, men who are generally heterosexual but who have sex with other men out of simple frustration when women aren't readily available. If that is the kind of thing you mean when you say some people have a choice, well, it's probably true for those men under those circumstances (and to adolescent males in the circumstances you describe) but it's not at all relevant to the issue of gay marriage. People who want to espouse others of the same sex have little in common with hammock-tanglers and soap-droppers for whom needs must when libido drives. Rather, they are people who stand well to the left of centre along the continuum of sexuality -- helpless homosexuals, if you like. They don't have a choice.

But even if they did, what business have other people got interfering in their choices anyway?

And now -- to digress a bit -- I must say I'm horrified to see what derogatory, almost defamatory weight the term 'liberal' has acquired in today's America.

jrondo says the board is 'loaded with liberals' and several members, seemingly afraid of being so branded, protest at once that they are really moderates, part-time conservatives and so on.

Well, I'm a liberal. A liberal in the proper, nineteenth-century British sense of the word, not a socialist hiding my true beliefs under a blanket of euphemism, as is the case with so many American 'liberals'.

What is a liberal, really?This short FAQ supplies some good answers. Liberalism isn't socialism, it isn't communism and it isn't about parading your bleeding heart either. True liberalism is a tough church -- a lot tougher than conservatism, which coddles the mind and clouds the thinking.

I disagree with jrondo: this board is no fuller of liberals than it is with conservatives. I think all sorts are well represented here. Which, speaking as a true liberal, is just the way it should be.



posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 10:10 AM
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Originally posted by LoneGunMan
I love my friends, but the love I have for my wife... together we can create life.... this vessel that holds a soul... it means more than man on man sex.... more than man on man love.

Together we create life....


So... my husband and I - together cannot create life. Is our love 'less' than that between you and your wife?

Really, applying your opinions about love, sex and relationships to everyone is quite closed-minded. To me, the making of another life is the last thing I want to do with my husband. It's something some people choose, but just because YOU think it defines love for YOU, certainly does not mean that it's the same or should be the same for everyone else.

Of course, I think the love in my marriage is the best I've ever known and I doubt many other people have a love so wonderful, but I realize that I'm biased and I don't apply my criteria to everyone else.



posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 11:01 AM
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OK choosers - if it's a choice, then give me my little blue pill - I WANT to be straight - I prayed for that for years! I would love to know what it's like to see some big old jiggly breasts and be at least .01% interested in them - I really want to know what it feels like to see an attractive lady and get that tingling feeling in my pants, feel my heart flutter and face flush when I see a female that is deemed 'sexy' by society - But that has yet to happen. . . EVER!
Who wouldn't want to fit in? feel accepted by most people around them? Not have to pray to god to take these feeling away or go on and let them die? Not cry themselves to sleep for 7 years straight because they didn't want this "thing" inside them, not flunk out of college becuase they never slept, felt so nervous around all those new people - wondering "who thinks I'm a fag?" - "If someone suspects it, will they be OK with it, or will I get the sh*t beaten out of me?" - "who can I tell, where can I go? will campus security help me out if I ever need it, or will they just join in on a good old fashioned fag-stomping?"

So - I never came out - never told ANYONE - went to a psychologist for depression but couldn't even bring myslef to tell them about my "attractions" because I felt I would instantly be judged "defective"- I was afraid if I EVER told anyone, it would get back to my parents or friends and I would be rejected by all - So when asked, I claimed to be Asexual, not interested in either sex, never 'horny' - the whole time knowing I'd go down on a good-looking guy or let him do whatever he wanted to me because I was craving another guy so bad - NOT ONCE DID I LEAN TOWARDS THE LADIES - I wasn't mad at girls for not being attracted to me, because I would have just turned them away if any ever hit on me. To me, a female looks like a guy that was in a horrible accident, and they just couldn't 'sew it back on', so they left it off and put two globs of fat on their chest for some weird reason.

Even during my teenage years, going through puberty - I ALWAY knew I was drawn to the male form, their smell, their muscles, their scruffy faces with 5 o'clock shadow, deep vioces, - I grew up FAT too- and UGLY, but never did I feel like I was attracted to/wanted to be with, but was rejected by the ladies - I also never persued any guys because I didn't know any other gay ones - I didn't even know what "gay" was - I went to school with farmers, rednecks, potheads, muscleheads, sports-nuts and religious fanantics - I knew there were guys that acted like ladies, and vice versa, but I had no idea that a 'guy' could be attracted to another 'guy' and that there were people doing just that in big cities and even down the road in my little town because they had to hide like mole-people.

I felt I WOULD have been rejected by the guys had I decided to 'try something', because I felt that NO OTHER guys would do that, no other guys were interested in other guys 'parts', but I was - GOD I WAS!!!!- I had dreams about guys, no ladies were ever in 'em - I was jealous of the girls that had boyfiends because I wanted to be that close to another guy, but even though I'd never heard of 'gays' and 'fags' or 'bashings' I still had this feeling in my gut that if I EVER acted on my feelings, I would surely become and outcast, maybe even have the living crap beat out of me - there was no talk of homo's back then, I didn't even know what Faggot meant untill I was in 11th/12th grade, I knew it meant something like 'sissy' or 'wussy', but I didn't know that 2 men 'getting it on' was even an option or had ever happened in the history of mankind. I felt so alone and like I was THE ONLY ONE that felt like that.

From all that stress - I went bald at 20 - hospitalized for depression by 23 - hospitalized for stress at 26 and had to have 3 feet of intestine removed because they had basically eaten themselves from the inside out -

Does ANY of that sound like a choice to anyone in here?



posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 12:51 PM
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so because of all that, I stayed a virgin till I was 28 - Did I give myself enough time to 'figure out' I was really gay?

Did I still make the wrong 'choice'?

Would it have been better I tricked some girl into thinking I was attracted to her, so I could 'get some' - be able to brag to my friends about that 'piece' I got - just so I could stand atop some 'heterosexual' pedestal and let it be known "I'm ONE OF YOU NORMAL PEOPLE! - YAY FOR STRAIGHT SEX! - IT'S SOOOOO AWESOME!"

Oooooh, how about if I'd tricked some girl into marrying me so I could have LEGAL DOCUMENTED PROOF of my heterosexuality? How about the 2.7 children I'm supposed to pop out? THEN I'D HAVE PROOF ON A BIRTH CERTIFICATE that I "GOT ME SOME TANG" - Would that have been enough to 'proove' how straight I was? how "worthy" I was to fit in with the rest of society?

WELL IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY - who's it fair to? would you want someone to say they loved you, marry you, had children with you, and years later find out they had been repulsed by the sex and not attracted to you physically for all that time JUST SO THEY COULD FIT IN??!!??!!??

Would you want that to happen to you? probably not - but because of the way Gays are stigmatized and demonized, gay people feel they have to do that stuff every day - Pretend, Hide, Lie, Put on that Happy Face, Try not to throw up when having the only 'approved' kind of sex -

I'm not 'proud' to be gay - I don't think I'd be 'proud' to be straight if I were - In fact, if it weren't for gay people, straight people wouldn't have anything to be 'proud' of -

I am proud of one thing - I may have lied for years about what I was inside, which only hurt me - BUT NEVER HAVE I LIED TO A WOMAN, Tricked her into something just so I could prove my masculinity to someone else - Being gay is embarassing enough, but being a 28 year old virgin is a DOOZY of an embarassment to put up with.

Now I'm 32 - I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, faithfully - We want to get married - but that's just not an option - We don't have enough money to move to Mass, and the winters are colder than a witch's tiddy in a brass bra up there anyway.

Dispite the rumors, we don't have "all that extra money because they don't have kids" - We aren't this ideal 'fabulous' set of gays that get to jet to exotic locals and go to high fashion clubs and induldge in the gay 'decadence' that everyone thinks gays get to enjoy -

I would like to have children one day, but I still don't know If I'm ready to raise a child in this world when I know he'll be picked on for having two fags for daddies - Who's fault is that? Mine for being so 'weird' - or the world's for being so intolerant?

When "ALL" the gays get judged as slutty, drugged-up, partying fools, constantly 'sexed-up' perverts, child molesters, and strung out drag queens - Think about what might make people like that? Would years of opresssion and self loathing make for a well adjusted adult? Would knowing you're different, but couldn't do anything about it make you turn out to be a perfect citizen? Would knowing you're THIS different and pretending to be straight to fit in make you content or drive you completly nuts?

So, before anyone hops on the "I'm striaght, therefore better than you" bandwagon, or the "I'm gay, but refuse to be a part of 'that'" pity patrol - Think about who makes us 'like that' -

If we were free to live our lives as we see fit - and be treated equally for the things most people take for granted, Dont' you think that would make us better people? Not having to hide, or pretend to be something we're not, - we could be regular members of society - productive members of society - well adjusted people that just happen to be of a different sexual oreintation -

It's NOT being gay that makes us the 'monsters' we're portrayed to be - it's the way we get treated that turns us into these 'monsters' that right-wing-chicken-little is so afraid of.



posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 04:10 PM
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Thank you PaultheFourth for being so courages in telling your story. Maybe your story will help let some people experience what it is like to be in your shoes for awhile. I wish that you would of been as lucky as I was in finding my true love earlier in life. I was 21 and have been with her for 7 years in september. If I did not find her that early in life, my life would of been much like yours. But I did actually do things that would make me sick at my stomach to seem normal when I was young. when I was younger I dated a couple of guys, but I never would stay long with them, because I could never take the relationship any futhur. So I stayed a virgin till I meet the love of my life. I do not want it to seem like I dated guys and then found a girl and had sex and stayed with her. I did know other girls and became very close with them and there was a girl that I was very close with during my senior year in high school, that at the time I thought I could be in love with, but because I never said I was in love, but thought I was, I know it was not the real thing. So I held off on having sex till I met the love of my life. It was always important to me to wait for the women I was going to spend the rest of my life with. So me waiting to have sex is a choice, but me wanting to spend my life with a women is not(that is for LoneGunMan)



posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 05:00 PM
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Originally posted by paulthefourth

Would it have been better I tricked some girl into thinking I was attracted to her, so I could 'get some' - be able to brag to my friends about that 'piece' I got - just so I could stand atop some 'heterosexual' pedestal and let it be known "I'm ONE OF YOU NORMAL PEOPLE! - YAY FOR STRAIGHT SEX! - IT'S SOOOOO AWESOME!"

Oooooh, how about if I'd tricked some girl into marrying me so I could have LEGAL DOCUMENTED PROOF of my heterosexuality? How about the 2.7 children I'm supposed to pop out? THEN I'D HAVE PROOF ON A BIRTH CERTIFICATE that I "GOT ME SOME TANG" - Would that have been enough to 'proove' how straight I was? how "worthy" I was to fit in with the rest of society?


Now from my earlier posts i hope you can see that i support gay marriage and to be honest i don't care if anyone is gay or not. What really annoyed me was the way you portrayed heterosexual life. You complained that people think of homosexuals as having tons of money and living the jet set lifestyle and yet you made generalizations of heterosexual lifestyle.

You basically made us all out to be shagging, disgusting, bragging, little morons. Not every straight guy goes out and brags about his latest sexual encounter.



posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 05:35 PM
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How sweet you found only one fault!!



posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 06:24 PM
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Originally posted by cashlink
How sweet you found only one fault!!


I focused on one point you condescending little.......ok ok calm calm, breath. Ok i'm fine.



posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 09:27 PM
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Originally posted by CORTARA
But I did actually do things that would make me sick at my stomach to seem normal when I was young. when I was younger I dated a couple of guys, but I never would stay long with them, because I could never take the relationship any futhur.



Sick to your stomach?


You are stating men are gross? Wow, thank you for that we really appreciate it.

This born to be gay campaign is a trip, did I state this is the case with all people? No I did not, I stated it is the case with some and some it is not. The reason this you are ONLY born into it is going to make some people that are on the edge go into a direction that is a hard life. Like CORTARA saying men make her sick to her stomach.

Benovolent Heratic, I did not mean to offend you about the we make life statement. Procreation is not the end all to me either, I think we have too many people anyway. It is just hard for me to articulate the very big difference between love for the other gender and same gender love.

There is a difference. Men and women are different from each other, this is what makes that love so special, we are ying and yang, we balance each other out. I am talking about generalities here, so please try and not bash and flame me for speaking about the truth in general, I am sure there are many exceptions. I am not talking about exceptions though, I am talking about real life. I am very empathetic, I feel energy vampires from accross the room, I am very seldomly wrong about people. I am an Ordained Minister and handfast gay couples all the time, I have met thousands in the world of Pagans, for I am a Pagan. This is from experience, most gay men are very promiscuous, to the point that alot of them have a big problem when it comes to methanphetmine (crank) so they can have sex as much as possible. Lesbians (nearly every one I have met and handfasted) are anger-cases and treat men like we dont have any feelings. Like the above person that wants to hurl whenever she thinks about having sex with a man.

I dont think our society is headed in a very healthy direction when we cannot discuss reality and have to have it all sugar coated. For some reason we have completly removed male sexualtiy from our society in America. The reaction of the average audience is to laugh at a naked man, cringe at an erection, but ooh an aah at a naked woman like her fecis doesnt stink. We are a twisted bunch of people now arent we?

I think Gay people should be able to Marry, I HANDFAST THEM ALL THE TIME. Dont try and make it seem ok to my teenage kids though, so they can make that ever so trendy choice. Crypes as it is girls dont show the femal form anymore, they where boys genes with this thing they call a muffin top. Then you get all these guys acting like emotional girls and dont know how to be men.




posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 10:49 PM
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For banning gay marriage: 2

Against: 24

Do stereotypes matter?
Having many gay friends of both sexes, and many more gay acquaintances (again, of both sexes), I must admit that gay people sometimes do conform to our stereotypes of them.

It is certainly true, from what I have seen, that an unusual number of gay men are unusually promiscuous. One, who went to school with me, had his first -- voluntary, according to him -- experience when his age could still be counted in single figures, and proudly claimed to have gone through three hundred-odd partners by the time he left school, at 17. Thirty years later, he's still going strong. He's given up all kinds of things, he says, but he just can't give up cruising.

It is equally true that some lesbians are dedicated man-haters who regard all men as brutal, pawing, satyriacal apes, potential rapists to a man. One of my acquaintances has been heard to complain that her flesh creeps when a man looks at her 'that way'. She dresses in combat fatigues, heavy black boots and a crewcut, so not many do, but they do to look 'that way' at her girlfriend, who is extremely pretty, quite a lot, and -- guess what -- that riles her even more.

These extreme types have come to seem representative of the greater gay community for a number of reasons. For one thing, their behaviour shocks the general public, so activist homophobes find it easy to vilify them and then tar all gays with the same brush. Second, extreme types are also quite strongly represented among gay activists and their supporters. When they appear in the media, their appearance and vehemence seem to confirm all the terrible things the public has heard about gays. Third, the media likes cartoon figures since they are easily comprehended by the public, so its coverage tends to perpetuate the stereotypes. Finally, as paulthefourth said, being part of an oppressed and marginalized minority is likely to cause people to behave in extreme ways. Contrast the modern situation with that of Ancient Greece, where male homosexuality was condoned but extreme promiscuity was -- to judge from the sources we have -- rare indeed. One could argue that greater tolerance would actually reduce the prevalence of unusual behaviour.

But in the end, none of this matters. Some people will conform to stereotype, some won't. And even if they all did, what of it? People are allowed to be different. Their being different doesn't threaten anybody else, whatever a few scared, closed-minded folk might think.




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