posted on Jun, 3 2006 @ 11:08 AM
A Few Bad Ideas: May 1st, 2006
I'm early for Dr. George's class again and I can't seem to write anything good. I've worn out all of my really good day dreams and I can't talk
to myself because I'm not a very good listener, so I'm just writing for the sake of killing trees.
I met this girl last week. I think I like her. She's got an amazing body, though it's not what I noticed first- a definite improvement over the
usual. She chased me down after history class on tuesday to get help studying for the test. I wasn't particularly interested in wasting my time on
another slow student after all the crap with Myra, but typical pathetic teddy-bear, bigger-brother, just-a-friend Tom spoke up before I could come up
with a good lie... no wonder I never get laid: I treat them right for free.
So we went into the HILB- there's nothing like trying to study in the midst of 50 chattering morons and another dozen corpses, although I suppose
they were probably just napping- but it was close and it's got couches so we studied there.
She picked things up quickly. That was a welcome surprise. English just kind of throws her off; Dr. Usherwood's euphamisms don't translate into
Japanese very well. It was a little unnerving helping a Japanese student study an American history book on WWII, but since I know it without the book
I was able to keep it at least somewhat neutral. Funny how I never really noticed the bias of the textbooks until I was going over with them with the
She was interested in it though, and we got to talking about me having been a Marine. I blinked and 2 hours passed. I was sorry I had to go for my
I saw her again later, then we spent all day together Sunday. It actually wasn't till then that I noticed how fun she is to look at. It wasn't easy
keeping a straight face when we went back to her place and she changed into some shorts to stay cool... being in her bedroom made it all more
difficult; I had to remind myself that's just the nature of studio appartments, so you can't really read much into it.
I showed her a picture of myself from back in the Marines. I wish I hadn't. It was embarrassing to realize how much I've lost since then. She very
flattering, but obviously surprised I'd ever looked that good. I made up my mind right then and there that when she came back from Japan for next
semester that I'd look that way again. We get along, she's smart, she's not afraid of me- if the physical attraction wasn't completely one way
I'd have a pretty good chance.
And that's how bad ideas start. She can't afford to stay here after next semester, not unless she can get her green card and start working. Even if
things work out in September, she'll be gone forever in December. Last time I lost a girl, I ended up in the Corps. No sense in breaking a tradition
right? I've missed my eagle globe and anchor every minute since they took it from me. I can't hump a pack anymore, but I could hack it as a pogue if
they HQ USMC would change my RF Code to let me reenlist. Wouldn't be hard to get at least to South Korea that way- close enough to visit Cana on
liberty- or if I was lucky maybe even pull embassy duty in Japan.
Besides, it's one thing to look like a Marine again. It's another to be a Marine again. I still remember the last good day in the Corps,
before everything went straight to hell. January 5th, 2004. Lopez backed out of enlisting. For what it's worth that kid must have some great big
balls on him to stand in the dim, cramped little office with Staff Sergeant Barios glaring at him across the desk and me posted by the door, waiting
for my turn to tell him everything he was about to give up. Two men in Charlies versus short, round, tomatoish kid dressed all in jackass red- but he
got his way.
I had nothing but contempt for him. I couldn't have imagined that 2 unfortunate months later I would make the same mistake. Staff Sergeant barked at
him to get the hell out and I struck him down with my superman eye lasers as he tried to run away.
Barrios shook the disgust off his face and turned to me to say the words that will be echoing off of that peeling yellow paint, reverberating through
the steel of the mamaluke sword on the wall, and ringing in my ears like the 3,000th repetition of a catchy anti-war jingle that even hawks can't
help but tap their toes to... the words that make me beam with pride then hang my head because they were wrong.
"Connors, I gotta lie to these Mother F*ckers and trick them into joining even though I don't want them in my Marine Corps. You and Elias are
worth 10 of him. It's Marines like you, who want to be here, that are gonna make miracles happen for the Marine Corps."
I thought about Chosin Resevoir immediately. Lopez couldn't dig in, lay in the snow, and kill people every day for months on end with a whole Chinese
Army coming down on him. But I could. Staff Sergeant Barrios said so.
2 months passed, and I was locked up, waiting to be kicked out of Barrios' beloved Corps with all the other losers. I don't think I kept my
composure as well as Lopez did. Irony sucks like that.
The more I think about it, the more I want it back. The more I picture myself with it, the more I picture myself with Cana. I think I've gotta do it.
And I think I'm wrong.