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Things people never say.

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posted on Jun, 7 2006 @ 04:17 PM
"Hey, Mike Tyson, wanna taste of my ear."

"I'm happy that I got

"Lets go syphon gas from those cars and hope we get a bunch in our mouths."


posted on Jun, 7 2006 @ 07:00 PM
"About a case of beersh before I lef the bar, why woulse you ash me that occifer?"

"The UN isn't corrupt at all"

"Ofcourse I don't mind if you cut my wages"

"They should raise my taxes, I make way too much money for what I do"

"Hold on a minute, honey. Eventhough it's the 4th quarter and tied, I'm gonna turn the game off so I can pay better attention to your story about your mom and sister"

"I dig fat chicks" (sober)

"I like the humidity, it makes it seem hotter"

"I love cockroaches"

"I'm gonna go ahead and work off the clock for an hour because I don't think I've given the boss my all"

"Ted Kennedy worked very hard to become a well respected Senator"

"we need more crime"

"Mtv is such a good influence on young minds"

"I'm not going to complain until gas reaches $5 a gallon"

"I wish there was more traffic"

"the government is too small, it needs to be bigger and even more intrusive"

"I wish there were more calories in a big mac"

"what this country needs is a good old fashioned socialist dictatorship like they had in Germany. That Hitler really turned things around there"

"I love toll booths"

"I think folks on welfare should have even more kids"

"the leader of Iran isn't a wack job at all and should have nukes"

"the french are so nice and don't smell at all"

"muslims are so tolerant of other religions"

"baby bunnies are so ugly"

"ofcourse I don't mind waiting 20 freaking minutes to buy a gallon of milk while you buy lottery tickets"

posted on Jun, 8 2006 @ 12:38 PM

Originally posted by MrPenny
"Yes dear, it does make your butt look big"


Do these pants make my butt look big?

-Honey, it ain't the pants!

posted on Jun, 8 2006 @ 01:04 PM
I think you got something hanging out of your nose there.

posted on Jun, 8 2006 @ 10:07 PM
In a crowded elevator:

"Do you smell that? That is me!"

At formation muster call in the morning:

"Sergeant? I have to go pee!"

At a shopping mall:

"Boy, your baby is ugly!"

At home:

"Hey honey, why don't we have your mom over for another month?"

At school cafeteria:

"Wanna trade my chocolate cake for your spinach casserole?"

posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 12:53 AM
I think I'll go down to the department of motor vehicles and try and pick up chicks.

This drunk tank smells so fresh and clean.

Carp, not just for breakfast anymore!

Virginia, Santa is a pervert and won't be comin round here no mo.

posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 01:17 AM
Anybody want to hear No Dought? I'll go put their latest album on the record player.

posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 01:38 AM
"I think Ill have a few beers before i go to work"

"Its fine.....its just dislocated at the elbow is all..."

"Thank you for the you need any help passing them out ?"

"Condoms....they arent good for anything!"

"I wish there was more taxes, I really think our goverment deserves the extra money"

"Windows XP is D BOMB !!! It has never crashed once !!!"

posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 02:19 AM
Refried beans and chilli ice cream? My favourite!

Yes, I know you're drunk but I don't think the police will mind.

An ejector seat, I've always wanted one of those.

There just aren't enough movies starring Adam Sandler.

Those tracksuit bottoms really suit you.

I REALLY fancy John Prescott!

My wife had breast reduction surgery, she looks so much better with just the two.

The Queen's speech... it was ok, but just not enough swearing for me.

posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 06:39 AM
George Bush is a stirring and accomplished orator.

I can't wait for my next root canal.

So happy banks thought of charging fees everytime I pay with plastic.

Liver is such a breakfast treat.

Wish I could work longer hours for less money and still not have enough for rent.

World hunger's a hoot.

Those Jackass boys are so erudite and discerning.

American TV is the pinnacle of arts and culture.

posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 06:58 AM

Okay, to stay on-topic...

"Mechanic 32, your posts are concise, to the point, and contribute to the overall quality of the board."

"I love the way ATS keeps changing things, just when I was really getting used to the layout" ---- another

[edit on 6/9/2006 by Mechanic 32]

posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 10:38 AM
"Can you hold onto my winning lottery ticket while I tie my shoes?"

"Mmm. That chicken farm smells great."

"I hate you so much....I can't stand you at all....will you marry me?"


[edit on 9-6-2006 by The_Truth_Seeker]

posted on Jun, 9 2006 @ 10:28 PM
People do say the last one... or wait... naw that would be the reverse order of phrases

I really don't think I should :w:

I love people who

I'm gonna
and I'm happy about it

That didn't hurt when you kicked me in the nuts

is really inteligent (refering to the one in the oval office)

I really shouldn't
lest it ruin my image

My image doesn't matter at all because I have a little something called iner strenght... Who was it that said deny groupthink???

Mechanic32 you suck balls...

I love to :bnghd:

I really think that
aren't cool (coming from a guy with his testicles still intact)

I think that it is fun getting

dontcha love getting

her tits are way too big her skirt is way too short and her top us cut way too low...

cleavage sux

I really love gays (okay I have nothing against gays but they are in general little asshats where I am...)

I think that lesbians should be banned and gays legal (I think the opposite )

is so not funny...

[edit on 6/9/06 by TristanBW9456]

posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 07:37 AM

The Queen's speech... it was ok, but just not enough swearing for me.


excellent dude!

posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 08:52 AM
Read your blog mate. It's good to know that there are people out there who appreciate the importance of FLANGE in one's daily life. Nice one, loved it.

posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 10:45 AM
whats the matter hun?
"YOU...your a jerk and here is a list of things I am not happy with!"

I did see you but I did try my best to pretend I didnt

Officer, shove the expiation notice up your A---

How was your meal tonight?
"absolute ---- and I want my money back!

You stink, the deodrant is not you even use deodrant?

I have a lot of money and I dont want to donate any of it to charity... so F--- off

Your so look like your a coronary going somewhere to happen!

How are you feeling?
"well I have my period and the flow is really heavy at the moment and I am feeling quite violent and yesterday I was suicidal, thanks for are you?"

posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 11:21 AM
"I don't like sex, it makes me feel.... funny"

"Hey Micheal Jackson, can you baby-sit my son here?"

"The Simpsons are always coming up with new and fresh jokes!"

"Sure hope they don't free Tibet."

"You mean Passion's of the Christ WASN'T a comedy?!"

"Leave O.J. alone! He served his time!"

"Yeah, I love the taste of your home-brew!"

"Bill Gates? Who's That?"

"Yes Telephone Salesman! I am interested in what your selling!"

posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 01:17 PM
when I grow up, I want arthritis, hemorrhoids and coronary disease.

when I grow up, I want to marry a poor alcoholic.

when I grow up, I want to live in an institution for the criminally insane.

when I grow up, I hope dogs bite me everyday.

posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 01:39 PM

I just realised... Who ever has posted in this topic is a liar.
It may be true that no-one says *whatever,* but because it was posted, it means that it HAS been said. By you.

"I never kiss and tell...So lets not talk about it"

"I sure hope I get conscripted for the army!"

"I hope my newborn baby will turn out to be a freak"

"Speeding doesn't kill you. Newtons Laws of Inertia, momentum and perpetual movement kills you."

posted on Jun, 10 2006 @ 02:22 PM
" i hope those cartoonists in denmark do some more work to impress the muslim community"

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