Male - female friendships

For some reason I have been giving opposite sex friendships a bit of thought recently and it has nothing to do with any possible love interests.
Heres what I concluded.
It is possible for a man and a women to have friendship without any sexual attraction.
However beyond this things get a little less simple.

If one person wants then just friendship and the feeling isnt mutal there is a awarkd situation. In those circustances I think that it would be diffcult to maintain the friendship.

I think there is a danger that men can have lots of female friends and still be single. Of course it up to the person to decide if this is a problem.

A problem arises when someone is uncomfortable with there partner having a friend that is a member of the opposite sex. Whats worse is that there often a case of someone expecting there partner to give up there friends while still seeing there friends that are members of the opposite sex.

True friends are rare.
Which do you choose ?
Your good friend or your new partner ?

It is possible for friendship to turn into something more without either person intending it to. I also think that a man and women could be friends for a life time without any romantic relationship devloping.

Any thoughts ?

xpert,

I am a female with many male friends. I have had some sort of attraction to many of my male friends. However, the attraction is very minimal which allows myself to keep a true friendship. I have always had more male friends than female friends. I believe this is because I can converse with the male gender easier.

For some individuals of the opposite sex friendship can turn into something other than just friendship. I guess it all comes with fate and how the two individuals interact with eachother.

Having friends of the opposite sex is possible, it just may be a bit difficult at times.

It's never mattered to me whether the friend is male or female.. so long as they're a good person. The only time it's ever been an issue is when I'm with someone -- that protective/jealous thing kicks in and makes the whole situation very awkward.. very hard to have, for example, male friends when my man figures that there just *has to be* something else going on.. besides good conversation.

I think it's entirely possible for people to just be friends.. no matter their sex. Then again, I've never had that many friends.. (never had so many that I've had to start counting on the other hand), so my perception might be a little warped.

Well I think they can exist, as someone (I don't remember who once said), friendship between a man and a woman is love without wings

However there is always the possibility that the spark could be ignited. The thing is that your opposite sex friends are chosen with attraction in mind. You rarely have a friend that you at least not consider to be OK looking in some way. If you sense someone as completely unattractive is hard that you establish any kind of relationship with them.

This is not shallowness but science you seek someone with whom you could reproduce and since beauty is related to healthiness you will tend to seek beauty...

I've always had a lot more male friends than female friends. I find them easier to talk to and less judgemental. I can say something to a male friend and he will take it at face value without trying to read between the lines. I've only had one friendship turn into more, and that situation was more complex than any of my other friendships with males from the beginning. We were best-friends for about 3 years, and we both broke up with quite a few people who couldn't handle us still being close friends. One day we crossed the line between friends and dating, and of course things got weird. After about 3 months we reached a mutual decision that we were much better off as friends.

Anyway, I always chose my friends over the new partner. Boyfriends may come and go, but your friends are the ones who'll hold your hair back while you're praying to the porcelain gods after drinking a 5th of Southern Comfort. No, seriously friends you've had for a while are always more important than some hottie that might break your heart next week.

[edit on 16-7-2006 by Jenna]

Oh man, this brings back some memories.

I'll tell my little story. I once befriended this girl where I worked at. Just friends mind you. We knew each other quite a long time. Little by little, I had fallen in love with her. She thought I was the greatest guy in the world. As a friend. She was always on my mind. But, not wanting to ruin what we had, I never I never let on my feelings. I'm talking perhaps five years had passed by now. I knew all of her family, I had seen her through her divorce, and she has a new fiance. He also works where we do, but does not say much to me, but does'nt like our friendship either. Anyway, she has a kind of falling out with her fiance, and one night I decided I was going to once, and for all let her know how I feel. I know she did'nt mean it the way it came out, but she did'nt take me seriously, and practically laughed, and told me she thought of me as family. I changed the subject. But I must say, that part of me just about died that day. I was heartbroken. We had both been drinking, and that probably contributed to the way it turned out, but I swore to never bring it up again. I continued to visit her on the weekends, she had since kind of made up with her fiance, and he was there on numerous occasions. One day, he had found the old letters I had once written to her. They were'nt exactly love letters, but my feelings clearly showed in them, nonetheless. He actually confronted me about the letters, thinking that they were recent. As he peactically lived there at that time, he told me not to come back there. She no longer worked at the same place as mae by this time. On the following Monday, she called me, and told me that everything would be okay and that I can still visit her. But I just could'nt. My heart was broken, and nothing I could do to ease the emotional pain. She continued to call me though, until I changed my phone number. The part of this whole thing that really gets me, is that she kept those letters after all of those years. I think that I approached her at an awkward time, and if I had done so sooner, everything would have worked itself out. Eventually, she found out that he was cheating on her from day one. He was married when they first met, got divorced, and even got a different girlfriend while all the while, still with her. She still marries this guy, after knowing all of that. It just got to be too much for me, and I had to abandon our friendship altogether. Sometimes, I wonder if I was wrong for doing so, but other times I feel I had just cause. Either way, I will never know.

I still think of her often, even to this day. I first met her 16 years ago.

moral of the story, if you devlop feelings for your opposite sex friend, better to do let it be known early on, or not at all. If it does'nt pan out, move on. But trying to retain a friendship, where there are one-sided feelings as in my story, it would be very difficult, if at all possible to retain the friendship after the cat was out of the bag. Would take a lot of willpower to overcome deep feelings that have no chance of reciprocation.

[edit on 7/16/2006 by Mechanic 32]

Mechanic,

I praise you. What a tough predicament you had to go through.

I guess all I can say really, is sorry. I really can't imagine what a bummer that whole thing must've been for you. And nothing makes it worse than a guy like your lady's fiance getting in the way.

Hearing stories like this makes me feel thankful about my own situation, because I'm not reall sure I'd have the stomach to endure something like that.

Eh, That's the way things happen sometimes. I have'nt stopped living over it, or stopped dating, etc. I just chalk it up to experience, and move on. Too bad I had'nt done it sooner, though. But thanks.

Sorry for the thread hijack, btw. It was'nt intentional.

you can be friends, I think the age has a lot to do with it. I wanted to sleep with anything that moved when I was 19 , but now at 39 , married with two kids, I have much more interesting frienships with women, and the jealosy and sex part never enters into the equation.

THis is a pretty silly post.

A) If there is little to no attraction between the guy & girl then a friendship should have a good chance of working

B) If one is attracted to the other but the feeling is not mutual then a friendship has a not so good chance of working

C) If both are attracted to eachother then it will most likely turn into more than a friendship



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