"DEAR ILLUMINATI" - comedic relief

Just a little levity in light of current events:

I'll go first.

DEAR ILLUMINATI :

I've been online for three weeks straight searching for the answers and looking for someone to guide me thorugh the mysteries. I've studied the various sites available online and looked into every theological avenue I can think of for the answers. Nothing seems to fit and I want immediate results.

Fact is, my head hurts from all this research.

Couldn't you put out movies that spell it all out in the simplest terms? I'm tired of second guessing every move you guys make.

Also for your Lordship's Consideration - my day job is unfulfilling and I'm noticing I am tending to side with the opposition in regards to the established social heirachy. I'm worried about this because I really don't want to face liquidation.

I don't want to blame you for everything, but I know you're at the top of the pyramid and I just can't seem to get past all those annoying and self -interested middle men you have protecting your interests.

Please help!

Eternally Your Servant,
Pyrotechnocracy23

What's a mystery with no mystery?

With such a topic I never see any middle ground except for the ones within a group that have no true idea and ones outside a given group with no idea. Other than that I see the believers and the doubters.

First I think many people are attracted to certain groups due to the mystery. As men I think its just natural we are attracted to mystery good or bad. I have always compared it to a black art of sorts. So difficult in finding answers when one finds at least some answers its not so easy sharing for a few reasons. One maybe some secrets just shouldn't be public as it can pull in views and opinions you never wanted in the first place. Second if you worked so hard learning something would you just give it away like pie. You have to respect a hard working system do you not? I mean granted some people can say its elitest and so what. It could be considered sacred in stead of elitest.

Anyway its just that much more fun when you work so hard learning something of secret and than stumble on one of the few others that have as good of the grasp and dedication. Can you see the beauty in such a thing?

In a world when almost 100% of the land has been explored and ever topic has been exploited there is some areas in thought we keep close to our hearts. An art of secret study that will never be in the spotlight for debate or public knowledge.

This is at least how I feel.

Well, I see I failed miserably in my attempts at levity.

Dear Illuminati,

$%$@*&%$#@##!!

Sincerely,
I Will Never Surrender

I'd have nothing else to say to them. It would really all be in vain.

DEAR ILLUMINATI :

I understand now why you, in all your wisdom, view the majority of the populace as mindless sheep. So many people, such little insight.

Hail, Hail. Got any room in your propaganda department? I've got some good ideas brewing.

Eternally your servant -
Pyrotechnocracy23