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Objective Schizophrenia 101

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posted on May, 26 2006 @ 02:12 PM
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RE: post # 2204390
SCHIZOPHRENIC THOUGHTS?




well my friend, the 5 points/items in that post could very well be labled as schizophrenic thoughts.

but so could dozens of other thoughts...
what makes them 'schizophrenic' is when the person really dwells on the thought/notion/idea, and conforms their life around that 'delusion', and alters their lives and interactions with others.

remember that movie w/ mel gibson, "Conspiracy Theory"
you see how he re-adjusted his lifestyle and decisions around fragments of
his internal dialogue...it does not matter that he was eventually proven correct- -
it was determined by his peers that he exhibited paranoid schizophrenia.
And those in his worldly sphere of interaction, considered him ( themselves engaged in in a schizophrenic mode of behavior) as being; 'off' 'eccentric' 'crazy' 'schizo'

imho, schizos are 'normal', its' the sheeple which are lacking something

~~~~~~~~~

i'm wondering wher your going with this....
a 'dear abby' kinda thing
a 'dr phil' kinda thing
a compilation of ancedotes

well, in any case, have a good time doing what you wanna do.

s/victoras st udio




posted on May, 26 2006 @ 03:14 PM
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STU : I though I made that point rather clear - yes - they are mutable thoughts.

No offense - but using a mainstream hollywood movie to try and justify your point just makes the matter worse. How many people reading this do you think are now going to watch "Conspiracy Theory" in attempt to "better understand"?

That's a very poor reference to what I go through, and no - I've never seen the film in it's entirety- why on earth would I want to? FOR COMPARISON? No thanks.

I've got enough experience in my past and trust me - there are no shaking cameras, high intensity car chases and people who are ultimately persuaded by the protagonist to his point of view.

While we're on the subject - A BEAUTIFUL MIND draws a much more realistic portrait of what it's like. Isolation, loss of friendships and social standing, relationship problems and a world unto oneself that's impossible to explain to others on the outside.

If you'd really like me to get into what it's like to be minding your own business and suddenly get questioned by the authorities and "hauled away" because your personal history reports you have a "medical condition" (at which point the cops don't even talk to you any more but immediately put you in handcuffs incase you "get violent") I'd be MORE THAN HAPPY to discuss that.

Seems more in-line with the "fast paced action drama" mentality of the majority of people out there these days. (not a reference to posters)

Say the word and we'll get started. There's nothing I love more than spewing my life story out over the internet with all it's embarassing details and reprocussions.

With that having been said -

No particular direction in mind at this time. Still feeling the waters out on this end.

Like I said - there are some painful truths to the condition. I'm painfully isolated in a small taditional southern town, and as a new resident going though a hard time finding people who are open to discussion...just having a forum to express issues/thoughts/experiences...

I'm not much of a link poster, and my recall of rote is horrible. I have limited access to alternative therapies due to several extenuating factors and really just needed a place where I could discuss informally.

Two cents for two cents.

[edit on 26-5-2006 by Pyrotechnocracy23]



posted on May, 26 2006 @ 07:36 PM
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I've been getting a lot of U2U's from people who are going through their own trials and tribulations in regards to dealing with this disease.

The majority of them are reluctant to post anything on the forum for fear of being ridiculed or judged, so I'd like to take this opportunity to ask those who are still interested in this thread that they retain some assemblance of rational though in regards to the posts - if you'd like to discuss your personal experiences of any correlations between our experiences - please feel free to U2U me.

I promise I won't laugh or discredit what you've been through.

Please do your best to remain objective as possible in your experiences.

*edit for spelling

[edit on 26-5-2006 by Pyrotechnocracy23]



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 03:26 AM
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Pyro

What were your first symptoms of schizophrenia? Are there any family members with the disease? Do you ever feel depersonalization/derealization? I ask this because I suffer from Depersonalization/derealization 24/7. Much respect.



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 07:22 AM
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Overwhelming paranoia and followe dby a total withdrawl from reality.

The paranoia drove me into a regressive state - I was like a 3 year old kid who wouldn't speak to anyone. The doctors said I was catatonic, though I remember a LOT of information and benign scenarios going on in my head at the time - overwhemling amounts of stories and symbols. I wouldn't look or talk to anyone.

Depersonalization comes and goes these days - but back then, I was a completely empty cup - no sense of self or time. Couldn't even take care of simple functions I was so locked away in another world.

This was back in 1994.

Symptoms disappeared almost entirely until 1999 - when the whole thing hit full force again and I've been wrestling with voices ever since.



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 09:01 AM
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Originally posted by Valhall
Nope, you weren't. Don't you find it curious that the drugs that help your condition get under control also seem to remove the remembrance (or maybe cut short the actual event) of a possible psychic event? Because the same has been postulated as to why NDE's tend to not be remembered in a person who has been administered certain drugs (particularly general anesthesias) versus people who are in a situation (say where no medical assistance is involved) and do not have these drugs administered.


Pyrotechnocracy23, I have to say you're a very brave person putting yourself on the line like this. Good for you. I'm just working my way throygh a very long thread and I thought I'd just leap in here with a comment that may help the discussion. Forgive me if someone esle has already mentioned it.

There's a concept that I have found very useful in another context (which is kind of private so I'll gloss over it in open forum) called "state-specific memory". In other words, when you're in a specific mental state you can remember events that have happened in that state. When you move to another state, those memories become vague and inaccessible to a greater extent.

There also seems to be evidence that memory is holographic to some degree. Apparently (forgive me if the details to follow are distressing to some) some experimenters taught mice to navigate a maze and progressively removed more and more of their brains. Even when the mice could hardly move as motor functions had been cut away they were trying to retrace the maze and clearly retained its memory. Weird. The researchers were unable to determine where memory was stored.

So there seem to be two elements: the nature of memory and our ability to get to those memories. The latter can depend on mental state, the former seems not to be dependent on physical location.

I'll probably get corrected by some grad student on this but I'm just like anyone else, trying to make sense of what I read.

[Edited for a spelling error]

[edit on 27-5-2006 by rich23]



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 09:25 AM
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State Specific Memory -

That makes sense - when I have breaks, the memories of the previous ones come flooding back, and it's like I'm back in the same time period as the first one (although I have a little more insight and knowledge on some issues) but the themes are generally the same.

SSM might explain why I can't access this "other world" as easily when I'm in my "right mind".

I'll be looking more into this.

Thank you, Rich23!



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 09:51 AM
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Originally posted by Dae
A friend of mine was going through an 'episode' (she hospitalised herself later on) when I visted her house once. She had a few friends there and they were telling me about the lighter demon thats in the house. Im all like, "oh yeah?" and they all back her up, saying lighters are doomed in her house. Im thinking oh god she really doesnt need this.

I then ask for my lighter back (the reason for the lighter demon conversation, someone needed to borrow one) and it was thrown at me, but wasnt thrown hard enough and landed on the floor, in the middle of us. The damn thing exploded. Now, Ive seen lots of lighters (the plastic see-through disposable type) dropped and never have they exploded, Ive only seen this when a lighter has been thrown with force on the ground. It was also my lighter, so no 'hoaxing'.

I remember thinking "Bloody hell universe if that was just a coincidence then that was NOT funny, she doesnt need that BS right now"


Pyrotechnocracy23 -

I'm still working my way through the thread. I'm really glad that you seem, thus far, to be having a positive experience from it. My own contact with schizophrenia is limited and second-hand.

An ex-girlfriend of mine had a sister who eventually committed suicide after beginning what were diagnosed as schizophrenic episodes. I never met the girl, but I read some of her writings and she was clearly an awesomely intelligent woman. Her dissociation manifested late, in her thirties, and was consequent upon a combination of circumstances, the dominant factor being possibly a split from a boyfriend whom she loved. She showed classic paranoid tendencies - for example, if there was a TV news item about a fire, she would tell her mother and sister that she had caused it.

A pronounced theme in her sad story was the way the medical profession treated her. She went to her GP (in the UK, that's General Practitioner or family doctor) because she was becoming depressed, but getting VERY scared as well because of the onset of episodes in which she lost the ability to think rationally. For someone of her intelligence, that must have been terrifying. Her doctor - in notes which surfaced at the inquest - made the observation that he didn't want to turn her into a patient, and prescribed medication that, it later emerged, had side effects that actually caused a lot of suicides. In her periods of hospitalisation (which began after her first suicide attempt) the psychiatrists were no better.

I attended the inquest with my then girlfriend and her mother to provide moral support for them and I was shocked at the behaviour of the psychiatrist concerned. Unlike the nurses, who were genuinely upset and sympathetic to the bereaved, he sat with a rather distant and superior "why am I here?" demeanour, and at one point actually sat sucking the tip of his tie. Bizarre and infantile, frankly.

There's quite a lot more but I don't want to dwell on it.

The reason I replied with the quotation above is that I, like so many of the posters here, have had my own personal experiences which lead me away from an orthodox view of our world and our place in it. I guess I'd call myself a Taoist: and while the Taoist model doesn't quite map onto the "chakra" model, it has some commonalities, which I might go into at a later post.

But the above episode, which Jungians might refer to as synchronicity, is for me explicable in two ways. Either there really was a 'lighter demon' in the room - not ruled out by Taoism - or it occurred because what we call perception is actually a two-way process, and it is possible for one to affect one's surroundings through what is termed "the body of causality" which, when accessed, can cause "coiincidences" to occur in accordance with one's preconceptions.

There is also a psychic component to your own experiences. The idea that you picked up a thought and turned to find yourself looking into someone's eyes should really cause you no confusion or worry I believe.

There was a rather fascinating BBC experiment that deals with this. The programme makers built a smallish room which adjoined an entranceway to one of their TV studios, separated from the public area by a one-way mirror. Inside the room were perhaps thirty people on swivel chairs. As the audience began to arrive for the programme to be recorded in the adjoining studio, they would pass what would seem to be a mirror. A researcher would alert the people in the room to someone in the crowd with a distinctive item of clothing, and at a signal, the people in the room, who had been facing away from the one-way mirror (through which they could see the arriving audience) would turn, pick out the distinctively dressed person, and stare at them hard

VERY OFTEN, that person would look around in a distracted way at just that moment, sometimes even looking right into the mirror. When subsequently interviewed they often admitted a creepy feeling.



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 10:20 AM
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Originally posted by Pyrotechnocracy23
SCHIZOPHRENIC THOUGHTS?

Delusional Thought #1:
I feel as if I am here on this planet for a purpose. TO KNOW MYSELF, TO DEFINE MYSELF AND MY PLACE IN THE GREATER SCHEME OF THINGS.

Delusional Thought #2 : (aka "Paranoia" I am being watched by a host of self-actualized beings - some who seek to profit off of me, some who try to keep me in my present state of being, others who simply "take notes" on how I respond to various stimulus and situations, and some who try to guide me into a state of higher awareness.

Delusional thought #3 : ("Loss of Contact with Reality") There is a "higher world" of awareness out there, it just has little application in the normal day to day of the mundane world. To spend too much time there would only serve to isolate me further to the "normal world" and my fellow beings.

Delusional Thought #4 : ("Auditory Hallucinations") Is the possibility of latent telepathic abilities really so far a stretch? ... (It should be noted that my "voices" became more hostile and bullying when I moved back to the Southern States from a seven year hiatus to the Northwest. There, such "voices" were more educated, insightful and helpful in several matters. Here in the South, it's much more...uncivilized.) Coincidence?

Delusional Thought #5 : (Under the heading of "delusional thoughts" and "paranoia") There are truths and realities to the outside world that are not privy to the masses en large simply because it would disrupt the current social order. This one, I don't think is too much of a stretch from the truth. Information on various subjects have always been guarded jealously by those who are able to use such information to their personal economic or social benefit.


I personally don't believe that any of those points qualify as delusional. I'm just waiting for the dominant scientific paradigm to CATCH THE HELL UP!

#1 - there are many people who share this belief. It's prevalent in (how I loathe this term) New Age attitudes. I myself am open minded about it, and do not rule it out.

#2 - many people have reported, for example in near death experiences, exactly what you describe. They usually are not hospitalised. Your "condition" with its up- and down-sides, may simply render their presence more easily perceptible.

#3 - "Nothing to see here, move on please"... a perfectly rational observation. A close friend of mine has done a LOT of Taoist meditation and his experiences are pretty wacky and entirely consistent with what you describe. At one point he gave up for a while, saying "at some point you have to decide whether to stay here (in this world) or not".

#4 - No problem with any of that. And the observation about moving Southwards is fantastic, I love it.

#5 - Paranoia. A mildly tricky one. I occasionally get into a discussion about my own experiences with people of a supposedly "rational" mind and I'm constantly amazed at the extent they'll go to to denigrate, dismiss and deny the things I've seen and done and that have happened to me. These experiences took me from being merely an agnostic to being rather certain that chi/prana/orgone/ruach - however labelled, is objectively real but unrecognised by our current scientific paradigm. Once that Rubicon is crossed, one must perforce look at the explanations "science" (which has only really been going on properly for 200 years) gives for phenomena in a rather different light.

Is there a conspiracy to keep certain matters secret? Not an over-arching one. Some people want to restrict what they know to a few people for sensible reasons - certain practices in the wrong hands would be like giving an infant a loaded gun. In one of my books, a man travelled around China looking for Taoist hermits. He is pictured with one who has very shrivelled eyes. In the interview with him, the hermit states that he caused it himself - "some of these practices are very powerful".

But there is also what Reich termed the "emotional plague" - and you might find it useful to investigate what he had to say, both about that, and about schizophrenia, which he approached from a rather different angle, one much more respectful of the patient, whom he regarded as not being deluded, but as simply telling it like it is for them, a most unfashionable viewpoint back in the thirties.



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 10:22 AM
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Oh, and nice avatar, btw. I'm really glad I referred to you as a really brave person in my first post - to have taken the avatar as evidence of your sex would have been truly embarrassing.

Can I ask why you chose 23 as a suffix?



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 10:34 AM
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Originally posted by rich23

Can I ask why you chose 23 as a suffix?


23 is everywhere, and it wont go away. I'm guessing you are also 23 years of age, rich23, and see that number everywhere you go?



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 10:59 AM
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Nah. Double that, fairly shortly, and a fan of Burroughs and Anton Wilson.

But you're right, it's everywhere. I'm fascinated by its ubiquity as a cultural meme.

In fact, in order not to hijack this thread, I'm off to start one of my own on the subject!

Oh, nice Morris avatar btw.

But I'm a bit appalled that, to you, I write like a 23-year-old. I can actually SPELL, you might have noticed. Half the teachers I work with can't do that....


[edit on 27-5-2006 by rich23]



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 11:19 AM
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The numer 23 is a numner I began fixating on in Seattle - while I was still actively productive an immersed in various meditational art projects. It started out as a simple numberology experiment (1=A, 2=b, etc...) and turns out it has some significant association with in with people in the Crowley circut.

I never really took much notice of it as being an odd number until this recent turn - (the Crowley thing). But it's my gerneral opinion if it's popping up everywhere these days it's probably some subconscious manifestation of the great Chicago Bulls Mike Jordans jersey number.

But then again - I prefer to take things easy these days in regards to codebreaking.



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 12:11 PM
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I apologise for sidetracking this thread with those questions. In compensation, I would just like to say that I have been discussing my 'problems' relating to the topic of this thread via u2u with the Author of it. I most certainly do not wish to discuss anything I may, or may not be experiencing out here in the open, on a public forum. I hope you all understand.

Massive respect to you for this, Pyrotechnocracy23.



posted on May, 27 2006 @ 11:16 PM
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Thanks CM -

Sorry I've been negligent in posting - been going through a slight spell the past couple of days. New information coming in and currently processing it.

Peace.


Dae

posted on May, 28 2006 @ 05:01 AM
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Originally posted by Pyrotechnocracy23
Sorry I've been negligent in posting - been going through a slight spell the past couple of days. New information coming in and currently processing it.


Good luck chick, and keep us posted (when you can) on any conclusions/ideas you may have!



posted on May, 28 2006 @ 05:36 AM
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I just wanted to add one thing to this discussion. It is very interesting subject for me! I have a close relative who had this disorder. He has written some short stories. He asked me one day, "If the voices in my head write the story and I sign my name, is it plagerism(sp?)."

At the time I found this very hilarious. I don't really know why, except maybe I thought he was making this up. I sort of thought he was messing with me. But, he was serious and now does not write the stories down because he doesn't want to make the person in his head mad. He says that some of the voices are utterly evil and can make his life hell. They say "bad" things to him.

When he says that it sounds so childishly simplistic, but that's how he feels about it. He's not childlike at all, so it sounds out of character for him to say, "Some of them are evil and say bad things."

He is now on abilify, seroquil, lexapro, I don't know what else. He has stopped hiding under the mattress since being on these medicines.



posted on May, 28 2006 @ 01:57 PM
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Ok - spells have subsided and I got some additional info:

(bear with me for bringing religion into the thread but I found some interesting things that elicited some interesting internalizations and reflections)

Several different relgions touch on the phenomenon of "hearing voices" -

Buddhism - where it is viewed as a level of transistion for the student, and another discipline to be mastered.

Kabbahlah - where the voices are manifested as the Antochs - keepers of mysteries and testers of mankind. The only way to move forward in the spiritual journey is to respond to them correctly - at which point they subside.

Christianity - another test, the voices manifest as "demons" to test the soul and mind of rational man.

So far - this is all I've come across in regards to the major religins, and as I have been somewhat of a spiritual seeker my whole life - it makes sense to me in these contexts.

Last night at one point I began to hear three descisive sets of voices:

The first was a feminine elder who was very kind and loving and kept saying "bless my heart" in a compassionate way every so often. (she's reoccuring - this is not the first time I've heard her speak.)

The second, masculine, and the counterpart to the feminine : He is very authoritative, very bent on "polishing the stone" and very forward moving in his demeanor. He can be somewhat of a disciplinarian and very impatient. Exact quotes are impossible to relay because much of what he says can only be described as trying to access potential. He is slightly arrogant, but well meaning, I'm sure.

The third voice is of the type that always drives me up the wall. It is the teenager/twentysomething of the group that always wants to "prove itself" to the elders that it can best me intellectually and on matters of importance.

I had good results last night - defending my position with the Masculine and pointing out that his perceptions and judgements may be a little "too rigid" and irrelevant to the sort of person that I am. I've never taken well with authority simply for authorities sake, and stressed that "he" needs to prove himself to me in his intentions before I am willing to "prove myself" to him.

The third voice was that of a young teenager/twentysomething - the sterotypical "oneupmanship" scenario with the antagonist in this case being the type of girl who always has to be a cat - having the better cutdowns and insults, always having the last word, "alpha female" type who keeps her friends in a constant state of subsurvience and utilizes them as her personal play things.

A "face" briefly manifested itself along with the words "ready to play?" and I told her, polietly and decisively - no thanks. I've been there, done that and it only serves to reinforce her gameplaying, give her a forum to enhance her feelings of superiority and is basically - in my opinion - a waste of time.

Now - if this is a SPIRITUAL test - it has profoundly Western overtones to the whole thing - assesment, debate and an eventual winner decided. I have always loathed this concept in our western culture. It tends to decrease the value of others, and while some might say it's good to strengthen the mind - there has never been any formal subject of debate presented. It's oneupmanship in it's purest sense.

Now - I attended accelerated classes in high school - where we were told to better ourselves that we might contribute our degree of specialization in order to better enhance the whole. Petty disputes and "issues of social standing" were never present within the mentality. Competition - when it did occur - was structured and in order to achieve a goal of sorts.

I'mnot seeing any of that in these experiences - so if they are "spiritual" in anture - they must be trying to access the quality of my character - and that I can understand.

Another point to consider - the "young female" is extraordinarily vain. She's "attractive" in the sense that her eyes are big and her face proportionate - but that's about it. After I declined to "play" with her - she remanifested breifly and asked "Aren't I beautiful?" I told her she looked like a genetic clone I've seen a million times - nothing all too remarkable, just another carbon copy of an "accepted standard" of the concept beauty. The conversation ended at this point.

What gets me here is that this is a common theme in regards to the voices - same pattern, same "players".

The only conclusion I can come to is the percieved human tendancy to associate leadership qualities with attractive members of the population, despite the validation of inherently worthless qualities of character and ideas. On a spiritual note - I've long suspected that if the second coming were to occur, and jesus and satan stood onstage, a large percentage of people would choose satan simply because he "manifests as the perfect person - handsome or seductive and tells us exactly what we want to hear".



posted on May, 29 2006 @ 10:08 AM
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I dated a woman for 1.5 years and she was totally normal until the very end when she had a complete break with reality. It was sudden and, at that time, I didn't know what schizophrenia was, until I saw the movie "A Beautiful Mind" and I suddenly realized that the delusional character in the movie was experiencing the same symptoms as my former girlfriend.

Schizophrenia is real.

I had promised not to marry anyone until I date them at least 2 years because if anything can go wrong, then it will go wrong within that timeframe. This woman had a complete meltdown after 1.5 years into our relationship. Thank God I didn't marry her because I can't imagine being trapped with her in the same house with no financial way out (can't afford to make a mortgage payment for her and rent a second place).

Her break with reality came within a two week period. She has a Bachelors degree in psychology and she is very intelligent. Anyways, within a 2 week period, she suddenly developed the following ideas:
  • When she met my mother for the first time, she said that she was a high ranking priestess in a Satanic cult. Nuts.

  • She said my father is a member of the Illuminiti and, as such, he is helping to secretly rule the world from "behind the scenes." Again: nuts.

  • She said that men are breaking into my house every night (without my knowledge) and they are torturing me, which would explain the sleepy-looking blue rings under my eyes. When I asked her how they could torture me without my being aware of it, she said it is because they "wear black." Nuts.

  • She said that the U.S. government is sending electro-magnetic pulses (EMP waves) into her home to control her mind and to implant thoughts into her head. She said that this is evidenced by the fact that one of her eyes is bigger than the other -- and that one of her dog's eyes is also bigger than the other.
She said much much more than the above. That's just a sampler.


She rejected me when I told her that her ideas had no basis in reality, so we parted. Actually, she dumped all my belongings at my front door and that was the last I ever saw of her.

Don't ask me how she is doing because I haven't seen her in a loooooooooong time. After dealing with her, I can now spot a schizophrenic from a mile away (figuratively). After talking with a schizo, I can pretty much identify them and they are usually surprised when I ask them if they have schizophrenia e.g. they always ask, "How did you know???"

I agree that there are varying degrees of delusions amongst schizophrenics. Regarding my former girlfriend, I speculate that she had schizophrenia from the start, but she never confided it to me, possibly for fear that I would reject her or might not see her as being "normal." Either that or she suddenly developed it, which I seriously doubt.



posted on May, 29 2006 @ 11:59 AM
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Hi all just wanted to jump in here. I too have schizophrenia. Maybe I can help enlighten the subject and share a few of my experiances.

I was diagnosed in 1998 at age 20. My illness was quite severe when I came down with it. My first memories of onset were accusing people of conspireing against me. Mostly my step dad step sister and step brother. I thought they were playing mind games. The paranoia got to the point I was pushing my dresser up against the door at night. The tension in the house was high. My mother had no idea what was going on with me. Finaly things reached the point that my mother kicked my step family out and filed for a divorce.

After that the conspericies grew to invovle people outside at the stores ect. So I quit leaving the house even for cigarettes. I didnt leave the house for nine months. I wouldnt even walk infront of the windows. I crawled under them. I lived in my own world shut off from the outside. Meanwhile my mother was calling doctors and trying to figure out what was wronge with me. They would ask is he hearing voices at the time she said no because I wasnt. One day it was like a switch went off in my head and I started hearing voices then came visual and sensory hallucinations. I had no sense of reality. It was like living a nightmare I couldnt wake up from. I quit eating and even smokeing. Finaly I dont know how she did it but she talked me into going to the hospital.

At first in the hospital I wouldnt eat. I went six day without food because I thought there was poisen in it. I wasnt driking water either. At one point I went to the water fountain and filled a cup up. Then asked a nurse to test it for me and she wouldnt so I drank the water and was convinced there was something in it. So I stuck my finger down my throat and threw it up. They were giving me oral meds at the time also but I was throughing them up too. So they gave me a injection that made me a walking zombie but the hallucinations went away. I was in the hospital for 3 months.

After I got out I quit taking the meds but the paranoia started comming back so I saught out a new doctor. I was put on five mgs of Zyprexa. I took it for a year and one day I thought its such a low dose I didnt need it. I ended up having a relapse and had to go through the whole hospital thing again.

The next time I got out I went on 10 mgs of Zyprexa and been on it ever since (8 years). Over time my hallucinations slowly went away. As of now I'm symtom free.

I met a new friend a while back and new him for six months before he told me his sister was schizo. Then I told him I have it. He was blown away and said he would have never guessed it. His sister is 53 and had it since she was 18. She's been hospitalized over 15 times and would never stay on the meds. That is a horrible way to live.

If you realy want to know what a phycotic break is like picture a nightmare you cant wake up from for 3 years or even worse your whole life. Its like your mind creates the nightmare (hallucinations) but you dont know its not real. The fear and the panic is ubelivable. Well thats what it was like for me.





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